Smartmarriages& #174; Mailing List smartmarriages at
Mon Aug 1 18:27:23 EDT 2005




Divorce me from these weddings
July 27, 2005 
Lenore Skenazy

Did I drag you along on my honeymoon? Insist you come with us to Mexico and
laugh by the pool? Did I ask you to drain your savings, beg your boss for
time off and warn you that I would be eternally offended if you didn't come?

Of course not. How rude! But that's just what thousands of couples are doing
today. Only thing is, they don't call these events "honeymoons." They call
them "destination weddings."

The idea, however, is the same: A couple discovers an exotic locale where
they want to begin their married life. But instead of getting hitched in
some convenient location and then jetting off, they invite their loved ones
to join them on Maui or Martinique or Mars for the pleasure of attending
their nuptials.

Naturally, the couples don't think they are being inconsiderate. They think
they are offering their guests a dream vacation that just happens to be
their dream on the guests' vacation time. And dime.

Those of us less starry-eyed are starting to see red. A letter to Harriet
Cole, our advice columnist, put it bluntly: The writer's New York nephew had
decided to get married in Italy. Weren't the bride and groom obliged to help
pay their guests' way?

Harriet's answer: No. Which is a pity, because this selfish scenario is

"We did a survey recently," says Diane Forte, editor of Bridal Guide, "and,
gosh, 24.3% of our readers - that's a LOT of readers - say they are planning
or considering a destination wedding." Forte assumes most ofthem got the
idea by seeing celebrities slipoff to remote resorts to wed. Pretty
soonworkaday couples started thinking thatthey, too, deserved a People
magazine-worthy affair.

Go to any wedding planning Web site and you'll be flooded with talking
points pushing this trend: Destination weddings allow the couple to spend
days with family and friends. Planning an event so far away keeps family
meddling to a minimum. (Yes, the same family that the couple is looking
forward to spending days and days with.) Somehow an "I do" under the palms
is considered more original than an "I do" at the parish.

But, most saliently, destination weddings are actually cheaper than local

For the people throwing the wedding, that is.

Whereas stateside nuptials can run $40,000, weddings in picturesque poverty
cost far less. And considering the guestlist gets pared, that's less again.

Tammra Radford wanted a destination wedding for just those reasons. The
whole affair in St. Thomas would cost the same as the catering alone in her
hometown of Detroit, she says. Plus, when the guests left, she and her
husband would already be on their honeymoon.

"But he said, 'No,'" she said, smiling to her new husband.

"I wanted everybody in my family to be at the wedding," Rodney Radford said
simply. He promised his wife a lovely, local wedding instead.

Now Tammra is extremely glad that's what she got - particularly because a
hurricane was heading for St. Thomas on the day they would have been wed

Which is not to say that fate frowns on destination weddings. Just that most
of us maxed-out, vacation-limited,
don't-wanna-sip-daiquiris-for-four-days-with-your-maid-of-honor invitees
sure do.

This article reminds me of Bill Doherty's "Let's Talk About Weddings"
banquet keynote.  I've been reading conference evaluations and listening to
tapes and this is one I can highly recommend.  It received the highest
ratings and is a delightful tape - great for anyone planning a wedding or
for professionals working with families. It would serve as a discussion
starter for a classroom setting or would be a great gift for a couple/family
who is wading into the wedding planning waters. Wonderful, sane advice.
Available on audio ($15) or video ($25) at 800-241-7785 - session #755-006.
- diane 

Brides vow: I do, until I don't
John Harlow, Los Angeles
August 02, 2005

AMERICAN brides are rejecting the vow to love "till death do us part" in
favour of more cautious promises such as staying together "for as long as
our marriage shall serve the common good".

A survey by professional wedding planners estimates that barely half of this
year's 2.6million US weddings will be held in a place of worship and only
one couple in five will stick to the traditional wedding script.

The rest will either "update" the wedding vows or create them from scratch,
often lacing them with private jokes.

This follows a lead set by Hollywood stars such as Julia Roberts, whose
handwritten vows reportedly included the pledge to "love, support but not
obey" her second husband, Daniel Moder.

Traditionalists say increasingly popular phrases such as "I promise to be
loyal as long as love lasts" are undermining the lifelong commitment that
has been at the heart of marriage since St Paul told the Corinthians a man
and wife are bound together "unto the grave".

Lady Diana Spencer caused some controversy when she declined to "obey"
Prince Charles on their marriage in 1981. But in the US, churches have been
struggling to hold the line at "till death do us part".

"This is unconditional," said William Donahue, president of the Catholic
League for Religious and Civil Rights. "Once you change that to 'as long as
love shall last' or similar, marriage becomes conditional and goes against
the grain of the sacrament."

Yet this is what is happening. Mary Jo Gallegos, of the Association of
Bridal Consultants, which carried out the research, said that with more
marriages between people of different faiths and cultures, old rules no
longer applied.

"I cannot recall the last time I heard a bride promise to love unto death,"
said Ms Gallegos, who runs a Californian agency called An Affaire of the

"People are more realistic now, especially if they are on their second or
third marriage."

Half of American marriages end in divorce, although that number has declined
slightly as people opt to cohabit instead.

Americans live together for three years on average before they "drift" into

Sharon Naylor, author of Your Special Wedding Vows, said she had heard vows
such as "until our time together is over".

"Yet these people take the institution very seriously, especially if they
are on a second marriage," she said. "They understand that you do not make a
promise you cannot keep."

Critics say the trend has been "legitimized" by celebrities such as Roberts
and her fellow actor Sandra Bullock, who pledged to "love you as long as our
engines last" when she married a man renowned for tinkering with racing

Copyright® John Harlow


Renee Zellweger's marriage crisis
July 27, 2005   English deutscher

Renee Zellweger's marriage to Kenny Chesney is said to be in crisis - after
a string of arguments.

Friends say chances of the pair - who married after a whirlwind four month
romance - making their first anniversary is virtually non existence.

The beautiful actress is reportedly worried Kenny is too controlling and has
told pals they were "practically strangers" on their wedding day.

A source revealed: "Renee had never even see him lose his temper before the
wedding, but now they're married he seems to think he can tell her what to
do. "He doesn't like her hanging out with friends and wants to get her away
from LA.

"When she tried to redecorate their new home in Connecticut he put his foot
down and said it was too expensive and a waste of money."

The 'Bridget Jones' actress is now so worried about their failing romance
she is begging Kenny to go to marriage counselling.

The friend added in an interview with Britain's Grazia magazine: "She just
didn't realise how different they were until after the wedding Renee is
going to ask Kenny to try marriage counselling before throwing in the towel.

"If that doesn't work, she'll start divorce proceedings She says she can't
go on like this for much longer."
Poor Renee. Maybe this is tabloid exaggeration, but with a 4-month
courtship, we wouldn't be surprised. If only she'd taken the Van Epp "How to
Avoid Marrying A Jerk" course and learned about "pacing your courtship".  He
Order the highly-rated 90-min tape of the session #755-813 at 800-241-7785

> 813
> How To Avoid Marrying A Jerk
> John Van Epp, PhD
> Great marriages begin long before the wedding. Learn what parents should teach
> and singles should know about the five keys to successful mate-selection, and
> how to avoid the "love is blind" attachment-syndrome.


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