Marriage 911 tonight!/ Mothers and Marriage/Oprah/Marital Longevity /Schools - 4/05

Mon Apr 25 09:12:37 EDT 2005

- MOTHERS AND MARRIAGE AND OPRAH AND ROLAND WARREN
- MARRIAGE 911 - AIRS TONIGHT
- MARRIAGE - WHAT'S SMART GOT TO DO WITH IT?
- MARITAL LONGEVITY
- WASHINGTON MOVES TO TEACH FAMILY MATTERS IN HIGH SCHOOL

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- MOTHERS AND MARRIAGE AND OPRAH AND ROLAND WARREN

> Diane, 
> I'm writing to thank you for alerting us to watch Oprah for the show based on
> the article that was in the NY Times.  It was a GREAT show!!  Wish you could
> show it at the conference. Everyone should see this and we should show this to
> our marriage classes. I also want you to know that your "heads up"
> announcements to watch different shows are very much appreciated.  I check my
> mail daily for your suggestions on shows to watch and books to buy. Please
> keep them coming. Can't wait to meet you at the conference.
> MM

I agree - it was a terrific show.  (For those that missed it, it was a show
that cautioned mothers against getting so absorbed in their children that
they ignore their husbands and take their marriages for granted.)  I also
want to praise Roland Warren.  He made excellent points -- and, my goodness,
he was very 'to the point!!' I see why Oprah loves having him on -- the only
man among all those women and telling it so like it is.  It must have been
an amazing day for Roland.  His photo was in the Washington Post with Laura
Bush at the National Fatherhood Conference on the same day he made this
knock out appearance on the Oprah Show.  You go, Roland!!  - diane

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- MARRIAGE 911 - AIRS TONIGHT

I know I told you this special episode of Nanny 911 would air tonight, but
want to remind you.  It's on Fox Channel at 8pm in DC - check your listing.
We shall see how they do.  - diane

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- MARRIAGE - WHAT'S SMART GOT TO DO WITH IT?

> Diane-
> I thought this was really cute: as I was making my American Airlines
> reservation and giving the discount code, the agent on the phone flipped out
> when it came up "Smart Marriages."
> She said she had just heard about the conference on the radio this morning
> (she was in Dallas) and it sounded really exciting. She had just gotten
> married - her husband was a minister and after we chatted and I gave her the
> web site she said they were definitely going to try to come.  One never knows
> when a marketing opportunity will arise!  And, good feedback that you're
> reaching people!
> Jan Levine

I hope you encouraged her to attend your workshop!  Great one for Newlyweds.
And, yes, I agree - I find the title of the conference offers "marketing"
opportunities when I'm talking to all the conference vendors.  I often have
to spell out the title because "Smart" and "Marriage" just don't seem to go
together in people's minds which always leads to an opening and the chance
to point out that our conference, unlike other "mental health" conferences
ARE open to the public.  Saddest of all is that the comment I get most often
is "I sure couldda used that a few years ago."  Send your stories, I love
them.  - diane 

> 205
> What¹s Love Got to Do With It? - Friday morning, June 24
> Janice Levine, PhD, Howard Markman, PhD
> What is love, and is it enough to sustain a relationship for a lifetime?  What
> do we need to know to support and cultivate it; to be sure it grows rather
> than erodes?

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- MARITAL LONGEVITY

> Hi, Diane,
> This story from Saturday's St Louis Dispatch
> http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20050423222309990001&ncid=NWS00
> 010000000001 reminds me of "Curtis and Edna" from
> Pat Love's book, "The Truth About Love". When I'm starting a new premarital
> couples' class, I read that story from the end of the book, and say, "This is
> the target--everything you'll be learning in the next weeks is aimed
> at helping you develop skills so love you have for each other now will go the
> distance." So far I've never read it through without choking up, and I
> remember how moved we all were at Pat's plenary and reading of it at the
> Orlando Conference in 2001. Perhaps the media are taking up the theme of
> celebrating marriage longevity and satisfaction after the movie, "The
> Notebook," but I'd rather believe positive stories like this reflect a turning
> tide in media awareness that can be credited to Smart Marriages and the
> Marriage Movement. My own parents, Betty & Horace Floyd have been Married 60
> yrs and entered a nursing home in March, 2005.
> Vernetta Mickey
> Littleton, CO 
> Divorce Busting Relationship Coach

I agree, and it reminds me to remind all of you again, to get a copy of the
the most romantic of love songs, "Where've You Been?" by Kathy Mataea which
basically plays out this whole story in song.  It's wonderful to play for
your marriage ed classes.        - diane

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- WASHINGTON MOVES TO TEACH FAMILY MATTERS IN HIGH SCHOOL
The Los Angeles Times
April 24, 2005

A bill before the governor seeks model lessons on relationships. Opponents
worry it would marginalize nontraditional homes.

By Tomas Alex Tizon, Times Staff Writer

> The wording of the original bill was so strident that lawmakers made it clear
> that it would not pass. That version required all high schools to offer family
> preservation classes as electives. Instead, after some wrangling, legislators
> settled on a version that required only that the state superintendent create a
> family preservation curriculum, one that school districts would then be urged
> to use as a guide.

(SURE have to wish this were the "other" Washington, that it was recognized
on a national level that teaching marriage and relationship skills in high
school and middle school makes obvious good sense. - diane )

SEATTLE ‹ Addressing the disintegration of traditional families, Washington
lawmakers this month took a step in requiring schools to teach "family
preservation" classes ‹ in essence making relationships as important as
reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic.

The Legislature passed a bill, awaiting the governor's signature, that
requires the state superintendent of public schools to develop a family
preservation curriculum that school districts will be urged to use as a
model.

Supporters say the classes would teach high school students how to form and
maintain loving relationships, resolve conflicts, and deal with stress,
grief and disappointment ‹ all vital to keeping families strong. A few other
states have passed or are considering similar legislation, including
Florida, New Jersey and New York.

Opponents say the measure could push schools into a realm in which they
don't belong, namely defining what is right and wrong within families and
idealizing a traditional "Beaver Cleaver" nuclear family that would
marginalize others, such as same-sex couples, single parents and blended
families.

"It seems innocent enough on its face. I mean what could be wrong with
preserving the family, right?" said state Rep. Steve Kirby, a Democrat from
Tacoma who opposes the measure. But Kirby said the language of the
legislation was so broad that it gave individual school districts the
license to veer into sensitive and personal, even private, issues.

Kirby says he is part of a blended family: He and his wife were previously
married and now both have step-children. He said he didn't like the idea of
"a teacher standing up in front of my son and giving him the impression that
somehow his family is substandard."

"One of my concerns would be my son coming home and telling me, 'Guess what,
Dad? We're doing things wrong,' " he said.

Children from other nontraditional families, such as those with same-sex or
single parents, could also feel alienated, Kirby said.

The major force behind the legislation, Larry Kvamme, a citizen activist
from Tacoma, said there was no hidden agenda in the law to advocate one form
of family over another. The emphasis, he said, is to teach the importance of
relationships and explore the dynamics that lead to either good
relationships or bad ones.

According to Kvamme and sponsors of the bill, an average of 114 marriages
and 75 divorces occur every day in Washington. Half of the divorces involve
couples with children.

Kvamme said studies showed that children from broken or single-parent
families did worse in school, had a higher chance of getting into trouble
and were more likely to perpetuate a cycle of unstable relationships.

"This kind of teaching shouldn't really be considered controversial," Kvamme
said. "The thrust is not in teaching values, it's in teaching personal
skills."

The wording of the original bill was so strident that lawmakers made it
clear that it would not pass. That version required all high schools to
offer family preservation classes as electives. Instead, after some
wrangling, legislators settled on a version that required only that the
state superintendent create a family preservation curriculum, one that
school districts would then be urged to use as a guide.

That curriculum, according to the superintendent's office, would include
classes on developing "respectful and caring relationships in the family,
workplace and community," and "integrating multiple life roles and
responsibilities in family, work and community settings."

Kvamme and supporters plan to keep pushing the issue.

Roxanne Trees, a family-education director for the Seattle School District,
said the plan was to lobby the state Board of Education to take the measure
one step further by requiring that such classes be taught in high schools.

Trees, a former education chair for the American Assn. of Family and
Consumer Sciences, an advocacy group, said such classes were part of a
growing national movement to make schools more involved in teaching personal
development skills to young adults.

Trees once taught a class on family education and relationships at Ingraham
High School in Seattle. She said one of her teaching methods involved the
use of role playing exercises to help teenagers get in touch with their
emotions.

In one exercise, a student would sit in front of a chalkboard. On the board
was a long list of emotions, such as anger, resentment, hurt and joy. One by
one, other students would get in the subject's face and make declarative
statements such as "You never do anything right. You make me sick," or "You
were a big help, and I appreciate it."

After each statement, the student would point to the word that best
described how the statement made him or her feel. The idea, Trees said, was
that once the subject pinpointed his or her emotions, the student could then
communicate it more easily to others.

Bernie Bagaoisan, a 1994 Ingraham graduate, recalls Trees' class. At the
time, Bagaoisan's parents "worked all the time and had no time" for him and
his younger brother. He said they were basically left to fend for
themselves.

"We never learned the basic things about relationships, about treating
people with respect and why that's important," he said. Bagaoisan credits
Trees' class with helping improve his relationship with his parents ‹ and
his future wife.

Rep. Dave Quall, a Democrat and a chief sponsor of the bill, put it this
way:

"You can make a case that the most important thing we'll do in this life is
be part of a family," he said. And yet many young people "get very little
preparation in this areaŠ. We just thought this would be a way for schools
to do their part." 

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At Smart Marriages, we are so supportive of the concept of teaching marriage
skills/knowledge/information to high school students that we have many
workshop, a keynote and two FREE Institutes - both pre and post conference
-- on the excellent curricula available and ready to "open box and teach."
We STRONGLY encourage you to find legislators who will support such
legislation in your state AND/OR simply work with the school systems and get
these curricula available in your Community Healthy Marriage Initiatives.

Here are the FREE Institutes:

> 117 One Day - Thursday, June 23 - Free admission. NO CEU.  Dallas
> School & Youth Marriage Education Programs
> Active Relationships - Amanda Weatherby
> Building Relationships - Peter Larson, PhD
> PAIRS for PEERS - Ellen Purcell
> PARTNERS - Lynne Gold-Bikin, JD
> Relationship Intelligence - Richard Panzer
> We have to start with the kids! These programs - being taught
> across the country - teach students about the skills that are
> central to building and maintaining good marriages. Curricula are
> easily adapted to classroom, church or community and youth
> group settings.  Teens also encouraged to attend.
> 

> 918 One Day - Monday, June 27 - Free admission. NO CEU. Dallas
> School & Youth Marriage Education Programs
> Kay Reed, chair
> Love U2 - Marline Pearson, MA
> CONNECTIONS - Char Kamper, MA, Scott Gardner, PhD
> Loving Well - Nancy McLaren, MAT
> We have to start with the kids! These research-based, best practice,
> developmentally appropriate programs  - being taught
> across the country - teach students the skills that are
> central to building and maintaining healthy marriages. Curricula are
> easily adapted to classroom, church or community and youth
> group settings.  Teens encouraged to attend. See #117.

**************************
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9th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Adam's Mark Dallas June 23 - 26, 2005
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