Distance Learning/Distinctions/Married Priests/Rowing the Boat - 4/05

Thu Apr 14 22:32:56 EDT 2005

- NJ CLARIFICATION
- DISTANCE LEARNING: MFT
- TRAINING FOR MARRIAGE EDUCATORS
- MCMANUS SEES SOLUTION IN MARRIED PRIESTS
- ROW ROW ROW THE BOAT
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- NJ CLARIFICATION
> Diane, That NJ bill was defeated and so the 18 month wait no-fault in NJ
> stands.  However, attorneys get around the 18 month wait by claiming at the
> end of 12 months that each spouse agrees there was no sex for 12 month.  That
> route is 33.3% shorter than no fault. - James McMahon

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- DISTANCE LEARNING: MFT

> Diane,
> I have been looking for a distance learning program since I started my
> undergrad work about 4 years ago.  So far I have only come up with Liberty
> University.  Their degree is recognized in 48 states, but distance learning is
> not recognized in California, which is bad for me.  Here is the link:
> http://www.liberty.edu/Academics/Graduate/index.cfm?PID=6014
> Chad Osborn
> North Coast Church Marriage Builders

> DIANE, I work for Liberty University.  We offer a 30, 48 and 60 Hour
> counseling program.  The 60 hour is sufficient for MFT's. You need to check
> with your state license board, but we are regionally and nationally accredited
> and will prepare you for licensure.  There are minimal residency requirements
> but each is only one week long.
> Christy Samms, Liberty University

> Diane:  
> While acknowledging that there might be certain components to the academic
> portion of a high quality MFT program a student might be able to complete
> online, I would have grave concerns about a program that did NOT include an
> ³in-person² clinical component, practicum, direct supervision and perhaps an
> internship.  The best of both worlds, I believe, would be licensed providers
> who have attended a rigorous program and who are also marriage friendly.  I
> can think of fairly worrisome scenarios where a therapist providing treatment
> might be very marriage friendly, but also very inexperienced clinically.
> Kelly Roberts, MS, LMFT

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- TRAINING FOR MARRIAGE EDUCATORS

> Diane, 
> Because many on the list are still confused, don't "get it" about the paradigm
> shift from Marriage Education (as distinct from Marriage Therapy) I think you
> should once again point out to readers that they can become certified Marriage
> EDUCATORS at the Smart Marriages Conference in the many pre and post
> conference training Institutes.  And, also, that there are programs that can
> certify instructors/marriage educators "out of the box" and also on-line and
> distance learning programs for marriage EDUCATORS.  I think every time the MFT
> or marital therapy or marriage counseling questions come up, you need to point
> out AGAIN that this is an organization of marriage EDUCATORS - and that
> marriage education is distinctly different from marital therapy or marital
> counseling. I know you've been doing this so long that it might seem like
> everyone understands, but, trust me, lots of people have still not ever heard
> of marriage EDUCATION.
> HG

OK, you are right. I forget that new people subscribe to the e-list each
day. I'm sure it is confusing. And, I do know the many reporters I talk to
each week certainly STILL ("after all these years and all our efforts")
don't get the distinction.  I guess it takes more than one decade to shift
paradigms. ;)  

So, yes, to clarify, you can become a certified/qualified marriage EDUCATOR
in many excellent marriage education programs like PREP, PAIRS, Couple
Communication, Relationship Enhancement, 7 Habits of Healthy Marriages,
IMAGO Education for Churches, Family Wellness, Active Relationships, African
American Marriage Education, Lasting Love, Stepping Together, Becoming
Parents, Brining Baby Home, Love's Cradle, LoveU2, Connections, Peers,
Partners, Christian PREP, Low Income Individual PREP, How to Avoid Marrying
a Jerk, Marriage Breakthrough, The Third Option, Compassion Workshops, Hot
Monogamy, 10 Great Dates.....and that's just a starter list -- the list goes
on and on of the excellent programs available. And, there are new programs
created every year -- we'll be introducing a bunch of new programs and
adaptations in Dallas.  Some require training -- (one to four days). But
many are "teach out of the box" -- buy the program and begin teaching --
with everything you need in the kit.  And, some offer training on-line.

You do not need a mental health degree to be a trained/qualified marriage
EDUCATOR.  You do not need to be a marriage counselor or marital therapist
to be a marriage Educator.

Check the Directory of Programs for a complete list at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html

 #############################
- ARMY BRINGS MARK GUNGOR TO GERMANY: MAY 23 - 25TH
The Army is bringing Mark Gungor to Germany to help military families that
will be rotating out of Iraq.  Military couples are suffering divorce rates
as high as 70% due to the strain of combat and extended tours of duty.
Major Larry Pundt, Family Life Chaplain for the Bamberg base said "Business
as usual has never worked anywhere for anybody. That is certainly the case
with Army families today. It is also the case with Mark. He is not 'the
usual.' In fact, we believe that Gungor can reach the couples that normal
methods of marriage enhancement can't touch."

Gungor was chosen due to his direct communication style that is VERY MALE
FRIENDLY.  Soldiers and chaplians appreciate Gungor's approach that brings
positive marriage information without being "preachy".

Gungor is the CEO of Laugh Your Way America! and is the active senior pastor
of New Beginnings Church in Stevens Point.  He lives in Stevens Point with
his wife of 32 years, Debbie.

And, YOU, Smart Marriage attendees, get to spend Sat night, June 25th with
him in Dallas, at Laugh Your Way to A Better Marriage.  This Sat night event
is INCLUDED in your conference registration fee. - diane

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- MCMANUS SEES SOLUTION IN MARRIED PRIESTS

April 14, 2005 Column #1,233 Advance for April 16, 2005
Two Predictions for the Catholic Church
by Michael J. McManus

No one has any inside knowledge about who the Catholic Cardinals will choose
to be the next Pope, but I'll make two predictions.

First, I believe the new Pope will be from Africa or Latin America and the
man with the best prospects is Cardinal Francis Arinze, a 72-year-old
Nigerian, the first black pope in 1500 years.

Second, I predict that the next Pope will permit married men to become
priests.

These two predictions are interrelated.

According to Father Tom Reese, a Jesuit priest and editor of the magazine,
America, the church's biggest internal problems is "the shortage of priests.
The time for denial is over.  There are not enough priests now, and the
situation is only going to get worse. A church without sacraments is not
Catholic," he writes in an editorial published this week.

"The next pope must acknowledge that providing the Eucharist and other
sacraments to the Catholic community is more important than mandatory
celibacy."

In the United States, there were 53,800 priests to serve 42 million
Catholics in 1960. Today there are only 44,000 to serve 67 million. In the
old days there was one priest for 780 Catholics , but now one priest serves
1,425 parishoners.  Their average age is nearly 60.

Result: Boston closed 83 churches last year, a third of its total.
Milwaukee fell from 265 churches to 219 and that diocese wants to shrink to
175.  "We should be moving to 275 churches, and expanding the pool of people
allowed to be priests," said Fr. David Cooper.

He was one of 166 Milwaukee priests who signed a letter to the President of
the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops asking that the priesthood "be open
to married men as well as to celibate men."  When the Catholic bishops met
last fall, 11,000 letters were given to them urging that mandatory celibacy
be reconsidered. In fact, two-thirds of priests in 53 dioceses pled with the
bishops for an "open discussion of the mandatory celibacy rule."

There are 25,000 former Catholic priests who left ministry to marry in
America. Russell Ditzel, head of a network of former priests, estimates
two-thirds would love to return to ministry.

The church's position on this issue is contradictory.  St. Peter and many
early priests, bishops and popes were married. Celibacy began to be required
because married priests allowed their children to inherit church property.
While celibacy is required by most priests, John Paul permitted 200 Lutheran
and Episcopal priests who were married, to become U.S. Catholic priests. And
there are thousands of "Eastern Rite" Catholic priests in Eastern Europe who
are married. Why? Centuries ago, the church made the change to compete with
Orthodox priests who are allowed to marry.

What about the competition by Protestant clergy, who are not only allowed to
marry, but can offer better pastoral service since the average pastor serves
100 people? No wonder Protestant churches are growing rapidly in Latin
America, home of 483 million Catholics, double that of Europe.

There is only one priest for 4,000 Catholics in Africa and one per 8,000 in
Latin America. Millions can attend Mass only once every few months. Global
South cardinals feel the shortage even more acutely than U.S.

Therefore, I predict that U.S. cardinals will support a Global South prelate
willing to call for optional celibacy.  None have done so publicly, but the
issue will be debated as they vote.

The major external issue facing the church is its competition with Muslims.
In Nigeria, the Philippines and India, hundreds of Christians have been
killed by militant Muslims.

No one has had more experience with this issue in the hierarchy than
Cardinal Arinze. He was born in Nigeria where the issue is contentious and
was elevated to bishop almost 40 years ago. He has served in the Vatican for
20 years, and led the Pontifical Council for Interreligious Dialogue from
1985-2001 where he had many contacts with Muslims.

He is respectful of them but orthodox.  "The other religions are expressions
of the human soul seeking God, with some beautiful spiritual insights.
Christianity is rather God seeking humanity,." he asserts. While Arinze
believes the church is "necessary for salvation," he says non-Christians can
be saved if they are sincere in seeking God and "follow their conscience in
all matters of right and wrong."

Cardinal Arinze speaks many languages.  He has traveled widely and is well
known to most cardinals, who may see him as a natural successor to Pope John
Paul II.

If elected, coming from Africa with its acute shortage of priests, I believe
he will allow a married priesthood.

###############################
- ROW ROW ROW THE BOAT

I'm sharing this one because it made my day -- warmed the cockles of my
heart.  It's an illustration of how much each of you KNOW ("just off the top
of your head"!), and is an example of how you can be on the alert for ways
to spread the "smartmarriages" message -- the knowledge and the hope and
information about practical programs. We'll know our work is done when ALL
of this is "common knowledge".  Until then, grab and oar and take the time
to spread the word every chance you get.  That's really the only way we'll
bring this boat to shore.  - diane

>> Hi Diane, over the past couple days, an email discussion list I'm on was
>> discussing the problem of divorce, even among religious and "churched" people
>> and what churches can do to help.  Someone said, "It seems like we need to
>> find ways to prevent separations/divorces from happening."  I got so excited
>> because I felt that I knew of things to share.  If it weren't for the
>> smartmarriages list and website, all I would have known to suggest would have
>> been therapy.  Here is what I wrote, just off the top of my head. Thanks for
>> providing so much great information.
>>  
>> --------------
>> I think prevention is the key.  Mentoring for premarital couples, as I
>> mentioned previously, is becoming very popular here in the U.S.  The Marriage
>> Savers program trains pastors and church mentor couples to work with engaged
>> couples and those who's marriages are experiencing difficulties. The
>> mentoring includes taking an inventory that will show areas of disagreement.
>> The mentor couple can express their concern over the areas of disagreement.
>> Oftentimes, the conversations about areas of disagreement that take place
>> during mentoring lead couples to break up before the wedding.  In my opinion,
>> this is preferrable to them realizing afterwards that they had not explored
>> issues thoroughly enough beforehand.  Mentoring is more informal and
>> probably less stigmatizing than seeing a counselor for premarital work,
>> though I am of course a fan of that, as well, as I specialized in MFT in
>> grad school.
>>  
>> Other things churches can do include holding or sponsoring marriage education
>> classes for dating, engaged, and married couples.  These are skills-based and
>> preventive in nature.  This would include courses like PAIRS, PREPARE, and
>> Couples Communication, as well as many others.  These courses involve
>> training, not therapy, and lay people can be certified to teach them. A lot
>> of the focus is on expectations and communications skills and conflict
>> resolution.  These courses are also largely based on providing information
>> about what is "normal" in marriage.
>>  
>> Other options would be to go through a program such as "Ten Great Dates"
>> where couples meet at the church with other couples to watch a video on a
>> certain  marital topic and then have exercises to complete during their
>> dates.  This program was put together by Mr. and Mrs. Arp.  I think her
>> name is Claudia.  I don't remember his.  I want to say Fred.  They've
>> written books as well. Anyway, couples gets to experience some marital
>> enrichment as part of these dates and the churches provide childcare.
>>  
>> Christian marriage retreat weekends are also an option. Churches can also
>> have good books related to marriage in their libraries. Les and Leslie Parot
>> are Christians and have written good ones.  Gary Smalley's books are good,
>> too.  Lots of books that aren't specifically Christian are still very useful
>> and full of good information about strengthening marriage.  For example,
>> "Divorce Busting" by Michelle Weiner-Davis and "Seven Principles for Making
>> Marriage Work" by John Gottman.  There are also great magazines out there
>> like "Marriage Magazine" and "Marriage Partnership," which is a Christian
>> magazine affiliated with Christianity Today.
>>  
>> All of these are things I've learned about through subscribing to the
>> smartmarriages email newslist and by reading articles and such on the
>> smartmarriages website. The address is
>>  
>> www.smartmarriages.com <http://www.smartmarriages.com>
>>  
>> I think it is much easier to prevent a problem than to intervene once
>> problems have reached the point where there are separations or counseling is
>> sought.  Many times, by then, it's too late for damages to be repaired.
>>  
>> Carmella Broome, Ed.S., LPC/I
>> Columbia, SC

**************************
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9th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Adam's Mark Dallas June 23 - 26, 2005
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