Iraq Request/CAMFT/Rituals -9/04

Smart Marriages ® cmfce
Sun Sep 19 18:29:02 EDT 2004

subject: Iraq Request/CAMFT/Rituals -9/04



We all know there will be enormous fallout from this deployment - many
broken families. That doesn't make this any easier to read. Many in the
coalition are working hard at helping couples readjust as soldiers return
home, but here's a chance to help while they're still deployed. Let me know
what you send. - diane

I am an American Soldier stationed in Iraq. I am a Chaplain for Fire, Police
and EMS at home when I am not soldiering. While here, I have become not only
a warrior but also a teacher, coach and mentor to my fellow soldiers. We
have suffered a great deal in this war, but the worst thing we are having to
suffer through is "forced divorce." I have soldiers who have stood in harms
way who are more shaken up by the spouse at home who tells them they no
longer have a home to come back to than by their battle experiences. It is
not everyday you have to aid a 6 foot 7 inch 300lbs man who is sobbing not
because of the gunfight we just went through but the call he just made and
got news that his wife wants a divorce...a divorce he doesn't want! It's a
fact we all have problems, those of us who are married and the ones that are
single, these relationships may have been in trouble before coming here, but
why end it now??Why?not try to work things out.

My own wife has asked me for a divorce while being here in Operation Iraqi
Freedom. Most of the soldiers I have counseled have also been approached
by their spouses as wanting a divorce upon their return home from this
operation. We are members of the Army National Guard. We are covered under
the soldiers and Sailors relief act at the time of deployment so our
spouses can not file for divorce until we are released. In my state, KY,
one must also be separated for 60 days and then go to a parenting class, if
you have children, before you may file for a divorce. My biggest concern
is that it is simply not enough. In most cases, although there have been
problems before the deployment, they have always been able to work through
their problems or they did not rise to this level. I believe there should be
more than just a sixty day separation. In most cases the soldier has been
gone for a year if not more, and these problems take time to fix. They
where not created yesterday. The soldiers themselves and their family
dynamics have changed since he has been gone and no counseling or mediation
is ordered to see if they both want a divorce or if it can be fixed through
mediation. I think the whole thing is crazy! Just because one party wants
a divorce you are stuck without any other recourse with no way to slow
things down or get help.

I have been trying to get several marriage books for several weeks now
including Divorce Busting, The Divorce Remedy and Fighting For Your
Marriage. Our library here in Iraq says they have access to them, but that
they are just unable to get them now.
- - - - -
Yes, please feel free to use my name and address. I would not mind you using
anything I have emailed you if it would help generate a response. My
soldiers and I need help.

I understand your concern that if you ask your list to send us books, I
might be overwhelmed with the response but I will be sure that any books on
marriage and relationships will be put to good use and left behind at the
library for other warriors to come. I can teach my men to Survive, Fight and
Win on the battle field but relationships are much trickier...

We also have access to CD and DVD players, maybe some of the books are on CD
or DVD? Those would be less expensive to mail.

Whatever anyone can donate, please mail to:

SSG Santiago, Miguel A
766th Trans Bn
APO AE 09366
Operation Iraqi Freedom

I just received the following group email from CAMFT (Calif. Assoc. for
Marriage and Family Therapists) and wondered if anyone who is a member of
the coalition and who is ALSO a member of CAMFT might want to send some
smart-marriages-type literature? Seems like an obvious way to let more folks
know about marriage education programs as an adjunct to practice. - PAJ
CAMFT's Marketing Team will be hosting a number of exhibits to highlight the
benefits of healthy relationships, to promote marriage and family
therapists, and the services of mental health professionals.

We invite MEMBERS to donate to CAMFT any books, articles, or materials
geared to the general public to be given away at these exhibits. If you
would like to donate materials, please mail them to CAMFT, 7901 Raytheon
Road, San Diego, CA 92111.
marketingteam at


My husband and i have been traditionally married for two years now and will
be wedding in December. When we were still dating as girlfriend and
boyfriend we reached an agreement that the person who is visited at their
home welcomes the visitor with a HUG AND A KISS.... and we are still doin it
today (amazing). In the morning when we part for work we give each other a
good day KISS, phone as soon as we get to our offices, lunchtime "How is/was
your lunch" and just before we knock off "Hie sweetie, im gettin out of this
place". After work its always a Kiss and "Hie sweetie, how was your day??"
We take a shower together (sometimes) as a way of connecting after a long
day, and sit together to play with our son and prepare him for his bedtime.
We never go to bed without a "goodnite darling/sweetie" and he holds me
closer to him everynight....... We talk less but i'm really happy with the
way we have done our marriage rituals and the different small ways we have
shown our love for each other, and the way we have stayed connected by these
small things we've done and said to each other.. I DON'T INTEND TO STOP
THESE RITUALS!!! For as long as we both shall live.....
Bunjiwe and Mehluli (Zimbabwe)

Great to hear from couples around the world. Continue to send your rituals,
people find them very inspiring. I've added this one to the Marriage Rituals
page at: - diane

1999-April 1999-April.txt 1999-April.txt.gz 1999-August 1999-August.txt 1999-August.txt.gz 1999-December 1999-December.txt 1999-December.txt.gz 1999-February 1999-February.txt 1999-February.txt.gz 1999-January 1999-January.txt 1999-January.txt.gz 1999-July 1999-July.txt 1999-July.txt.gz 1999-June 1999-June.txt 1999-June.txt.gz 1999-March 1999-March.txt 1999-March.txt.gz 1999-May 1999-May.txt 1999-May.txt.gz 1999-November 1999-November.txt 1999-November.txt.gz 1999-October 1999-October.txt 1999-October.txt.gz 1999-September 1999-September.txt 1999-September.txt.gz 2000-April 2000-April.txt 2000-April.txt.gz 2000-August 2000-August.txt 2000-August.txt.gz 2000-December 2000-December.txt 2000-December.txt.gz 2000-February 2000-February.txt 2000-February.txt.gz 2000-January 2000-January.txt 2000-January.txt.gz 2000-July 2000-July.txt 2000-July.txt.gz 2000-June 2000-June.txt 2000-June.txt.gz 2000-March 2000-March.txt 2000-March.txt.gz 2000-May 2000-May.txt 2000-May.txt.gz 2000-November 2000-November.txt 2000-November.txt.gz 2000-October 2000-October.txt 2000-October.txt.gz 2000-September 2000-September.txt 2000-September.txt.gz 2001-April 2001-April.txt 2001-April.txt.gz 2001-August 2001-August.txt 2001-August.txt.gz 2001-December 2001-December.txt 2001-December.txt.gz 2001-February 2001-February.txt 2001-February.txt.gz 2001-January 2001-January.txt 2001-January.txt.gz 2001-July 2001-July.txt 2001-July.txt.gz 2001-June 2001-June.txt 2001-June.txt.gz 2001-March 2001-March.txt 2001-March.txt.gz 2001-May 2001-May.txt 2001-May.txt.gz 2001-November 2001-November.txt 2001-November.txt.gz 2001-October 2001-October.txt 2001-October.txt.gz 2001-September 2001-September.txt 2001-September.txt.gz 2002-April 2002-April.txt 2002-April.txt.gz 2002-August 2002-August.txt 2002-August.txt.gz 2002-December 2002-December.txt 2002-December.txt.gz 2002-February 2002-February.txt 2002-February.txt.gz 2002-January 2002-January.txt 2002-January.txt.gz 2002-July 2002-July.txt 2002-July.txt.gz 2002-June 2002-June.txt 2002-June.txt.gz 2002-March 2002-March.txt 2002-March.txt.gz 2002-May 2002-May.txt 2002-May.txt.gz 2002-November 2002-November.txt 2002-November.txt.gz 2002-October 2002-October.txt 2002-October.txt.gz 2002-September 2002-September.txt 2002-September.txt.gz 2003-April 2003-April.txt 2003-April.txt.gz 2003-August 2003-August.txt 2003-August.txt.gz 2003-December 2003-December.txt 2003-December.txt.gz 2003-February 2003-February.txt 2003-February.txt.gz 2003-January 2003-January.txt 2003-January.txt.gz 2003-July 2003-July.txt 2003-July.txt.gz 2003-June 2003-June.txt 2003-June.txt.gz 2003-March 2003-March.txt 2003-March.txt.gz 2003-May 2003-May.txt 2003-May.txt.gz 2003-November 2003-November.txt 2003-November.txt.gz 2003-October 2003-October.txt 2003-October.txt.gz 2003-September 2003-September.txt 2003-September.txt.gz 2004-April 2004-April.txt 2004-April.txt.gz 2004-August 2004-August.txt 2004-August.txt.gz 2004-December 2004-December.txt 2004-December.txt.gz 2004-February 2004-February.txt 2004-February.txt.gz 2004-January 2004-January.txt 2004-January.txt.gz 2004-July 2004-July.txt 2004-July.txt.gz 2004-June 2004-June.txt 2004-June.txt.gz 2004-March 2004-March.txt 2004-March.txt.gz 2004-May 2004-May.txt 2004-May.txt.gz 2004-November 2004-November.txt 2004-November.txt.gz 2004-October 2004-October.txt 2004-October.txt.gz 2004-September 2004-September.txt 2004-September.txt.gz attachments database index.html pipermail.pck x
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