Grant/Lecture/Stress Study/Secrets - 5/04

Smart Marriages ® cmfce at smartmarriages.com
Mon May 17 14:05:38 EDT 2004


subject: Grant/Lecture/Stress Study/Secrets - 5/04

from: Smart Marriages®


- GRANT ANNOUNCEMENT
- FREE MARRIAGE LECTURE BY ALLAN CARLSON
- STUDY LINKS RESPONSES TO WORKDAY STRESS WITH MARITAL SATISFACTION
-'SECRETS' TO A GOOD MARRIAGE: AFTER EVER AFTER

#####################

- GRANT ANNOUNCEMENT

The Good News: 5 new grants of up to $400,000 each will be awarded that
include Healthy Marriage as one of the priority areas.

The Bad News: There are only 5 of these and Healthy Marriage is only one of
several priority areas, so this will be very competitive.

Applications are due July 13, so start your engines.  - diane

Children¹s Bureau 
Field Initiated Service Demonstration Projects in the Adoption Field
Application Deadline:  July 13, 2004

Find the application at:
Click on Funding Opportunity No. HHS-2004-ACF-ACYF-C0-0019 at
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/grants/index.html

or in the Federal Register:
http://a257.g.akamaitech.net/7/257/2422/14mar20010800/edocket.access.gpo.gov
/2004/pdf/04-10966.pdf

Up to 5 awards will be made for up to $400,000 each.
Project Duration:  48 months
Cost Share:  10% of the total approved cost of the project, cash or in-kind.

Who May Apply:  States, local governments, Tribes, public and private
licensed child welfare and adoption agencies, adoption exchanges, and faith
and community based organizations.  Applicants without direct access or
responsibility for children in the public child welfare system must partner
with States, local governments or public or private licenses child welfare
agencies.

Purpose:  To support continuous improvement and innovation in the quality of
adoption services.  Topics of interest include special recruitment,
retention, and support for the adoption of children age nine and older,
sibling groups, and children with disabilities.  Other topics of interest
include assessment of adoption services and services that expedite
adoptions.  

The project must address one of the ACF key priorities:  Healthy Marriage,
Fatherhood, Rural Initiatives, Faith-Based and Community Initiatives,
Positive Youth Development, and Prevention.
  
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- FREE MARRIAGE LECTURE BY ALLAN CARLSON

"Conjugal Happiness" and the American Way
Wed , May 19, 11am
Family Research Council
801 G St. NW
Washington, DC
Complimentary Lunch
Free but you must RSVP at FRClectures at frc.org or (202) 637-4614
This lecture will be audiocast live from www.frc.org.
***
Nearly 180 years ago, Alexis de Tocqueville observed, "There is
certainly no country in the world where the tie of marriage is more
respected than in America, or where conjugal happiness is more highly
appreciated." Twentieth-century leaders, from Theodore Roosevelt to
Ronald Reagan, made the same case.

In this lecture, Dr. Carlson will explore the unique role played by
"traditional" marriage in the shaping of American life and
national identity, from the Puritans to the present. Why did the
institution of marriage take on special significance in America? What
assumptions about marriage and family shaped the "informal" U.S.
Constitution? How did marriage actually unify the nation and shape
critical institutions? How was America's "culture of marriage"
reinvigorated in the mid-twentieth century? In what ways does America
still retain a "culture of marriage"?

#########################
- STUDY LINKS RESPONSES TO WORKDAY STRESS WITH MARITAL SATISFACTION
APA Monitor Online
Volume 35, No. 5 May 2004

After a tough day, women are more likely than men to criticize or show anger
toward their spouses, while men tend to respond to daytime stress by
withdrawing from their mates--yet all these behaviors may be signs of a
happy marriage for both sexes, according to a study in the March issue of
the Journal of Family Psychology (Vol. 18, No. 1).

In fact, women in the study who reported being in satisfying marriages were
more likely than dissatisfied women to behave angrily by, for example,
shouting at their husbands after a busy workday.

Why would such reactions contribute to happy marriages? Wives who are
happier with their marriages may feel more comfortable and freer to vent
frustrations to their spouse after a stressful day, whereas dissatisfied
wives may feel they have to suppress their anger, suggests lead researcher
Marc S. Schulz, PhD, associate professor of psychology at Bryn Mawr College.
In satisfying marriages, he says, husbands may also increase their
support--such as with family responsibilities and household chores--when
their wives are angry after a difficult workday.

The study found a different pattern for men: Those who reported being in
satisfying marriages were less likely than dissatisfied men to be angry and
critical toward their wives after a stressful workday. Men tended to rely
more than women on withdrawing from their spouse after a bad workday, found
the researchers, who also included Philip A. Cowan, PhD, and Carolyn Pape
Cowan, PhD, both of the University of California, Berkeley, and Robert T.
Brennan, EdD, of Harvard University.

The researchers uncovered the results in surveys of 42 married couples with
an oldest child in kindergarten. Couples were asked about their workday
pace, mood and marital behavior at the end of the workday and at bedtime for
three days. The men in the study averaged 43 hours of paid work per week,
while women averaged 25 hours per week.

In addition to revealing the anger expression-marital satisfaction link for
women, the study found that:

* Men tend to withdraw from interacting with their spouse in the evenings
following a workday that triggered negative emotions such as irritability,
distress and nervousness more so than after a busy, task-filled workday.

* Men and women displayed, on average, the same amount of withdrawal and
angry behavior. It was only under stress that gender differences showed up
in marital behavior.

* Women reported withdrawing from their husbands after fast-paced workdays
but not after stressful days. In fact, maritally satisfied women were more
likely to withdraw from their partners than dissatisfied women following
busy workdays.

"Negative arousal for women often leads them to engage with their partners,
but when they are overburdened with role demands they might lack the energy
to interact constructively with their husbands and they may withdraw,"
Schulz suggests.

--M. DITTMANN

##########################

- 'SECRETS' TO A GOOD MARRIAGE: AFTER EVER AFTER
The State  
May 13, 2004
Newlywed columnists seek them out by interviewing longtime spouses
By PAT BERMAN
Staff Writer

(This columnist couple will attend the Dallas Smart Marriages Conference. -
diane)  

As newlyweds, Jacqueline and Ernest Cromartie seem an unlikely pair to put
together a newspaper advice column on what makes a marriage last.

But their column, ³After Ever After,² which will debut in The State
newspaper May 16, does not follow the traditional, ask-the-expert formula.
The Cromarties seek couples married 10 years or longer to talk about what
has ‹ and has not ‹ worked in their relationships. Familiar themes and
patterns emerge, from child-care to money to sex issues, but those doing the
talking have lived through the experiences.

The Cromarties chose the 10-year mark as their starting point since the U.S.
Census Bureau and the National Center for Health Statistics reported in 2002
that the majority of divorces in first marriages occurred within seven
years. And 43 percent of first marriages end in separation or divorce, the
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported in 2001.

So who better than newlyweds to want firsthand advice from couples who have
endured? That was the Cromarties¹ thinking.

³We know we don¹t have the answers. We¹re young and just married, and we¹re
looking for advice and suggestions,² said Ernest Cromartie, 29.

Jacqueline Cromartie, 30, said that what started as their own quest to learn
³what it is we¹re supposed to do to not end up divorced² evolved into ³After
Ever After.²

The Cromarties¹ training as lawyers helps with their quest to keep it
together. In June, they will become certified leaders in an education ‹ not
therapeutic ‹ program in divorce prevention/marriage enhancing called
Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Programs.

³As a lawyer, you have to learn how to listen to people ‹ what you need to
ask and how you need to ask it,² Jacqueline Cromartie said.

³So many things that come up in a marriage seem so personal to you that
there¹s probably some embarrassment. But frankly, most people are having the
same issues. It¹s not anything new. That was a comfort for us. We heard
other couples going through the same things. We were wondering why there
wasn¹t a dialogue about it in the community.²

There aren¹t any secrets to making marriages work, the couple concluded. A
lot of recurrent themes involve commitment and communication.

One of the first couples they interviewed were Germaine and George Briant of
Louisiana. Both centenarians, the two married in 1921. Some of their advice
might seem irrelevant to a man and woman by today¹s standards, Jacqueline
Cromartie said. But scratch the surface, and deep advice emerges.

Germaine Briant talks about wearing her apron, preparing dinner and drawing
a bath for her husband before he came home from work. She added, ³A proper
man will help with the dishes and all.²

The point was not about the apron but that the two always made each other
feel welcomed home.

Reluctant to give advice, George Briant finally said: ³The kind of love that
stays together is the kind of love that hurts. You¹ll fuss and fight and get
back together again. Get accustomed to a tough life and learn to live and
take it. Only those who learn to love and live and take it are successful.
All those who want to take the easy way out can¹t make it.²

There¹s more practical advice from other couples, too. It runs the gamut
from a satisfying sexual relationships after children or surgery, not
criticizing your spouse in front of others, and filling the tank with gas if
you borrow your mate¹s car.

³The institution of marriage is changing and people are living longer,²
Ernest Cromartie said. ³The important thing is how to stay together.²

The Cromarties, who met at Georgetown University, were friends for 10 years
before marrying on Jan. 5, 2003. For Jacqueline, a New York native, it was
easy to remember her future husband, who is from Columbia. He shared with
her a shortcut to avoid one of those long lines college students often face
during admission and class enrollment. Gratitude, coupled with the fact that
she never knew anyone named Ernest, made them fast friends.

Joseph Rock Jr., a friend of Jacqueline Cromartie since childhood and a
member of their wedding, said, ³Things could be kind of comical with them.

³Ernest is definitely laid back, and Jacqueline likes to know she is trying
her best whatever she does. He helps slow her down.²

The Cromarties describe their relationship as competitive but playful.
Ernest said, ³Maybe 10 years down the line, we¹ll have a story to tell.²

http://www.thestate.com/mld/thestate/living/8650961.htm


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