Weiner-Davis Seminar/Hispanic/Asian/Mentors Battle Divorce/PA Program-4/04

Smart Marriages ® cmfce at smartmarriages.com
Thu May 6 18:13:27 EDT 2004

subject: Weiner-Davis Seminar/Hispanic/Asian/Mentors Battle/PA Program-4/04

from: Smart Marriages®



Chicago, June 5, 9-4
Come alone if your spouse won't attend!
Special price for Smartmarriages list members - $169 per couple
To register or more info: divorcebusting.com or 815-337-8000 / 800-664-2435

You can also attend a full-day training seminar with Michele Weiner-Davis at
the Dallas Smart Marriages conference.  Couples welcome to attend. You'll
also see her in a keynote presentation and can register for two 90 minute
workshops - all in Dallas, all included in the conference registration fee -
all great! Bring your partner.  - diane
> 112 One Day - Thursday, July 8 - Dallas
> The Divorce Busting Programs
> Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW
> Become a Divorce Buster!  Hands-on, in-depth information about the basic
> principles of two "teach-right-out-of-the-box" strength-based,
> solution-oriented programs - The Marriage Breakthrough, an interactive one-day
> video seminar, and Keeping Love Alive, a 5-session, small group
> audiotape/workbook program.  Teach your own marriage class or use in
> counseling or mentor setting.  Programs effective even when only one spouse
> participates. Didactic, video and experiential. $50 spouse discount. For more
> information:http://www.smartmarriages.com/divorcebusting.html

> 304 - Friday, July 9, Dallas
> Divorce Busting Programs
> Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW
> Marriage Breakthrough & Keeping Love Alive, two teach-out-of-the-box programs,
> help even last-ditch couples avoid divorce, even if only one spouse attends!
> Teach seminars or use techniques in your practice.
> 802 - Sunday, July 11, Dallas
> Keeping Love (and Sex) Alive
> Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW
> Learn the top tricks from America's #1 Divorce Buster for making your marriage
> and sex life all that it can be.  You'll leave energized, enthusiastic and
> empowered. Attend alone or with your partner.

Read in advance - 

Order Sex Starved Marriage on amazon in paperback for only $10.40
 Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7 Step Program for Saving Your Marriage for


Join your colleagues at the Smart Marriages Dallas Conference to explore
marriage-strengthening initiatives in the Asian Community.  Roundtables Fri
and Sat morning, 7:30-8:30am. Meeting Fri 5:30pm.  Lunch interest table:
Fri.  Contact Hyepin Im, hyepin at yahoo.com  - 213 216 3676 with suggestions,
questions.  - diane


A 59-page report, "The State of Hispanic America 2004", by the National
Council of La Raza is now online. To download:

Plan to attend the Hispanic/Latino American Healthy Marriage Initiative
Roundtables at the Smart Marriages Dallas conference, July 8, 9 and 10 from
7:30-8:30am. Open to anyone interested in strengthening marriages and
families in the Latino community.  - diane


Gannett News Service
May 5, 2004 

WASHINGTON ‹ If this week is typical, about 90,500 Americans will wed and
41,000 will divorce. There will be tears and toasts and vital documents
dimpled by a notary.

By all accounts, the hold divorce has on marriage is like fingers entwined.
Since the social revolutions and no-fault divorce laws of the 1970s, the two
have been nearly inseparable. It¹s why Census 2000 counted more than 21
million Americans divorced, a fourfold increase from two generations ago.

And it¹s why a happily married Baltimore contractor named Arnold Lord works
overtime to build a foundation of a different sort. He and his wife, Kim,
volunteer each week to teach Couple Communication, a sort of Marriage 101
for spouses wanting to strengthen or save their relationships.

The Lords are part of a new social revolution that tries to counter the
fracturing effects of the old revolutions.

"When people get married they expect to stay married forever, but they don¹t
always know how to," said Arnold Lord, 35, and married for six years. "They
need to be taught. Š No one expects to become that Œone¹ in the one-in-two
marriages that fail."

 In classrooms, churches and community centers ‹ and increasingly on Capitol
Hill ‹ there¹s an urgency to teach what therapists call "emotional
intelligence." The idea has been growing for a decade, but President Bush¹s
five-year $1.5 billion plan to promote it in poor communities could press
the fight to new fronts.

 Once the bulwark of the American family, sociologists say marriage is
buckling under the strains of individualism, secularism and reformist laws.

"No-fault divorce certainly represented a further weakening of the
institution of marriage, but it was mainly a reaction to what people already
wanted to do or were doing," said Rutgers University sociologist David
Popenoe, co-founder of the National Marriage Project, a nonpartisan research

The U.S. divorce rate hit a peak in 1980 with close to 60 percent of all
marriages failing by some estimates, then it tapered off to just below 50
percent, where it stubbornly remained. But provisional data for 2002 reveal
a slight blip upward in U.S. divorces for the first time in a decade,
Popenoe said.

 For better or for worse, he said, Americans are learning to live with a
high divorce rate. In 2002, the percentage of American children under age 18
who lived with a single parent was 28 percent, up from 12 percent in 1970,
according to census data.

"But if you talk to young people today, the last thing they want to go
through is a divorce," said Popenoe, a 71-year-old celebrating his 45th
wedding anniversary this year. "They don¹t want to put their kids through
what they went through."

 Monitoring the Future poll conducted in 2001-2002 by the University of
Michigan Institute for Social Research, show that 77.3 percent of 2,000 high
school seniors believe that having a good marriage and family life is
"extremely important."

It¹s why some therapists are predicting a marriage renaissance, even as
divorce and indifference wear down the institution.

"Up until now we¹ve believed it was just about getting lucky in love," said
Diane Sollee, founder of the Washington-based Coalition for Marriage, Family
and Couples Education, a nonpartisan clearinghouse for the war on divorce.
"The next generation will be much smarter."

Grass-roots marriage programs best known by their acronyms have drawn the
blueprint for Bush¹s "Healthy Marriage Initiative," which has bipartisan
support, including that of Democratic presidential challenger, Sen. John
Kerry. The Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills (PAIRS)
recently expanded from adults to schoolchildren, and the Prevention and
Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP), the most popular of these courses,
is already being used by the government and was first introduced into the
U.S. military in 1990.

Tied to the Senate Welfare Reform Reauthorization bill, Bush¹s Healthy
Marriage Initiative would use $300 million per year to expand courses like
PREP to low-income neighborhoods. About three-quarters of aid given to
children through Medicaid, public housing and food stamps go to
single-parent families. Children living with single mothers are five times
more likely to be living in poverty, according to a census analysis by the
conservative Heritage Foundation.

"We can no longer survive by the old laws and old way of relationships,"
said Lisa Taylor, an unmarried 45-year-old therapist who oversees a PAIRS
club at John F. Kennedy Middle School in a poor neighborhood of North Miami
Beach, Fla.

The difference between marriages that fail, like Sollee¹s did 25 years ago,
and those that celebrate silver and gold anniversaries, is healthy
communication. All marriages have about 10 irreconcilable differences, but
the successful ones learn to manage disagreements, Sollee said.

"We are abysmally ignorant when it comes to marriage," she said. "We need to
get to the point in America where we are at least as smart about marriage as
we are about using bike helmets and seat belts and about exercising and not
Sidebar: On the Web:
www.pairs.com, the Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills
www.prepinc.com, the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program.
www.smartmarriages.com, the Coalition for Marriage, Families and Couples
Tips for happier marriage
Here are three tips that can be a key to a happier marriage:
1. Avoid assigning blame. Choose words carefully and use them as tools, not
weapons. Argue in a way that doesn¹t discourage feelings of intimacy. For
example, avoid statements like, "You never help me around here and I do it
all." Instead say, "I feel overwhelmed with so many chores, would you be
willing to help me?"
 2. Listen actively. Instead of waiting for the first pause in conversation
to insert an opposing view, acknowledge your spouse¹s perspective and try to
understand why it is important. Invite more information and understanding
with your questions.
3. Create a list of 10 specific behaviors that your partner does or could do
that make you feel cared about, special or important. Post the list where it
can be read and ask your partner to do the same. Each should try to do at
least three things on the list daily.
Sources: Couple Communication, a relationships skills program; Practical
Application of Intimate Relationship Skills, also called the PAIRS program;
Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, a nonpartisan
information clearinghouse

By Frances Borsodi Zajac
Herald-Standard - Pennsylvania
May 5, 2004 

At a time when about 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, towns and
states across the country are trying to reverse that trend by establishing a
program called Healthy Marriages Community Initiative.

Fayette County is now being asked to do the same."At this point, we're
feeling the waters and seeing if there's interest - if people are willing to
cooperate to this end,'' said Patricia Tobal, project manager for Fayette
County Community Action Inc., who chaired a luncheon meeting on the issue at
Community Action Monday.

Currently, Community Action is operating its own Healthy Marriages education
program through a one-year grant obtained from the Office of Community
Services that is part of the United States Department of Health and Human
Services. The program offers marriage education classes for people in their
homes through the Nurse Family Partnership, which provides help to
low-income first-time mothers and their families, and in a group setting
through Prepare, a five-week series of free classes aimed at engaged and
married couples that is available to couples at any age or income group.

Monday, Community Action hosted representatives from human service
organizations, education and government officials to see what interest there
would be in forming a local initiative that would go beyond the work that
Community Action is doing on its own.

Guest speaker Dr. Jeff Osanka, family strengthening coordinator and senior
advisor to the director of the Office of Community Services, U.S. Department
of Health and Human Services in Washington, D.C., explained that the Healthy
Marriages Initiative heavily emphasizes education and communication as ways
to strengthen marriage.

"Most people think they are good communicators, and most people could easily
improve their communications skills,'' Osanka said.

He noted the Healthy Marriages Initiative is not a dating service and does
not encourage people to stay in abusive, unhealthy relationships. The
program does not provide counseling.

"There is a difference between marriage counseling and marriage education,''
he said, adding, "We don't want to tell anyone to get married. That's their
choice. But we want to help couples who choose to get married for

The Healthy Marriages Initiative began on a federal level during the Clinton
Administration when the nation's welfare program underwent reform. Tobal
explained the program's emphasis on getting people back to work was well
publicized but the program also had goals of reducing the number of children
born out of wedlock and seeing an increase in stable relationships and the
number of marriages.

"Children growing up in a two-parent home are healthier, avoid becoming
involved in the juvenile justice system and do better in school among other
things,'' Tobal noted. "There are many benefits to children growing up in
two-parent families.''

For the past two years, the federal government has offered a number of
programs to support Healthy Marriage Initiatives across the country. Fayette
County Community Action's program is one of three demonstration programs
currently funded by the Office of Community Services in a one-year grant
that ends this September. The Office of Community Services is also funding a
program in a New Jersey community and in Delaware, which is doing a
statewide program.

Osanka said, "We believe for a number of years government has done things to
discourage marriage: children having children having children and none in a
marriage relationship. We hope in encouraging marriage education that we
might break some cycles.''

Funding for initiatives is coming not only from the government but from
businesses and foundations as well. Local initiatives can look for funding
from a variety of sources as well as decide how their program will be
shaped, such as offering a Web site on what programs are available
throughout the community. Osanka reported on programs currently in operation
throughout the country (California, Texas, Oklahoma and Tennessee) as well
as training that is available for providers.

Locally, Casey Ramage, senior family development consultant for Fayette
County Community Action, has been trained as a case manager for the Prepare
program, which will begin offering its next set of classes on Sunday, May
23, from 2 to 4 p.m. This free program, which meets for five weeks, offers
education on identifying relationship strengths, resolving disagreements,
developing personal and relationship goals, exploring the relationship,
developing a budget and financial plan, and strengthening communication and
listening skills.

The classes, which are open to couples of all incomes and ages, maintain
privacy by addressing topics, not individual circumstances, Tobal said.
More information on the Healthy Marriages Community Initiative and Prepare
classes are available by calling Community Action at 724-437-6050, extension

©The Herald Standard 2004

Copyright © CMFCE. All rights reserved.

To SUBSCRIBE or UNSUBSCRIBE, or Change your subscription address,
use the form on our website (http://www.smartmarriages.com). Click
Newsletter - right under the puzzle piece.

Please respect our copyright. If you wish to use any of our content send an
email and request permission.

This newslist shares information on marriage, divorce and educational
approaches.  Opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by members of the

This is a moderated list. Replies are read by Diane Sollee, editor. Please
indicate if your response is NOT to be shared with the list.  PLEASE include
your email address in with your signature.

To read ALL past posts to the newsletter, visit the Archive at:

8th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Adam's Mark Dallas July 8 - 11, 2004
Pre and Post Conference Training Institutes July 6 - 14, 2004
Subscribe to the free e-newslist at www.smartmarriages.com
List your program in the Directory of Classes at www.smartmarriages.com
Order conference audio and video tapes at 800-241-7785 or at playbacknow.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW,   Washington, DC 20015-1961
202-362-3332 FAX 202-362-0973
cmfce at smartmarriages.com

More information about the SmartMarriages mailing list