Resource Cntrs/Grants/RE Conference/Speakeasy/Debate-3/04
Smart Marriages ®
cmfce at smartmarriages.com
Tue Mar 9 18:34:32 EST 2004
subject: Resource Cntrs/Grants/RE Conference/Speakeasy/Same Sex-3/04
from: Smart Marriages®
- THE HOTEL IS FILLING FAST - 800-444-2326 - CALL TODAY
- IF YOU NEED MORE BROCHURES, EMAIL ME
- WEB-BASED MARRIAGE RESOURCE CENTERS
- GET THEE TO A FREE GRANT WRITING WORKSHOP
- RELATIONSHIP ENHANCEMENT ANNUAL TRAINING CONFERENCE
- SAME SEX MARRIAGE DEBATE
- WEB-BASED MARRIAGE RESOURCE CENTERS
Many of you are working to get your Marriage Resource Centers up and
running. This may help. - diane
> Good morning Sandy,
> Congratulations on the implementation of your Berks County
> Coalition Marriage Resource Center website.
> As webmasters of the Ohio Marriage Resource Center website,
> please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you.
> We are trying to form an email network of marriage resource
> center webmasters. Using the network, we can exchange information
> of interest to us all. The following is the list of webmasters we
> have for existing marriage resource center websites:
> Jennifer Baker Ozarks MRC <jbaker at forest.edu>
> Mike Bradley Iowa MRC <host4success at frontiernet.net>
> Cathy Brown San Diego MRC <Cmbrown0000 at cs.com>
> Dennis Stoica Orange Co MRC <Dennis at OCMarriage.org>
> Dick Cronk Ohio Marriage Resource Center cronkra at erinet.com
> Please be sure to revise the meta keywords on the home page
> of your site. Since you copied the Orange County template, the
> keywords still include references to Orange County. These keywords
> are used by search engines when people are looking for info about
> Working for strong marriages
> Dick & Carol Cronk, Lay Directors
> Christian Life Center Marriage Builders Ministry, Dayton, OH
> email cronkra at erinet.com
> web http://www.ohiomarriageresources.org/
REMEMBER, to send me the url as soon as you're launched, so I can get your
Marriage Resource Center posted on the Registry. And, if you're new to the
list and need the step-by-step instructions about how to create a web-based
Marriage Resource Center in your region, see
http://www.smartmarriages.com/stoica.oc.html - diane
- GET THEE TO A FREE GRANT WRITING WORKSHOP
We'll feature a FREE all-day grant writing workshop at the Dallas Smart
Marriages Conference on Thurs/July 8 presented by David Mills of We Care
America. (Institute #116, Grants and Funding.) If you can't attend it, or if
want to spend Thurs July 8 in another training institute - like PREP, PAIRS,
7 Habits, Prepare/Enrich, Lasting Love, Marriage Savers - (oh my, so many
choices!), then get yourself registered for one of the FREE grant writing
workshops across the country either before or after the Smart Marriages
Conference. There are many ways to skin this cat. - diane
> Here's the latest schedule of FREE IYD workshops to learn everything you
> need to know about the federal grant application process.
> Julie Baumgardner of First Things First Chattanooga attended one of these
> workshops and said "It was top-notch, wonderful, practical,
> easy-to-understand and helpful."
> And, as Chris Gersten pointed out in the closing Marriage Initiative Rally
> at the 2003 Reno Smart Marriages conference, when it comes to applying for the
> healthy marriage initiative money, knowing how to write the grant can be as
> important as knowing how to provide the services. Even if you've sent one
> person from your community, send another. Strength in numbers!
> These seminars, presented by The Institute for Youth Development (IYD) and
> funded by U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, are intended to help
> you (faith-based and community organizations) working in collaboration with
> community entities (Community Healthy Marriage Initiatives) write
> high-quality, successful applications for federal grants.
> The training includes general information on the federal funding process,
> guidance on researching grants, writing tips and an introduction to program
> evaluation. NOTE: If you attend the seminars, IYD consultants will help you
> as you work on the grant - give you free feedback, guidance,
> recommendations. If you don't attend one of the IYD seminars, they will NOT
> be able to help you! - diane
>>> Here's some of the info from the site.
>>> CCF Federal Grants Educational Conferences
>>> The Institute for Youth Development (IYD) will host 24 one and one-half day
>>> seminars on federal grants.
>>> Conferences are designed to assist faith-based and community organizations
>>> in producing high-quality, competitive applications for federal grants.
>>> Sessions include general information on the federal funding process,
>>> guidance on researching grants, grant writing tips, as well as an
>>> introduction to program evaluation. Conferences will include general
>>> sessions as well as one-on-one technical assistance sessions.
>>> Registration for all conferences will be on a first-come, first-served basis
>>> with pre-registration required.
>>> If you have questions, please contact Betty Barrett at IYD (phone (703)
>>> 471-8750 ext 132; fax (703) 471-8409;
> The workshops are FREE but require a $25 deposit refunded at the workshop.
> 2004 Schedule - to register go to http://www.youthdevelopment.org/programs.htm
> Grant Writing Workshops
> March 18-19 Jackson, MS
> April 1-2 Eugene, OR
> April 15-16 Charleston, SC
> April 29 - 30 Phoenix, AZ
> May 13-14 Indianapolis, IN
> May 20-21 Omaha, NE
> June 3-4 Des Moines, IA
> June 17-18 Boise, ID
> July 8-9 Lansing, MI
> July 22-23 Harrisburg, PA
> August 5-6 Helena, MT
> September 9-10 Portland, ME
> September 12-14 Albany, NY
- RELATIONSHIP ENHANCEMENT ANNUAL TRAINING CONFERENCE
The National Institute of Relationship Enhancement (NIRE) will host 3 days
of RE training, March 19-21 in Bethesda, Maryland. March 19, Rob Scuka will
present a workshop on "The Art of Deep Empathy: Empathy and Its Multiple
Uses." March 20, Bernard Guerney, founder of Relationship Enhancement,
presents a workshop focused on using RE with special situations and
populations. March 21, Louise Guerney presents a workshop on special uses
of the Filial program.
This annual meeting gathers key RE developers from across the country for
discussion, shared learning and networking. $125 per day. 6 CE's per day.
For info: http://www.nire.org or 301-986-1479.
ALSO, you can take the RE training at the Dallas Smart Marriages conference
and leave fully-equipped and ready to begin teaching the program:
> 105 Two Days - Wednesday & Thursday, July 7 & 8, 2004
> Relationship Enhancement (RE)
> Rob Scuka, PhD, Mary Ortwein, MS
> Learn to teach the nine RE skills that nurture love and enhance intimacy by
> enabling couples to uncover and communicate their deepest feelings, concerns
> and desires, and by empowering couples to create solutions to even their most
> difficult problems. Intensive role-play, skills-training and coaching.
> Qualifies participants to teach RE.
> Dear Diane,
> I saw your post last week about strengthening marriage in Native American
> communities and wanted to let you know our latest version of the Speakeasy
> games is for Native American couples - "a Native American bilingual
> communication game". We'll have it at our exhibit table at the Dallas
> conference and invite people to check it out.
> Linda Webber, PhD
> iica at alaska.net
Linda and Leon Webber will present a "Speakeasy Games" seminar at the Dallas
Smart Marriages conference on Sunday, July 11. Great to hear that they have
a Speakeasy version for Native Americans - it figures since they're from
Alaska with its large Native American population. You can find info about
the many different version of their games on the books/tapes/resources page.
This sounds like fun! A great way to end the conference. - diane
> 816 - Sunday, July 11
> SPEAKEASY Communication
> Linda Webber, PhD, Leon Webber, DMin
> Learn a relationship card game that helps couples and families communicate,
> problem solve and "play" their way to new levels of teamwork, intimacy and
- SAME SEX MARRIAGE DEBATE
> First you tell us you're NOT going to air a discussion of the same sex
> marriage on the list. THEN you send the article by Maggie Gallagher and in the
> same post announce there will be a same-sex marriage discussion at the Dallas
> conference. BUT you send nothing to BALANCE the Gallagher article. Excuse me?
> Sorry, Diane:
> Maggie Gallagher's treatise against same-sex marriage is not logical or
> rational. It's an ideology cast in pseudo-rationality. It's not same-sex
> marriage that has damaged children and families, it's lack of respect for
> marriage itself, and lack of knowhow on the part of the newly wed. Your
> organization is doing a lot to correct this problem, and as a woman happily
> married for almost 23 years, as well as a licensed full-time marriage
> counselor, I applaud that. But I hate it when respected people like
> Gallagher don't make sense, and make false claims bolstered with poignant
> stories, rather than facts. Same-sex marriage is a right we cannot deny to
> people under our constitution, and people making these arguments are no
> more rational than the bigots who argued for the misnamed "separate but
> equal" treatment for African-Americans.
> Tina B. Tessina, LMFT, PhD
> tinatessina at compuserve.com
About 200 of you took the time to write and make basically these same
points: 1) that I'm not being consistent and 2) that Maggie Gallagher is not
being logical. Gallagher's article is not the only article on the same sex
issue that I've shared with the list. As I said I don't want to turn the
smartmarriages newslist into a same-sex marriage debate - that that debate
is taking place on many other lists and that it would soon overwhelm our
list, but that I will share articles from time-to-time as news is made. I
felt it was important to point out that we will have the same sex discussion
session at the Smart Marriages Dallas conference (that is "news" - a
first-time event) - and I thought the Gallagher article was a good way to
introduce it since she is one of the discussants. I've shared several of
your comments (above and below) and now will go back to the policy of
focusing on our mission to bring marriage strengthening education and
information to the public and providers. Please don't be offended if your
comment didn't make it - there were too many, and all too much the same.
And, all of you, please be aware that I AM aware that the coalition is of
two (or more) minds on this issue. As some of you gently admitted, you find
that you keep changing your own mind and that's why you wish I'd air the
debate. That you'd rather read what those on this list have to say about the
topic than read/hear what the politicians are saying. To do that, please
come to the session in Dallas. And, if you can't attend, you can order the
audio tape or CD for $10. And, if you want to join in that discussion
on-line visit familyscholar.org and marriagedebate.com. - diane
> Dear Ms. Gallagher,
>> You wrote: Op/Ed - Maggie Gallagher
>> THE MESSAGE OF SAME-SEX MARRIAGE
>> Jan 6, 2004
>> What message will same-sex marriage send to the next generation?
> I RESPOND: Some same-sex marriages may send the message that children aren't
> important, but your data sample in the column (one college student on an
> airplane, and an unidentified "family diversity crowd") hardly qualify as
> comprehensive or scientific.
> The persons I know, primarily in the Lutheran church, who support same sex
> marriage intend to send a far different message. Many advocates for same sex
> marriage want to support the values of fidelity, compassion, responsibility,
> and most certainly, care of children. While children may be healthier in an
> emotionally stable family consisting of a married woman and man, to conclude
> that same sex marriage will damage those families, as you do, or to suggest
> that same sex couples will not provide an emotionally stable environment, as
> you do, flies in the face of my experience.
>> You wrote: Same-sex marriage will be a public and legal declaration that the
>> state of Massachusetts believes that children do not need mothers and
>> Alternative family forms are not only just as good, they are just the same as
>> a husband and wife raising kids together.
> I respond: First of all, the state of Massachusetts has said no such thing.
> You conclude from the court's action something it did not say, nor does it
> logically follow. Every transaction has an intention, behavior, and impact.
> You and I can't know the intentions of the judges. We observe the behavior,
> which is a fairly straight forward ruling. Then comes impact, which is a
> product not only of the objective behavior, but our receptors (values,
> experience, histories, etc.) Your receptors differ from mine, so we reach
> different conclusions.
>> You wrote: "Don't you think that ideally, kids need a mom and a dad?" I
>> "Not really," Matthew told me. "I don't think so."
>> He told me knew some kids at school who were being raised by a same-sex
>> couple. They seemed OK to him. Besides, he said, his mom and dad were
>> divorced. His older brother seemed to have some problems with it, he hinted,
>> but that was probably just because his brother was older and knew his dad
>> better before they divorced. "Kids just accept whatever their family
>> situation is. It doesn't matter," Matthew told me. After all, he was raised
>> by a single mom and doing just fine. Sure, he was doing fine, in a lot of
>> ways. But then I pulled out my big gun: "What about you?" I asked him. "Do
>> you think you'll matter to your kids?"
> I respond: Your big "gun"? Frightening symbol. Good question ("Do you think
> you'll matter to your kids?"), but "winning" a debate by "shooting down"
> another's ideas conjures up an image foreign to one who cares deeply about
> children. Given his response to your first question ("Don't you think,
> ideally, kids need a mom and dad?" "Not really.") it would seem you chose not
> to accept him as solid data, so you tried a different approach.
>> You wrote: Matthew seemed taken aback by the question. Obviously he had
>> looked at it from that perspective. He thought for a moment and then followed
>> his train of thought to the only logical conclusion -- a train wreck: "No,"
>> he said. "Not really." Abandon your kids early enough, he implied, and
>> fatherlessness is all they know. They won't need you. Kids adjust. This has
>> been, of course, the big message of the family diversity crowd since the dawn
>> of the sexual revolution: Adults have awesome intimacy needs that must be
>> Family forms, social norms, household arrangements all must be wound,
>> and rewound so the adults get what they need. Kids? Oh, they adjust.
> I respond: "Train wreck?" You do have a way with imagery and assuming intent
> ("he implied"). Fact: Kids do adjust. If they didn't, we'd have much worse
> problems. But kids deserve better than "adjustment." Heterosexual production
> of children and their care challenges the best of us. Marriage provides some
> positive social and legal support in our efforts. But just as or even more
> important, what are the values and skills of the parent/parents?
> Smartmarriages commits itself to providing quality resources so individuals
> and couples might have effective relationships, and carry out their
> responsibilities to children in the best possible way.
> Denying same sex couples the social and legal support of marriage takes away a
> resource that could support their values of responsible child rearing.
>> You wrote: One of the many ways in which same- and opposite-sex couples
>> is on this thing called babies. Gays and lesbians can get children only after
>> an enormous amount of effort and deliberate thought: through adoption, buying
>> a baby from a woman (a.k.a. "surrogate motherhood") or artificial
>> insemination. Babies don't just suddenly appear. By contrast, the things
>> men and women must do to make sure they do NOT have children outside of
>> marriage are difficult -- abstain from sex, have a shotgun wedding, use
>> contraception consistently or have an abortion (in descending order of moral
>> virtue, in my opinion).
> I respond: Okay, so gay and lesbian persons are challenged to "have children"
> and heterosexual persons find it challenging if they do NOT want to "have
> children." That seems "factual." Then, you go on:
>> People won't avoid unmarried childbearing in a society that says what
>> marriage says: Children don't need mothers and fathers. Alternative family
>> structures are just as good. Young men who are raised to believe that fathers
>> don't matter to their children will not become dependable husbands and
> I respond: If indeed, same sex marriage says what you claim, and I have
> already indicated that "some" might, but many do not, I wonder if it can be
> heard above the roar of what has been said for decades by the inaction of
> faith communities and non profit agencies regarding marriage education?
> Family "breakdown" is not a new reality, nor has the relatively recent
> advocacy for same sex marriage demonstrably intensified the trend. As we
> collaborate to provide resources to all who want a safe, stable, and
> emotionally healthy environment for children, we are moving in the right
> direction. Blaming same sex marriage drains important energy away from our
>> Marriage is our most basic social institution for protecting children.
>> Same-sex marriage amounts to a vast social experiment on children. Rewriting
>> the basic rules of marriage puts all children, not just the children in
>> unions, at risk. Do not expect boys to become good family men in a society of
>> Matthews who believe, as they have been taught, that men are optional in
>> family life. Advocates of gay marriage are trying to persuade us that SSM
>> won't affect anyone but the handful of gay and lesbian families. Don't
>> it. Listen to Matthew, who has absorbed the message of SSM very well.
>> are optional. Children are resilient. Adults are fragile, and their emotional
>> needs come first.
> I respond: I think we agree that marriage is important and deserves every
> resource we can apply. Same sex marriage has the potential for positives
> within those families, assuming good marriage education and solid values.
> Such role models might even positively impact other models if given the
> Just because Matthew answered, "No, not really," to your question "Do you
> think you'll matter to your kids?" does not warrant the conclusions you drew.
> Matthew might be heard to say "Children are resilient. Adults are imperfect
> and deserve all the help they can get. Given the problems in heterosexual
> marriages, I wonder if I'll matter." He didn't, of course. Just as he
> didn't say what you projected on him. You appear to use Matthew as the
> symbol for all those who advocate for same sex marriage, and all the negative
> things you've concluded from them, and all the fears you hold for the children
> once our social structure changes.
> I've used more energy and space than I intended, because I'd rather be
> teaching marriage education classes to any who will attend, and advocate for
> skill training for all who plan to or have children, rather than debate the
> same sex marriage issue. However, I wanted you to know there are responsible
> and caring marriage educators out in the world who see things quite different
> from the bleak picture you painted in your column.
> A.E. Nielsen
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