The Marrying Kind - 6/04

[Smart Marriages ®]

subject: The Marrying Kind - 6/04

from: Smart Marriages®

- THE MARRYING KIND - USA TODAY
- THE MARRYING KIND PRESS RELEASE

Print this and keep in your files.  Useful in so many ways.
Nice that this message follows right on Father's Day.
- diane 

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- THE MARRYING KIND - USA TODAY
Men from traditional homes are more the 'marrying kind'
Those from families of divorce more prone to distrust, survey finds

By Marilyn Elias USA TODAY
June 23, 2004 

Men who grew up in homes without two biological parents are less likely to
be married by their early 30s than men from traditional families -- and
they're more dead-set against ever marrying, a national survey reports
today.

Those from non-traditional families also mistrust women more than other men
do, says the survey of 1,010 heterosexual men ages 25 to 34. It was
commissioned by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers, The State
University of New Jersey, and done by Opinion Research Corp. of Princeton.

''Divorce usually means bitterness from one side or another, or both,'' says
David Popenoe, co-director of the National Marriage Project. ''These men may
be more fearful of marriage because of what they've seen.''

There's less pressure nowadays to marry, and adults raised by divorced
parents have more ''live together'' relationships than do those from
traditional homes, Popenoe says. In the survey:

* Among married men, 63% grew up in two-parent homes vs. 37% in
non-traditional families.

* 54% from traditional homes say they'd ''be ready to marry tomorrow if the
right person came along'' vs. 43% of men from single-parent or step-parent
families.

* 22% of singles are ''not the marrying kind.'' These are more likely to be
from non-traditional families (59%) vs. 41% from homes with two biological
parents.

Men from religious homes and those who say their dads were more involved in
their upbringing are more ready to marry than are men raised in secular
families or without much father time.

''Example is not just the best teacher, it's the only teacher, and a lot of
these guys learned attitudes about marriage and women from their fathers,''
says Diane Sollee, director of SmartMarriages.com, an information
clearinghouse on marriage education and improvement. ''Many saw fathers
estranged from their mothers, or fathers who weren't there, maybe in their
third marriage or their 14th girlfriend.''

These boys may grow up to fear commitment or not respect women, she adds.
But marriage education classes can teach relationship skills ''and help them
rebuild confidence that they can have a happy marriage.''

The survey findings don't surprise psychologist Judith Wallerstein, whose
25-year study of children post-divorce has followed them into their early
40s. The men in her study often have live-in relationships but fear
marriage.

''What they fear is being betrayed. The notion that relationships could last
is hard for them to believe. . . . They just don't have a vision of how you
can work things out,'' she says.

But the idea that most kids whose parents divorced will have trouble making
healthy marriages is challenged by psychologist Stephanie Coontz, research
director at the Council on Contemporary Families, which supports varied
types of healthy families.

''This is way too broad-stroke. It ignores the tremendous variation in
non-traditional families. . . . Just because there's a higher percentage not
getting married doesn't mean most kids from these families end up
troubled,'' Coontz says.

In step-parent studies, boys and girls who grow up with strong, mentally
healthy parents look more similar to children from intact homes, says
psychologist James Bray of Baylor College of Medicine in Houston.

''Of course, if you grow up with your father not around, or in angry
disputes with your mother, you may have doubts about marriage and being a
good father yourself,'' Bray says. ''But there are a lot of healthy
situations in stepfamilies, and these kids aren't afraid of commitments.''

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- THE MARRYING KIND PRESS RELEASE

June 23, 2004 
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE (Draft)

The full report is available on the National Marriage Project Web site,
<http://marriage.rutgers.edu/publicat.htm>.

TO THE POINT:  Rutgers survey finds men from "traditional" households
more likely to marry

    NEW BRUNSWICK/PISCATAWAY, N.J. ­ Men raised in "traditional" family
households are more likely to marry than those from nontraditional
households, according to a nationwide survey by the National Marriage
Project at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey.

    Men from families with both biological parents present and who are
religiously observant are more likely to marry than those from
nontraditional and nonreligious backgrounds, according to "The Marrying
Kind: Which Men Marry and Why." The study is featured in "The State of Our
Unions: The Social Health of Marriage in America 2004," a report released
today and issued annually by the National Marriage Project. Opinion Research
Corp. of Princeton interviewed 1,000 single and married heterosexual males,
ages 25-34, for the study.

    Among the unmarried men surveyed, 55 percent from traditional households
said they "would be ready to marry tomorrow if the right person came along,"
compared to 43 percent from other kinds of family backgrounds. Unmarried men
who attend religious services several times a month, and those who say their
fathers were very involved in their upbringing are more "ready" to wed than
men who are not religious and whose fathers were not involved in their
lives.

The survey also found that married and unmarried men from traditional family
and religious backgrounds have more positive attitudes toward women,
children and marriage.

    "The findings suggest that the experience of growing up with both
parents is an important factor influencing young men¹s desires for, and
confidence in, marriage," said David Popenoe, a Rutgers sociology professor
and co-director of the National Marriage Project.

    The survey also identified a small but significant percentage of
unmarried men who might be considered poor candidates for marriage.  Two of
10 unmarried male respondents reported a low personal desire for marriage
and displayed negative attitudes toward women, children and the institution
of marriage itself.

These marriage-phobic men were more likely than other unmarried men in the
survey sample to have come from nontraditional families, to be nonreligious,
and to have fathers who were not involved in their lives, according to the
survey.

"Young women often find the search for a marriage partner daunting and
confusing, since not everyone in the partner market is interested in
marriage," says Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, the project¹s co-director. "These
findings may help marriage-minded women identify the men who are most likely
to be the marrying kind."

Other key findings in the survey about men¹s attitudes toward marriage
include: 


 94 percent of married men say that they are happier being married than
being single.

 73 percent of married men say their sex lives are better since getting
married, and 68 percent say marriage has helped them become more financially
stable.

 Only 36 percent of unmarried men agree "single men have better sex lives
than married men."

 Two-thirds of all young men surveyed disagree with the statement that "the
main purpose of marriage is to have children."

The National Marriage Project is a nonpartisan, nonsectarian,
interdisciplinary initiative that provides information on social trends
affecting marriage. Researchers analyzed a wide range of data for the
report. Previous reports include, "Why Men Won¹t Commit: Exploring Young
Men¹s Attitudes About Sex, Dating and Marriage" and "Who Wants to Marry a
Soul Mate?"

To arrange interviews with
co-directors David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, contact Miguel
Tersy, Office of Media Relations, (732) 932-7084, extension 616, or Theresa
Kirby of the National Marriage Project at (732) 445-7922.

Or, attend their session at Smart Marriages Dallas where they will go into
depth about the report and what it means for Marriage Educators and the
Marriage Movement - and families.  - diane
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