Dallas/Doherty/Heart-based/Bypass Divorce -7/04

[Smart Marriages ®]

subject: Dallas/Doherty/Heart-based/Bypass Divorce -7/04


- SEE YOU IN DALLAS
- DOHERTY ON NPR
- BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR STRAIN IN EACH OTHER.....
- GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY HAS ITS RISKS, INCLUDING DIVORCE

####################
- SEE YOU IN DALLAS

To reach us in Dallas, call 1-214-922-8000 a the Adams Mark Hotel and ask
for the Smart Marriages Registration Desk. Or, you may be able to dial
direct 1-214-303-4069. For additional info, see the web site,
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For questions about your conference badge or registration or to add
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Please note that the word "Full" on your badge means you registered for the
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There is still plenty of room in the hotel and in conference sessions.
Register on-site. - see you soon, diane

#######################
- DOHERTY ON NPR

> Bill Doherty did a great job of presenting marriage education in general, and
> his new program in particular.
>
> You can listen to the audio at
> http://news.minnesota.publicradio.org/programs/midmorning/
>
> Look for the Friday, July 2 program -- first hour.
>
> Take care,
> Peter Hoh
>
> Following text is from the Minnesota Public Radio website:
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> FRIDAY, JULY 2, 2004
> HOUR 1: (9 a.m.) Fragile families
> Listen
> A new program partly funded by Minnesota marriage license surcharges would
> encourage parents of babies born in Minneapolis or St. Paul to pursue
> marriage, or at least a more permanent relationship.
>
> Guests: William Doherty, director of the new program. He heads the University
> of Minnesota Department of Social Science's Marriage and Family Therapy
> program. Sara McLanahan, professor of sociology and public affairs at
> Princeton University and one of the researchers on the ongoing Fragile
> Families and Child Wellbeing Study.
>
#########################
- BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR STRAIN IN EACH OTHER.....

> Be on the lookout for strain in each other, and with compassion and
> understanding, lend a helping hand and a mature heart. Helping each other
> manage emotional strain can yield creative alternatives and build a new
> foundation for heart-based communication and hope.
> -- Doc Childre

##########################
- GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY HAS ITS RISKS, INCLUDING DIVORCE

Who knew? This makes me think of John Gray's keynote a week from today in
Dallas, the whole mind/body/relationship connection. - diane


Gastric bypass surgery has its risks, including divorce
Seattle Post-Intelligence
July 3, 2004
By SUE VORENBERG
SCRIPPS HOWARD NEWS SERVICE

Yvonne Lovato admits she was skeptical when doctors told her that a common
complication of gastric bypass surgery was divorce.

Two years after her surgery, she knows better. Divorce was one of the many
complications the surgery held for the 34-year-old telecommunications
worker. She has been in and out of the hospital so much since her October
2002 procedure that she says she's afraid she might lose her job.

"Along with gall bladder surgery and hair loss, divorce really is a thing
that can happen after this surgery," said Lovato, who lives in Albuquerque,
N.M. "The doctors told me what happens is the husband gets afraid -- they're
married to this large person, and suddenly they don't know what they're
going to be like anymore."

Across the nation, as rates of gastric bypass surgery increase, knowledge of
its side effects and wariness about them is growing. In the 1990s, U.S.
doctors performed about 16,000 of the surgeries a year, compared with about
103,000 in 2003, according to the March 11 New England Journal of Medicine.

Most doctors admit the medical side effects can be hard to deal with, but
when weighed against the consequences of staying obese, they become much
more reasonable, said Bob Ferraro, medical director for Southwest
Endocrinology's Weight Management Diabetes Program in Albuquerque, N.M.

"When somebody doesn't intervene and is severely overweight, there's a whole
list of conditions that start to happen or get worse," Ferraro said. "The
most common by far is diabetes. People also get hypertension, high
cholesterol, coronary artery disease, joint disease and arthritis."

The risks for some cancers and heart attacks also go up dramatically, he
said.

Lovato decided to get the surgery in 2002 because, at 5-foot-4 inches and
292 pounds, she couldn't ride the Dumbo ride at Disneyland with her
4-year-old daughter. She realized her weight wasn't just embarrassing, but
might prevent her from seeing her daughter grow up.

Lovato was careful, did her homework and decided to go to an experienced
hospital in Lubbock, Texas. Two years later and 150 pounds lighter, she says
the procedure has had its desired effect.

But the costs were much higher than she ever thought.

"I've been in and out of the hospital for dehydration, my gall bladder went
bad, I had folic acid and B12 vitamin deficiencies," she said. "After going
back to work, I found out I had hernias, and they were in a place that I had
to have immediate surgery. I've had hair loss and a lot of pain.

"And during all this, my husband left me for my best friend."

Losing a spouse over the surgery might sound strange, but the weight loss
can change the dynamics in a relationship. Obesity often makes people
self-conscious and lowers self-esteem. As that changes, the social dynamics
around the obese person also change, said Joel Yager, a psychology professor
at the University of New Mexico who specializes in eating disorders.

"People who are very obese have told me they're embarrassed to take a plane
or go out in public," Yager said. "Some can't fit into a car and can't get
behind the steering wheel. That lifestyle can be very stifling."

The consequences of obesity -- and the depression and social isolation it
causes -- make the risk of the surgery far more acceptable for some people
who have unsuccessfully tried diets and exercise, Ferraro said.

"The surgery really is a last resort and fraught with risks -- but
individuals and care providers need to weigh it against the risks of disease
without it, and the person's quality of life," Ferraro said.

Some patients -- about 2 percent -- die. That aspect scares off many
patients, and it also scares off doctors.

Even after all her troubles and all the risks involved, Lovato says she
would do the procedure again.

"Do I regret it?" she said. "That's one of the hardest questions I've ever
had to answer. If it didn't happen, I would have never gotten divorced. But
in a lot of ways, I'm getting better and, in time, I'm going to be
healthier. Sometimes I wish I had done things differently, but it's probably
for the best."

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