Movies/Marriage Resource Cntrs/Interns/Sotile/Real - 2/04

[Smart Marriages ®]

subject: Movies/Marriage Resource Cntrs/Interns/Sotile/Real - 2/04

from: Smart Marriages®

- MOVIES
- CALL FOR STUDENT INTERNS AND VOLUNTEERS
- MARRIAGE RESOURCE CENTERS ON THE INTERNET:
- PAIRS TRAINING IN DC AREA
- DR SOTILE CONTACT
- HE WON'T EXPRESS HIS FEELINGS?
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- MOVIES

I want to thank the readers that nominated the movie "In America" for a
Smart Marriages Impact Award.   I hope some more of you will go see it and
weigh in. It does feature a strong marriage - they face plenty of hardships
and challenges.  I don't want to say too much - give away the plot - as I'm
hoping others will see it. I agree that it's great - so far my favorite of
the year.  (Well, almost.  My favorite is the documentary, Stone Reader,
that's available on DVD and that I highly recommend to anyone that is
fascinated by books. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with marriage but the
"added info" on disc 2 is like attending a publishing workshop. I was
fascinated.)  But, back to the Marriage Movie Award.  Some others nominated
Cheaper by the Dozen.  I haven't seen that yet.  Any others?

Send your nominations for movies, TV shows or TV commercials. Several of you
have nominated "Everybody Loves Raymond".  What do others think?  I keep
meaning to watch it, think I've only seen it once years ago.  I finally saw
the tv commercial for Progresso Soup - the "empty nest" one, and I agree
it's a winner.   - diane

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- CALL FOR STUDENT INTERNS AND VOLUNTEERS

The National Healthy Marriage Institute in partnership with the Orange
County Marriage Resource Center is recruiting long distance student interns
and volunteers to help create Community Marriage Resource Center websites
for counties across the United States.

Minimum requirements include:
Being available for a minimum of 10 hours a week (actual schedule is
flexible).
Internet access
Basic internet searching skills
Basic word processing skills
Strong desire to help individuals and couples access the marriage
strengthening resources in their communities.

No travel is required

If you know of students who are interested in a long distance internship
starting immediately or beginning this summer please inform them of this
opportunity. 

You do not need to be a student to volunteer.

For more information please visit our website at
http://www.healthymarriageinstitute.org or email us at
mrc at healthymarriageinstitute.org

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- MARRIAGE RESOURCE CENTERS ON THE INTERNET:

To refresh your memory about the web-based Community Marriage Resource
Centers, visit http://www.smartmarriages.com/stoica.oc.html  for an easy to
follow, step-by-step tutorial. All free.

These easy-to-build, inexpensive web-based resource centers serve as a
clearinghouse for all the marriage strengthening programs in a community.
What's exciting is that the web clearinghouse, by its existence, serves as a
catalyst for the growth of additional community marriage initiatives and for
the development of ever more programs.....the web resource by listing
programs seems to inspire the growth of new programs.  Or, at least brings
them out of the woodwork.

To see a list of the existing Resource Centers across the country visit
smartmarriages.com and click Community Initiatives and then Resource
Centers.  

List your free by sending it to me.  - diane

##########################
- PAIRS TRAINING IN DC AREA
PAIRS Level One Professional Training, March 18 - 21, certifies you  to
teach several popular PAIRS short program -- the one day PAIRS JUMPSTART!,
and If You Really Loved Me, the weekend workshop Passage To Intimacy and the
three Faith Based PrePAIRS for Marriage programs.  Taught by PAIRS Master
Teacher, Ellen Purcell.  $695/per person - $995/Couple. For info or to
register: ePAIRS at aol.com or 888-PAIRS-4-U
 
Or, take this same training at the Dallas Smart Marriages conference, July 6
- 8, plus the 1-day Christian PAIRS and Military PAIRS add-on training on
July 12.  

> 102 Three Days - Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday, July 6, 7, 8
> PAIRS (Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills)
> Lori Gordon, PhD, Rita DeMaria, PhD, Don Azevedo, PhD
> Leave ready to teach PAIRS' brief programs: the One-day Jumpstart & If You
> Really Loved Me, the Two-day Passage to Intimacy. Covers communication,
> emotional literacy, hidden expectations, conflict resolution and confiding
> exercises. (Take 102 and 912 to also certify to teach Christian PAIRS and
> Military PAIRS.) 
 
#######################
- DR SOTILE CONTACT
 
> Diane -I read with interest the notice re Dr.Wayne Sotile and his
> latest book "Thriving with Heart Disease ". I am a recent graduate of the
> Masters program in Community Counseling at the Univer of Wisc/Whitewater
> and have heart disease since 1990 -- which led to two heart attacks and
> eventually a heart transplant in Nov/2002 --  With Dr. Jon Carlson's help and
> mentoring I completed 7 marathons subsequent to my initial
> heart atteck in 1990.  I hope to do another with my new heart. I am preparing
> to provide counseling services to heart patients here in Lake Geneva
> under the supervision of Dr Carlson at his Wellness Clinic. I would very
> much like to contact Dr Sotile and learn more about his work. Do you have
> tel or e-mail address? Thank you --Hank Sibbing JD, MSC at
> hsibbing at genevaonline .com - tel( 262 ) 248- 6624--address

I had several requests for info on how to contact Dr Sotile but, yours,
Hank, was by far the most interesting! Dr Sotile is a GREAT speaker for any
of you who are organizing marriage strengthening events and his heart
disease and Super Couple syndrome (hurry sickness) are both wonderful topics
for drawing a crowd. The Sotiles (he often presents with his wife Mary
Sotile) are fascinating as they link chronic illness and marriage.  For your
particular area of interest, you should know that Wayne Sotile was Director
of Psychological Services for the Wake Forest University Cardiac
Rehabilitation Program.

Sorry to have left off Dr Sotile's contact info first time around.
Dr Sotile in NC at: 336-765-3032
www.Sotile.com 
wsotile at attglobal.net
  
#########################
- HE WON'T EXPRESS HIS FEELINGS?

> Diane, 
> I think you said that Terry Real (quoted in this article) is speaking at the
> Dallas conference.  Maybe you should invite Michael Gurian and the two of them
> could have a debate.  It would be interesting.  And, John Gray could weigh in,
> too - as I'm sure would many others.   - Mark

Yes, Terry Real and John Gray are both presenting in Dallas - both on
Saturday, July 10.  It's too late to invite any additional speakers though
appreciate the suggestion. Maybe next year.  - diane

> 
> He Won't Express His Feelings?
> Third Age Newsletter/January, 2003
> By Timothy Gower 
> 
> Last summer, my golf game deteriorated from sloppy to just plain inept. One
> afternoon, after making yet another dreadful shot, I grabbed my eight iron by
> both ends and bent it in frustration. Snap!
> 
> It took weeks for me to mention the incident to my wife. Not only did I feel
> like a jerk for destroying the golf club, but the extreme act brought up old,
> depressing doubts I've always had about my athletic ability. And I didn't feel
> like talking about it.
> 
> But isn't today's sensitive man supposed to express his feelings? And wasn't
> breaking a golf club a sign that I need my head examined? Or could it be that
> there's something unique about the male brain that made me act this way?
> 
> Yes, to that last question, says family therapist Michael Gurian, who believes
> it was perfectly natural for me to keep my thoughts to myself. What's more, he
> says, busting my golf club because I was angry wasn't evidence that I had lost
> my marbles. Rather, Gurian says, it was a "very healthy response."
> 
> Gurian is the author of "What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man's Mind Really
> Works" (St. Martin's Press, 2003). Best known for several earlier books,
> including "The Wonder of Boys" and "The Wonder of Girls" -- in which he
> explored how biological differences between the male and female brains
> influence childhood behavior -- Gurian has turned his attention to grown-ups,
> saying that understanding the inner workings of the male mind can help couples
> live in harmony. 
> 
> Gurian explained that when men become angry, an "explosion of energy" occurs
> in the limbic system, the portion of the brain that creates rage, fear and
> aggression. He notes that males have large volumes of spinal fluid in the
> brain stem, which is the link between cerebral tissue and the spinal cord.
> "That makes us use our physical bodies to process emotion," says Gurian,
> because spinal fluid channels energy to the limbs.
> 
> "You had a neural surge," he says of my golf-club incident. "You had to do
> something with it. So you took an inanimate object and you broke it. And you
> felt a lot better."
> 
> I'll bet most men know just what Gurian is talking about. Have you ever found
> a problem so maddening that you kicked the wall or pounded your fists? Doesn't
> a vigorous workout feel great after a frustrating day at the office?
> 
> Women have less spinal fluid in the brain stem than men, says Gurian, but they
> possess bigger, better-developed bundles of nerves that connect brain regions
> that create emotions to other areas that produce speech. That's why, he says,
> women are more comfortable than men talking about their feelings. In fact,
> Gurian's book describes 10 ways in which men and women differ between the ears
> -- including the size of certain brain structures and levels of critical
> hormones -- that explain why men often clam up when they're angry, but women
> often can't stop talking.
> 
> Which is why women who try to get an enraged or stressed-out man to say what's
> bugging him may be wasting their breath, Gurian says. "It's not possible for
> the majority of men, neurochemically, to open up about their feelings the way
> a lot of women think they should," he says. Gurian believes that
> psychotherapists -- marriage therapists, in particular -- have long ignored
> the role of brain biology, operating with the mistaken belief that getting men
> to express their innermost angst will save relationships.
> 
> "That's just not the case," Gurian says. "Marriage does not depend on men
> talking about their feelings as much as women want them to."
> 
> He believes that most women feel liberated once they embrace the idea that
> their husbands or boyfriends don't -- or can't -- think the way they do,
> because it frees them to seek emotional nurturing from others.
> 
> Gurian, who does not conduct neurological research, bases most of his
> assertions about sex and the brain on studies by other scientists. But some
> researchers say many of his claims are speculative, and that his conclusions
> go beyond what is supported by the science.
> 
> Scientific studies that show that male and female brains differ in shape and
> structure are "as solid as they come," says University of Massachusetts
> psychologist Geert De Vries, who studies the neurochemical basis of
> differences in male and female behavior. "But we have no good case where we
> have found a difference between male and female brains where we know what the
> difference means. We don't know too well what just about any group of neurons
> in the brain are doing."
> 
> Nor do Gurian's theories set well with psychotherapist Terrence Real, author
> of "How Can I Get Through to You: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and
> Women" (Scribner, 2003).
> 
> "I see this as a conservative response to women's demands that men become more
> articulate about their emotional life," Real says. "This is saying, 'You know
> what, girls? Men really are emotional troglodytes. Let them off the hook.'"
> 
> For his part, Gurian says he's not as "timid" about interpreting data as
> scientists such as De Vries, and he rejects Real's suggestion that he's an
> apologist for men who behave badly. In other words, don't pick up Gurian's
> book in hopes of finding the neurological basis for your inability to vacuum
> the living room or wash the dishes. "Brain science," he says, "does not
> condone laziness -- it suggests reasonable expectations."
> 
> Timothy Gower has written for such publications as Health, The New York Times,
> Fortune, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader's Digest, Esquire, Cooking Light,
> Men's Health and Men's Fitness. The author of four books, including (with
> Robert DiPaola, M.D.) "A Doctor's Guide to Herbs and Supplements" (Holt,
> 2001), he lives in Harwich, Mass.
> 
> (c) 2003, Timothy Gower. Distributed by Tribune Media Services International.
> 
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> 

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