It must be Marriage Week USA - 2/04

[Smart Marriages ®]

subject: It must be Marriage Week USA - 2/04

from: Smart Marriages®

- HOW CAN I FORGIVE YOU?
- FREE PREP "ROMANCE AT THE RENAISSANCE" OFFERED TO OKLAHOMA COUPLES
- SEMINAR AIMS TO HELP COUPLES STRENGTHEN THEIR CONNECTIONS
- THE NORTHWEST MARRIAGE & FAMILY MOVEMENT HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN!!
- "OUR MARRIAGE MATTERS" PLEDGE\
- MARRIAGE MESSAGE SUNDAY
- "MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE MATTER: MARRIAGE & MUSIC EXPERIECNE" with Drs. Les &

It must be Marriage Week - Tulsa, DC, the great Northwest - marriage events
all over the place.  To find additional Marriage Week USA events go to the
archive and search for Marriage Week USA - you'll find info on Virginia,
Utah, PA, etc.  - diane

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- HOW CAN I FORGIVE YOU?

Reminder: Smart Marriages conference presenter, Janis Spring, will be at the
Smithsonian in Washington, DC on Feb Wed 11 and the 92nd Street Y on Thurs
Feb 12 on the topic of her new book: HOW CAN I FORGIVE YOU? THE COURAGE TO
FORGIVE, THE FREEDOM NOT TO

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- FREE PREP "ROMANCE AT THE RENAISSANCE" OFFERED TO OKLAHOMA COUPLES

(Tulsa couples get a free workshop taught by Markman, Stanley and Jenkins!
If you know anyone that lives in Tulsa, give them a heads up. - diane)

TULSA‹  

Oklahoma couples, whether married or thinking about getting married, are
invited to a fun, romantic and educational weekend workshop.  The
co-founders of the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP)
will present this workshop Fri evening, Feb 20, 6 - 9:30pm, and all day Sat,
Feb. 21, from 9am to 4pm, at the Renaissance Hotel in Tulsa.
Internationally recognized marriage experts, Drs Howard Markman and Scott
Stanley, along with author Natalie Jenkins, will be presenting this workshop
free of charge to Oklahoma couples in partnership with the Oklahoma Marriage
Initiative.

    "The workshop will teach Oklahomans about the basic ingredients for a
happy marriage: friendship, commitment and the ability to talk without
fighting.  Couples are invited to come to learn skills and principles that
can help them sustain and deepen a loving and happy marriage," said Scott
Stanley, PhD, Co-Director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at
the University of Denver and co-founder of the PREP curriculum.  "Falling
in love is easy; staying in love can be hard.  But armed with the best tools
and plans, a couple can learn to preserve and protect their love and
commitment.  That is what we want to help Oklahoma couples do."

    Workshop participants will learn how to:  be better friends, communicate
more effectively about the things that matter most, how to keep fun alive,
and how to act on their commitment in the most important ways.

    In July 2002, Oklahoma State University¹s Bureau for Social Research
released a survey report on its statewide survey on marriage and divorce.

    "Most married or romantically involved Oklahomans (66 percent), say that
they would consider participating in this kind of workshop to strengthen
their relationship," said Christine Johnson, PhD, and Director of OSU¹s
Bureau for Social Research.  "Additionally, our statewide of Oklahomans
revealed that the primary reasons why people divorce are lack of commitment
(86 percent) and too much arguing and fighting (61 percent), two key themes
that are addressed by this workshop."

    Because of PREP¹s strong research base, the media has taken great
interest in the program.  PREP has been featured on 20/20, 48 Hours, Oprah,
CNN, Good Morning America and others.  Print media has included coverage in
such publications as The New York Times, USA Today, Men¹s Health and many
more.  The presenters and their colleagues have authored ten books on
marriage.

    There is no charge to attend the workshop; however, space is limited.
Register on-line at www.okmarriage.org or call 1-877-435-8033 now to sign
up.

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- SEMINAR AIMS TO HELP COUPLES STRENGTHEN THEIR CONNECTIONS

The Oregonian 
February 5, 2004 
JILL SMITH   

Seminar aims to help couples strengthen their connections

Plenty of couples come into Kate Meredith's counseling office at Beaverton
Christian Church and say, "This is our last-ditch effort. We're going to get
a divorce if this doesn't work."

The average couple will wait seven years after the first sign of trouble
before they go to a counselor, Meredith said. "By then, they're already set
into patterns. They're already doing a lot of negative things to each
other."

This Valentine's Day, couples will have a chance to break that pattern under
the guise of a date at a "Soul Mates Seminar" by Les and Leslie Parrott,
co-directors of Seattle Pacific University's Center for Relationship
Development.

The Parrotts, who have been married 20 years, have written numerous books
and appeared on television programs from "The Oprah Winfrey Show" to
"Nightly News with Tom Brokaw." The seminar runs from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. and
includes lunch.

Meredith, who arranged the seminar, likes the Parrotts' emphasis not only on
the emotional and sexual aspects of a relationship but also on the spiritual
side as well, such as the importance of couples working together on a
project or cause.

"We know of nothing else that can cultivate intimacy more than reaching out
to the world as a team," the Parrotts write in "Becoming Soul Mates."

Although the book is Christian-based, the seminar is not heavy with
religious references and relies more on research, Les Parrott said.

An extensive Yale University study, for example, found three essential
ingredients to romantic love, Parrott said: passion (the physiological
side), intimacy (the emotional side) and commitment (the willful side).

The seminar will include an exercise so couples can rate themselves in each
of those categories.

He cautions that the strength of each category changes over the course of a
couple's relationship. Perhaps they have all three of those ingredients, a
10 out of 10, in the honeymoon phase. But three years later, with a new baby
in the house, passion may have dropped to a 2 or 3.

"The love they have today is not going to be the love they have tomorrow,"
he said.

Sometimes people are surprised by their low scores. Most couples, for
example, tell Parrott they are committed to each other. But Parrott asks
them to "Get out your datebook. Show me the evidence there's a commitment."
Commitment tends to change over time, he said. "There's an ebb and flow to
it in every marriage."

The seminar will offer couples concrete ideas for strengthening all three
categories, such as learning how to fight a good fight.

"Conflict is the price we pay for a deeper level of intimacy," Parrott said.
He and his wife use examples of conflicts from their own relationship,
sometimes "fresh ones we had the day before."

Participants range from newlyweds to people who have been married for
decades, Parrott said.

After the seminar, Meredith will begin offering an eight-week "Marriage
Checkup" course Tuesday evenings at Beaverton Christian Church. She doesn't
want couples to be inspired by the seminar and then get too busy to follow
through on their new ideas.

Meredith thinks that nowadays, there is much less of a stigma connected to
going to a counselor.

"It's seen as a strength," she said. "Just like medically, we wouldn't wait
until something serious happens. We go have checkups."

Meredith, who has been married for 26 years, still needs to work on her
marriage. Often it's little things that trigger an argument with her
husband, Mike Meredith. But she finds that humor and openness can help.

When she and Mike talk to their son in Canada, for example, they use two
portable phones. "My husband can't sit still while he's on the phone," she
said. "He walks around, he'll get into the cupboard, he'll start eating
something, do the dishes, run water."

Meredith gets annoyed but tries to hide it from her son during the phone
conversation by silently batting at Mike or mouthing to him, "Stop!"

On one recent call, she decided to disclose the issue to her son. Bringing
it out in the open helped ease the tension.

"We laughed about it," Meredith said. "It just seemed like it created a
different energy."

And her son was incredulous: "Mom, you're yelling at Dad for doing the
dishes!"

Jill Smith: 503-294-5908; jillsmith at news.oregonian.com

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- THE NORTHWEST MARRIAGE & FAMILY MOVEMENT HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN!!
Special activities planned.
 
And it couldn't come at a better time.  Our nation is engaged in a
fundamental discussion on marriage.  The President is promoting the need for
a community healthy marriage initiative.  The Pope has spoken strongly on
the importance of marriage.  Cohabitation rates are skyrocketing..
Out-of-wedlock births are at an unprecedented level.  The marriage rate is
dismally low. The US has the world's highest divorce rate.  The culture is
desperate for a positive marriage message and a deeper understanding of
marriage's value to society!
 
The Northwest Marriage & Family Movement is Families Northwest's 10-year
Cultural Campaign to make the Northwest the world's best place for marriage,
family life and children.  Fusing a regional marriage promotion campaign
with intensive community partnership building, we are actively working to
increase the rate of marriage success, enhance the health of marriages and
families, and turn the tide on family breakdown.
<http://www.familiesnorthwest.org/dynpage.cfm?DPID=319>
www.familiesnorthwest.org/dynpage.cfm?DPID=319
 
Reviewed by nationally-respected leaders from the marriage movement in 2001,
approved by Families Northwest's board of directors in Fall 2002, and
prepared for launching in 2003 - The Northwest Marriage & Family Movement is
underway!  To view a Power Point slide show of The Northwest Marriage &
Family Movement, click
www.familiesnorthwest.org/powerpoint/NWMFMslideshow(2004).ppt
<http://www.familiesnorthwest.org/powerpoint/NWMFMslideshow(2004).ppt>
 
It seems appropriate that the campaign publicly begins with Northwest
Marriage Week 2004 (February 7-14).  Northwest Marriage Week encourages
people to honor the institution of marriage, enrich their own marriage, and
celebrate the marriage of others.  Couples, churches, and communities
throughout Washington, Oregon and Idaho have committed to celebrate the
importance of marriage in a number of ways.
<http://www.familiesnorthwest.org/dynpage.cfm?DPID=554>
www.familiesnorthwest.org/dynpage.cfm?DPID=554
 
SEVERAL SPECIAL ACTIVITIES are planned for this special week:
 
"OUR MARRIAGE MATTERS" PLEDGE:  is an initiative to identify 135,000 couples
(10% of all marriages in the state) who believe their marriage is important
to them.  The stats say most people value their marriage, but to put names
and faces on real-life married couples who value marriage and their own
marriage is a strong message to the current and next generation of marriage.
We are not looking for perfect marriages, but rather, highly prioritized
marriage relationships. www.familiesnorthwest.org/marriagematters_f.cfm
<http://www.familiesnorthwest.org/marriagematters_f.cfm>
 
MARRIAGE MESSAGE SUNDAY: (February 8th & February 15th) the Sundays before
and after Valentine's Day many houses of worship are dedicating their
message to speak on the topic of marriage.  Churches participating in
Marriage Message Sunday are featured and linked on our web site.
<http://www.familiesnorthwest.org/dynpage.cfm?DPID=587>
www.familiesnorthwest.org/dynpage.cfm?DPID=587
 
"MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE MATTER: MARRIAGE & MUSIC EXPERIECNE" with Drs. Les &
Leslie Parrott are special date night events for couples from the region to
experience an evening of inspiration and entertainment.  Featuring
nationally renowned marriage experts, Families Northwest's Relationship
Specialists Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott and special musical guests - the
Everett (Feb 9) and Kirkland (Feb 10) events are open to all.   Over 1,000
people are expected to attend!
<http://www.familiesnorthwest.org/dynpage.cfm?DPID=566>
www.familiesnorthwest.org/dynpage.cfm?DPID=566
 
A COMMUNITY-WIDE MARRIAGE CELEBRATION IN LINCOLN COUNTY, WA (February 12th)
Lincoln County, with an approximate population of 10,000 residents, made
headline news in major media outlets throughout the nation last year due to
its mail-in divorce system, earning the county the title of "Divorce
Capitol" of Washington State.   Leaders in the community have invited
Families Northwest in to participate in a marriage celebration event.
 
Families Northwest is currently working with a number of communities through
our Community Transformation Plans.  To find out where, go to
<http://www.familiesnorthwest.org/marriage_recent.cfm>
www.familiesnorthwest.org/marriage_recent.cfm.
 
On behalf of Executive Director, Jeff Kemp and Families Northwest's board
and staff, we strongly encourage you to join us in the Northwest Marriage &
Family Movement.  From a number of different fronts, 2004 is looking like
the Year of Marriage.  Don't find yourself on the sidelines watching things
happen, be a part of making them happen.   You are needed to turn the tide
on family breakdown!
  
Advancing marriage for the next generation,
Jason Krafsky
community strategies director @ families northwest
jasonk at familiesnorthwest.org
www.familiesnorthwest.org
 

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