Michigan/Pittman/Listening/Asthma/Stress/Richmond - 12/04

Wed Dec 1 12:08:52 EST 2004

- TAH DAH: MICHIGAN VOTERS SUPPORT MORE STRICT MARRIAGE/DIVORCE LAWS
- WHO IS FRANK PITTMAN?
- LISTENING LOUDER
- DIVORCE POISON 
- DIVORCE CAN WORSEN ASTHMA IN CHILDREN
- HEALTH BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE
- CELEBRATE MARRIAGE RICHMOND 2005, MARRIAGE WEEK FEB 7 - 14

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- TAH DAH: MICHIGAN VOTERS SUPPORT MORE STRICT MARRIAGE/DIVORCE LAWS
Channel 6 News - WLNS.com    (See, just ask them! - diane)

12/1/04 - A new study shows Michigan voters support changes in the rules for
couples getting married or divorced. A poll by Mitchell Research and
Communications found that 80% of those surveyed said pre-marital education
classes could help strengthen marriages and reduce the number of divorces.

61% of people said they would support efforts to provide a $50 tax credit to
make those classes more affordable, and 80% of those polled said that
divorcing couples with children should be required to attend a divorce
education program to learn about the impact of divorce on children. The poll
of 500 registered voters was conducted earlier this month.
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- WHO IS FRANK PITTMAN?

> Diane, Who is Frank Pittman? The quote in the section of the newsletter about
> 'shall we dance?' is what I am referring to . - Marcia

Frank Pittman, MD, is one of our leaders/heroes/sages, and, yes, I love that
quote, too: "For most people, a life lived alone, with passing strangers or
passing lovers, is incoherent and ultimately unbearable. Someone must be
there to know what we have done for those we love." I believe Frank makes
our Marriage Quotes page more than anyone - maybe we should put all his
quotes on mugs and sell them at the conference.  Among his books, are:
"Private Lies: Infidelity & the Betrayal of Intimacy"; "Man Enough: Fathers,
Sons & the Search for Masculinity"; and, "Grow Up! How Taking Responsibility
Can Make You a Happy Adult". I highly recommend all of them to you.  He is
recipient of the Smart Marriages Impact award, has presented many times at
Smart Marriages Conferences and one of our highest rated keynotes was his
2003 "What Are Men for, Anyway?" in which he says, ". . .  in the end, there
is nothing a man can do that a woman can¹t, except be a father" and he goes
on to talk about just how important fathers - and grandfathers and uncles -
are and how we need to keep them around (avoid divorce in which the majority
of kids lose contact with them.)  The keynote is available on video (order
at 800-241-7785).  Frank will present at the Dallas 2005 Smart Marriages
Conference. - diane

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LISTENING LOUDER

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt
unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they run?" he asked the
clerk.

"That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000."

"Let's see the $2.00 model," he said.

The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You just stick this
button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he
instructed.

How does it work?" the customer asked.

"For $2.00 – it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people
see it on you, they'll talk louder!"

As you know, most communication problems are not due to people
talking too softly. Unfortunately, we are not always good
listeners. Do you know that people will pay hundreds of dollars an
hour for no other reason than to have someone listen to them?

Psychologist Carl Rogers said, "A person's real need, a most terrible
need, is for someone to listen - not as a 'patient' but as a human
soul." To listen well is to respond to a great human yearning.

One small child put it like this: "I'll try to listen louder." What
might happen if you "listened louder" today?
----------------------
>From Steve Goodier's free newsletter - http://www.lifesupportsystem.com

I don't have to remind you how listening applies to marriage.  I always say
the MOST important marriage skill is listening in a way that your partner
can't possibly doubt you love them.  This also reminds me of another quote
from the Marriage Quotes page: "A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive
questions your wife asks for nothing." - Joey Adams

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- DIVORCE POISON 
Hi Diane, 
Could someone recommend a book, article, or video to help an angry divorced
mom understand the destructiveness of poisoning her kids with hatred of
their dad and his family? The paternal grandma has been bending over
backwards to connect and love these kids (ages 10 and 13) but they coldy,
rudely reject any contact. They often do the same with their father. I am
looking for something that could be sent or just some ideas for strategy for
helping the mom deal with her pain without further damaging her kids.
Lynn Walsh - walshome2000 at yahoo.com

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- DIVORCE CAN WORSEN ASTHMA IN CHILDREN
Medical News Today
01 Dec 2004

School nurses should be aware that parental strife and other stressful
events can precipitate asthma attacks in children, according to a new study.

Research published in Thorax found that children with asthma who experience
stressful life events such as separation, divorce, illness and death are at
increased risk of having an asthma attack immediately following the event
and again 5 to 7 weeks later. 'The risk of a new asthma attack, defined by
symptoms and peak flow, was increased nearly five-fold in the first 48 hours
following a severely negative life event. Furthermore, after a period of
stabilization, the risk again nearly doubled some 6 weeks later,' say the
authors.
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- HEALTH BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE
We'll take an in-depth look at MANY  medical-physical benefits of healthy
marriage at the 2005 Conference. For those of you interested in this (and we
ALL should be, it's our BEST argument for implementing marriage skills
programs in schools, workplace, HMOs, bases, communities) here is a terrific
article to clip and save on new research that confirms what we've all known
for so long, that stress does indeed speed aging.  And, there is no stressor
like divorce and family breakdown. To read the front-page report "Study Is
First to Confirm That Stress Speeds Aging" By Rob Stein
in the Nov 30 Washington Post, go to
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A20394-2004Nov29.html?sub=AR -
- diane 

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- CELEBRATE MARRIAGE RICHMOND 2005, MARRIAGE WEEK FEB 7 - 14

(SEND me your community MARRIAGE WEEK agendas and I'll post them on the
smartmarriages web site.  For ideas see:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/marriage.week.html)

RICHMOND MARRIAGE WEEK AGENDA:
A broad based community-wide event to celebrate and promote healthy
marriages in our communities; Sponsored by First Things First of Greater
Richmond
    *Feb 12 Community Valentine Banquet: Putting First Things First:
Speaker, Rev Lance Watson, humorous presentation on differences
between men and women PLUS Dinner and Dancing to popular Jazz Trio at
Richmond Marriott; 
    *Workshop for Mental Health Professionals:    TBA

SPECIAL AFRICAN AMERICAN INTEREST:
     *Feb 5 "How to PICK a Partner" for singles at Eternity Church; also
known as How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk or Jerkette
     *Feb 18-19   PAIRS Couples Workshop Feb 18/19 in Church Hill.
    *Public Awareness: lots of Activities including Newspaper, Radio & TV;
Re-signing community Marriage Policy with public event. Media Sponsor
COMCAST to air 30 Second PSA Spots.
    *Celebrate Marriage Week Proclamations from Governor & Mayor

CONGREGATIONS: Special Sermons, Enrichment opportunities, Renewal of Vows,
Sweethearts Banquets, Child Care.  Workshops speakers are
available; call to host an event at your congregation.
    *Jewish Family Services will host:: "Achieving Emotional Intimacy"
    *Feb 18-19    "Soul Healing Love" Conference with Beverly and Tom
Rodgers at Mechanicsville Christian Center
ALSO in FEB:    *Feb 5 PREP Marriage Skills Workshop at downtown YMCA:
Fighting For Your
Marriage  for Couples;
    *Feb 18-19 1st PAIRS Couples Workshop in Richmond at Holy Rosary
Catholic Church;
    *Financial Management for Couples Workshop (Location TBA)

Public & Private SCHOOLS: special events on healthy marriage and
relationships. We provide suggested materials for teens, parents and staff.

PLUS: 
- Honor longest marriages in communities and congregations.
- Smoothest Marriage Essay Contest and Prizes.

For info contact Bob Ruthazer, CFLE at  (804) 282-9763 x-17
www.FirstThingsRichmond.org
www.Celebrate-Marriage.org

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9th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Adam's Mark Dallas June 23 - 26, 2005
Pre and Post Conference Training Institutes June 21 - 29, 2005
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Diane Sollee, Director
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