Fresno!!/On-Line Mar Ed/Sports=Birth Control/porn/div ed - 8/04

[Smart Marriages ®]

subject: Fresno!!/On-Line Mar Ed/Sports=Birth Control/porn/div ed - 8/04


- FRESNO'S RAPID RESPONSE TEAM
- NEW ON-LINE MARRIAGE EDUCATION INSTITUTE
- PORN ADDICTION
- SPORTS EQUALS BIRTH CONTROL?
- REPLIES TO DIVORCE EDUCATION CRITIC

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- FRESNO'S RAPID RESPONSE TEAM

> Hi Diane,
> I went to my first Smart Marriage Conference (in Dallas) and came back to
> Fresno and started Marriage Mentoring Ministries (my wife and I). We had our
> kick-off dessert last night with 220 people present, including Michael
> Douglass who was in on the initial Modesto Community Marriage Policy. We had
> two TV stations cover us and both had excellent coverage. We have Mark Gungor
> coming April 1 and 2 and we do our first training of mentor couples in late
> September. Churches are very excited about this training and we are pretty
> jazzed as well. Thanks again for a great conference. I've listened to both
> marketing tapes and for anyone out there who wants to hear some great
> stuff--those two seminars are well worth getting and listening to. Please pray
> for Fresno and Central California! Thanks!
> Ron McLain
> Executive Director
> Marriage Mentoring Ministries
> ronmclain at juno.com

Wow!! I AM impressed. You move fast. Seems like that's they way things
happen in Calif. California folks seem to come to one conference - and
that's all it takes - they hit the road running - like Stoica, Evans and
now, you. Also, I'm very pleased to hear you have Mark Gungor scheduled.
He really wowed em in Dallas. Let us know how it goes. In fact, please send
progress reports on everything.

And, yes, I totally agree that the two marketing tapes are fantastic and
inspiring - as I said in an earlier post, they are FILLED with practical
ideas and also with great energy and are fun to listen to. #754-414 "Shake
that Marketing Brain" Saltzman and #754-701 "Marketing Chattanooga Style"
Baumgardner and Hickman.

"Shake that Marketing Brain" is available on audio tape or CD. "Marketing
Chattanooga Style" is available on video tape or DVD, or audio tape or CD.

Mark Gungor's "The Number One Key to Incredible Sex" tape, #754-807, is
available on audio tape or CD. And it can certainly be said that it, too, is
FILLED with USEFUL ideas, great energy and is LOTS of FUN to listen to.

Order at 800-241-7785. Audio formats are $15 and video formats are $25.
Remember that until Sept 10 there are no shipping/handling charges for order
of $35 or more.

#####################
- NEW ON-LINE MARRIAGE EDUCATION INSTITUTE

> Dear Diane,
> I am writing to officially announce the creation of a new, non-profit, online
> marriage education facility for couples and professionals, the Marriage
> Education Institute. And the wonderful news we received today is that we have
> been awarded a $50,000 Capacity-Building Grant from the Compassion Capital
> Fund's Institute for Youth Development.
>
> Ralph Jones and I founded the Marriage Education Institute as a non-profit
> organization on July 1 for the purpose of offering a full curriculum of
> interactive marriage education programs online. We will begin operations this
> Fall with the adaptation of World Class Marriage? for online learning, with
> the goal of having it up and running online by February 2005. We will then
> proceed to partner with and adapt other interested, high-quality programs for
> online learning, becoming eventually an emporium for a wide range of online
> marriage courses for couples and also for professionals, with CEUs available
> for psychologists, MFTs and other marriage educators.
>
> We are very excited about entering the Distance Learning field, as it offers
> the advantages of "Anytime, anywhere" learning, plus reduced delivery costs
> (no travel or babysitting costs for participants, no travel or hotel rental
> costs for us). Moreover, and most importantly, the learning results from the
> particular interactive model we will be using have been shown to be superior
> to traditional "live" workshops. And for those who prefer traditional
> workshops, we and our partners will continue to offer regular classroom
> courses. The Marriage Education Institute's function will be to augment in a
> significant way the availability of marriage curricula through the online
> format.
>
> We are delighted to receive the Institute for Youth Development grant to
> launch the Marriage Education Institute. We are excited about the
> Institute's promise and hope that by making marriage education more readily
> available to many, it will have a significant impact on marital success in
> this country and beyond.
>
> Patty Howell, Executive Director
> Marriage Education Institute
> Leucadia, CA
> 760-436-3960
> MarriageEd at aol.com

Be still my heart. This is getting to be too much good news all at once!
Congratulations. I can't wait to help promote this - keep me posted as soon
as you launch. And, I can't wait to see your booth at next year's Smart
Marriages conference! Wow, you'll have to get a double-wide! - diane

##################
- PORN ADDICTION
There was an excellent segment on 20/20 last night on porn addiction - its
rapid expansion and the devastation to marriages and relationships. Wish
I'd known to give you a heads up. Maybe it will repeat this week on
late-night cable? Please, if you see tv promos for shows like this, let me
know so I can alert the list. The Dallas workshop on Porn and Cybersex was
one of the top selling tapes at the conference with all the evaluations
saying that we needed more workshops in the future on these topics.

> Tape #754-711
> Cybersex: Porn and Online Affairs
> Penny Tupy, Peggy Vaughan
> Porn and online affairs can be extremely damaging to marriage. We need to be
> more informed about both and understand how to work with these issues.
> Includes addiction, gender differences.

- diane

######################
- SPORTS EQUALS BIRTH CONTROL?

This site, All Pro Dads, looks terrific. Their media store has a marriage
section that features many of our experts including Howard Markman, Scott
Stanley, Willard Harley, Gary Smalley and Les Parrot. And, here's a Play of
the Day from their free e-newslist that was submitted by our own Bill
Coffin:

> Bill Coffin's Play of the Day:
> Sports Center = Birth control?
> A friend of my wife's recently joked that Sports Center was the best
> method of birth control - it keeps her husband out of the bedroom and in
> the living room. She was exaggerating of course (at least I hope so),
> but it begs the question of how much TV we watch at the expense of
> hurting marital communication. Another wife of a friend told him she
> hated the month of October because he spent so much time with football
> and the baseball playoffs. The solution? I'd encourage you to budget
> your television time. Pick three shows or sporting events a week that
> you want to see and give the rest to her. There are no reruns in
> marriage.

Here is the info from their home page.
> ?Welcome to All Pro Dad!? As Head Coach of the All Pro Dad Team, I invite you
> to join us on the field of fathering.? So please take a time-out to experience
> this valuable resource designed to help you be the best dad you can be.? Join
> the team today and become an All Pro Dad!"
> -Tony Dungy, Head Coach, Indianapolis Colts
>
> x What is All Pro Dad?
>
> All Pro Dad is the ultimate resource for men who want to become better
> fathers.? This program offers practical fathering assistance--updated
> daily--available 24-hours a day, 365 days a year.
>
> The All Pro Dad website?s premier offering is a free daily e-mail service
> called Play of the Day.? This service?provides dads with hard-hitting
> information, advice and inspiration to make them better husbands and fathers.?
> Best of all, it's free!?
>
> All Pro Dad features NFL players and coaches who want to make you a better
> father!? Click Here to read their personal fatherhood biographies.
>
> In addition, All Pro Dad is impacting communities by bringing fathers and
> their kids together for All Pro Dads Day.?
>
> This website also offers fathers interactive quizzes and activities designed
> to further improve their relationship with their children. At AllProDad.com,
> fathers can also find books, audiotapes, brochures, free articles, online
> classes and surveys, support groups and many other resources on parenting.
>
> So how do you become an All Pro Dad???
>
Sign up for their free newslist at http://www.allprodad.com/aboutus.asp

- diane

####################

- REPLIES TO DIVORCE EDUCATION CRITIC
>
> Hi, Diane,
>
> I am a resident in Brevard County, Florida, where the divorce class was held
> that Larry Johnston attended and wrote the article about (he is a local judge
> here in the county). These divorce classes are a *mandatory* requirement for
> any couple with children who divorce in Florida. This is a good thing and not
> something concocted by those who stand to gain from the divorce industry. The
> hope is they will not only help the children of divorce but will also reduce
> redivorce - help couples who remarry make it work. The divorce classes are
> offered at the community college and only cost $5. The real problem is that
> although Florida passed a law to mandate DIVORCE education, MARRIAGE education
> isn't mandatory - you can get married without taking a marriage education
> class (although there is a $32.50 marriage liscense discount incentive if you
> take one). We need legislators to recognize the need to start early and
> require marriage education classes before the wedding.
> Thanks for listening,
> Melodie Tucker
> Merritt Island, Florida

Hi Diane,
I'd like to reply to Mr. Drazic's letter about divorce education classes
that you recently posted to the list. . . .

Mr. Drazic suggests that the primary focus of these programs is "avoiding
any discussion of responsibility for the marriage ending" and goes on to ask
"who are they protecting, the children or the walkaway spouse?" Related to
our program, and I think it is safe to generalize to most of the programs
offered in the US, he is correct in his first statement. The classes are not
designed to teach parents how to talk with their children about assessing
responsibility for who ended the marriage. The classes are designed to teach
parents how to effectively communicate with each other and protect their
children from adult conflict. Talking about who is responsible for ending
the marriage places children into a loyalty conflict that is not at all in
their best interests. To try to use children to make the other parent feel
guilty or admit responsibility for ending the marriage or for that matter,
come back to the marriige, simply weaponizes the children and opens them to
the possibility of even greater psychological harm. Children have very
little power in families and are at the mercy of their parents and the
decisions that they make. Our classes teach parents how to keep their
children out of the adult conflict, how to communicate with the other parent
and essentially set up a safety net under their children so that even if the
parents divorce, the children do not fall through the cracks.

As a marriage and family therapist and marriage educator, I spend a good
deal of my professional time helping couples have successful marriages. Some
might wonder how I can justify having one foot in the world of divorce
education and the other in marriage education. All I can say is that for me
it works. When a couple makes the decision to divorce, I want them to have
the best skills possible so that their children are not exposed to the
nightmares that some children from divorced parents experience. I believe
that I am planting seeds for the next generation of successful marriages.
Children from divorced families do so much better when they are not exposed
to constant, unremitting adult anger and live with parents who model
respectful communication, are able to put children's needs first, and
handle parenting apart in a business-like way.

I respectfully disagree with Mr. Drazic's statement that the divorce
education classes are "organized and run by the heavy hitters of the divorce
machine" - lawyers and therapists who are out to simply make money from
people's misery. In my experience, these classes are run by professionals
who ardently want to make a difference for children and their parents. And I
honestly don't know anyone who is getting rich from these programs! There is
indeed a "divorce machine" and I am opposed to it as much as I expect Mr.
Drazic is. There are barracuda lawyers who keep conflict raging, uninformed
judges and other court officials, and parenting evaluators and other mental
health professionals who have distinct agendas against one or the other
parent. But please don't lump parenting after divorce educators into this
category. We are quietly and professionally offering support and good
information to parents who have already made the decision to end a marriage.
I would be thrilled to close the doors to our classes because there is no
longer a need for parenting after divorce education. Until that time, I will
continue to do my very best to help these families.

Jean McBride

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