Review spots filled/Webcast/Superdads - 8/04

Tue Aug 24 12:11:23 EDT 2004

subject: Review spots filled/Webcast/Superdads - 8/04

- HHS GRANT REVIEW SPOTS FILLED
- TAPES
- MARRIAGE EDUCATION WEBCAST
- STRESS AND THE SUPERDAD
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- HHS GRANT REVIEW SPOTS FILLED FOR NEXT WEEK

> Hello Diane...Just thought I'd let you know that within 10 minutes of
> receiving your email from Smart Marriages about grant reviewers needed, I
> emailed and called Bill Coffin. He said he already had way too many
> people.
> Thanks anyway for the possible opportunity.....Connie Clark, PhD
> Christian Counseling of McPherson

Yes, Bill said he received tons of replies and he's all set. Apparently
some of you received the email before others. Watch this space for future
announcements. - diane

###################
- TAPES

> Hi Diane,
> I imagine you've had time to listen to additional tapes. If you don't want to
> share your recommendations with the list, could you send me an email? Or if
> it's easier, I'll call you. I've ordered the last set you recommended and
> would like a new batch. I appreciate your advice and the work you do in
> reviewing them. I guess we have similar taste.
> Ari

You're right, I have been listening to tapes from the Dallas conference and
do have recommendations. But, let's wait because the tape company, Playback
Now, is preparing the Top Ten Video and Top Ten Audio discount packages that
should go out today. Next week, I'll send a list of tapes that I recommend,
and maybe can even find time to come up with categories - for couples,
community organizers, etc. We should wait and see what's on the packages
and also because as part of this promotion Playback is going to offer free
shipping on all orders over $35 - not just on the packages. You'll be able
to make your own packages of tapes and get the free shipping.

I did listen this morning to the Popenoe/Whitehead tape "State of Our Unions
2004" and EVERYONE absolutely NEEDS to hear this one. It's one thing to read
their "State of Our Union" reports (http://marriage.rutgers.edu) but it's
even better to hear them talk about the nuances and answer questions about
the misperceptions about marriage, divorce, courtship, cohabitation,
reproduction trends in the U.S. and abroad. (to order, it's #754-402 at
800-241-7785). This tape is not on the top ten package which is made up of
the top sellers - the big names presenting on love, sex, infidelity,
courtship, etc....great tapes, but so many many good ones don't make that
top 10% of sellers. So, sometime next week, I'll send info when the
discount packages/shipping deal is ready and will also try to send
additional recommendations on tapes I've reviewed. I'll also try to get
Playback to extend the free shipping deal a few more weeks. Remind me. -
diane
#####################

- MARRIAGE EDUCATION WEBCAST

This is a great way to arrange and in-service training for an agency or
organization. - diane

You are invited to participate in a webcast on Supporting Healthy Marriages
and Strong Families Through Marriage Education Tues, August 31, from
3?4:15pm (EST).

The National Governors Association Center for Best Practices, with support
from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, presents the second
of a series on supporting healthy marriages and strong families. The first
explored research about how family structure can affect children. This
webcast will focus on efforts to build healthy relationships and sustain
healthy marriages through marriage education. It will feature four
panelists:

Bill Coffin, Special Assistant for Marriage Education, at HHS will provide
an overview of marriage education programs and discuss what they try to
accomplish

Francesca Adler-Baeder, Auburn University, Alabama will discuss the design
and implementation of a pilot marriage education program for low-resource,
nonmarried parents.

Dana Reichert, TANF Director for the state of Louisiana, will discuss how
the state used input from focus groups and surveys to develop marriage
education curriculum targeting low-income, African American populations.

Carlis Williams, Regional Administrator at HHS will discuss the African
American Healthy Marriage Initiative.

For information about accessing and viewing the webcast, visit
www.nga.org/HealthyMarriages

Viewers will be able to email in questions during the live event, and the
webcast recording will be posted for future viewing. Resources, including
the speaker's presentations, will be posted prior to the event on the
website.

Our final webcast will focus on Starting Early--Talking about Healthy
Relationships with Teenagers (Fall 2004).

###########################

- STRESS AND THE SUPERDAD

> Hi Diane, It seems there's increasing interest in men's issues. -Scott

www.time.com/time/magazine/ article/0,9171,1101040823-682260,00.html

Time Magazine
Aug. 16, 2004
Stress And The Superdad
Like the supermoms before them, today's fathers are struggling to balance
work and home

By MICHELE ORECKLIN

The past 30 years have seen the emergence of the working mom, the single
mom, the supermom, the soccer mom and - because full-time motherhood is
often considered a choice rather than a given - the stay-at-home mom. Yet
aside from the recent categorization of NASCAR dads (which more pointedly
concerns the significance of NASCAR than parenting), the title of dad has
rarely been linked to a modifier. It would be wrong, however, to conclude
that the role of fathers has remained unaltered; the majority of men today
are vastly more involved in the rearing of their children and maintenance of
their households than their fathers ever were. That no phrases have been
coined to describe such behavior can probably be attributed to the fact that
unlike women, men have not particularly organized, united or even been
pro-active to effect these reforms but, in essence, adapted to the changes
the women in their lives demanded for themselves.

That is not to say men resent the transformation. Data from focus groups,
conversations with men around the country and a poll conducted by the men's
cable network Spike TV and shared exclusively with TIME suggest that men,
most interestingly those in their early 20s through early 40s - the first
generation to come of age in the postfeminist era - are adjusting to their
evolving roles, and they seem to be doing so across racial and class lines.
But in straining to manage their responsibilities at work and home, many men
say they don't feel an adequate sense of control in either realm. "There's a
push-pull," says Kevin Lee, 40, a photographer in Salt Lake City, Utah, with
two small children and a wife who works part time. "I feel like when I'm
with the kids, it's great, and I enjoy that time. But in the back of my
mind, I'm always thinking that I've got all these other things to do, like
work around the house or job-related work."

As pioneer superdads, these men have few role models. Not terribly long ago,
a man went out into the world and worked alongside other men, and when he
came home, the rest of the family busied itself with making him comfortable.
Now, as with women of a generation ago, men are experiencing the notion of a
second shift, and they are doing so at a time when downsizing, outsourcing
and other vagaries of the economy have made that first shift feel
disquietingly unstable. Says Dr. Scott Haltzman, 44, a psychiatrist in
Barrington, R.I., with many male clients under 45: "Historically, men felt
that if they applied themselves and worked hard, they would continue to rise
within an organization." Now they must contend with a shaky economy,
buyouts, layoffs and mergers, not to mention rapidly evolving technological
advances. Of the 1,302 men polled, 75% said they were concerned about
keeping up with changing job skills, and even among those 25 to 34, a
presumably more tech-savvy cohort, 79% admitted to such concerns.

There is also uncertainty in men's roles at home. Says Bob Silverstein, an
employment consultant and personal life coach in New York City: "Home has
become one more place where men feel they cannot succeed." For as much as
women desire and demand their husbands' assistance in floor waxing and
infant swaddling, many men complain that their wives refuse to surrender
control of the domestic domain and are all too adept at critiquing the way
their husbands choose to help out. Haltzman, who gathers research on
husbands through his SecretsOfMarriedMen.com website, points out that "there
are a lot of things men do that women don't define as contributing to the
household. If a man is in the yard and notices that the basketball is flat
and he pumps it up, he gets no credit because it's not something that needed
to get done in the wife's eyes. But from the man's perspective, it's just as
important as picking up an article of clothing or doing the wash."

But even while men chafe at not being appreciated around the house, few of
them express a desire to return to the roles defined by previous
generations. "I would love a reprieve from all the domestic chores," says
Steve McElroy, 35, of Barrington, R.I., a father of two whose wife is a
full-time professor. "But I wouldn't want it at the expense of my family and
what I have with them." Asked by Spike TV to choose how they measure
success, only 3% of men said through their work, while 31% said they did so
through their faith in God, 26% through being the best person possible, 22%
through their network of family and friends, and 17% through maintaining a
balance between home and work.

In calibrating an acceptable balance between the two, men came down
decisively on the side of family life, with 72% --including those who are
single - saying they would sacrifice advancements at work to spend more time
at home and 66% saying they would risk being perceived poorly by a superior
to ask for a month's paternity leave. In 2002, Mark Carlton, 33, left his
job in mechanical design and moved with his wife and two children from
Evansville, Ind., to Minneapolis, Minn., when his wife got a better-paying
position. While interviewing for a new job, Carlton told potential employers
that he expected a "give and take. I give it my all at work, and in return
if I have a family issue, I should be able to have the time."

Despite their best intentions, however, men are not necessarily curtailing
their work hours. Nearly 68% of men work more than 40 hours a week, and 62%
are working on weekends. And men with children are putting in more hours
than those without: 60% of them work 41 to 59 hours a week, whereas only 49%
of men without kids rack up that many hours.

Even though men say they spend too much time on the job, they don't seem to
care about the gender or race of those they work alongside or below. This
would appear to be progress over 10 years ago, when many downsized men
channeled their frustration toward minorities and women whom they perceived
as threats to their professional advancement. Today, the Spike poll shows
that 55% of men profess to have no preference for a male or female boss,
while 9% actually prefer a woman. Proof that men may now recognize the
advantages of having women in the workplace is evident in another poll
number: 55% say they have no problem dating someone who earns significantly
more than they do.

Scott Haltzman presented two highly-rated workshops at the Dallas Smart
Marriages conference. Order the tapes or CDs at 800241-7785. (But, wait
because Wife's Heart tape is in the Top Ten deal, and if you want
Corralling, you should order it as part of the no shipping/handling costs
deal.) - diane

> #754-415
> Corralling the Stallion
> Scott Haltzman, MD, Rozario Slack, DMin
> What works to encourage men to attend classes and to stay engaged in bettering
> their marriages? Understand gender differences and learn to avoid unintended
> turn-offs.

> #754-805
> Win Your Wife?s Heart Forever
> Scott Haltzman, MD
> If we can build skyscrapers and land on Mars, we can also figure out how to
> succeed at marriage. Eight secrets on how to win x and keep x the prize. For
> men only.

####################

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