Mentor Programs?/Cherokee/poem/books/Cost of Kids -9/03

[Smartmarriages ®]

subject: Mentor Programs?/Cherokee/poem/books/Cost of Kids -9/03

from: Smart Marriages®

- MENTOR TRAINING PROGRAMS?
- SEPTEMBER 12TH 
- SOLDIER STORY 
- CHEROKEE WEDDING 
- TOUR DE MARRIAGE
- INTERNATIONAL MARRIAGE CONFERENCE, Oct 2-4
- THE COST OF KIDS 

#########################
- MENTOR TRAINING PROGRAMS?

> Diane, 
> While we are still basking in the glow of this past June's SmartMarriages
> conference in Reno, we also getting ready to start a Marriage Mentor
> training program here in Tucson. During the conference we met with a number
> of different individuals who's churches had successfully done the same
> thing. Unfortunately, I misplaced the contact information.
>  
> What we need are a few churches in the coalition who have a few years of
> experience "under their belts" in training Marriage Mentors. We'd like to
> contact them and "debrief" them on what worked and what didn't.
>  
> Steve Wright 
> Director of Station Relations
> Tucson, AZ 
> swright at flc.org 
> (520) 219-7732 


There are so many - Marriage Savers (McManus), For Better and Forever
(Ruhnke), MFEST (Santana-Grace), Growth in Marriage Ministries (Dyer), etc.
(And, there are great audiotapes from the Smart Marriages conference on each
of them - 800-241-7785).  I'll put this request out to the list and invite
folks to contact you.  Would you be so kind as to compile a list of replies
and share it with everyone?   Thanks.  - diane
######################

- SEPTEMBER 12TH 
 
 September Twelfth, 2001
 
 Two caught on film who hurtle
 from the eighty-second floor,
 choosing between a fireball
 and to jump holding hands,
 
 aren't us. I wake beside you,
 stretch, scratch, taste the air,
 the incredible joy of coffee
 and the morning light.
 
 Alive, we open eyelids
 on our pitiful share of time,
 we bubbles rising and bursting
 in a boiling pot.

by X.J. Kennedy, from The Lords of Misrule (Johns Hopkins University Press)

#####################
- SOLDIER STORY 

> Diane, we have had a virtual firestorm in Florida this week with the
> announcement that our National Guard soldiers will be extended in Iraq until
> Spring 04.  In the midst of all of it, great stories emerge, like this one:
> 
> One soldier and his wife are reading Love is a Decision by Gary Smalley.
> Whenever they have contact, they share their feelings and insights on what
> they have read.  The only problem is, the soldier is have trouble keeping up
> with his wife because other soldiers keep "borrowing" the book.
> 
> What a wonderful idea!  If you know of a military family, consider sending
> each one of them a copy of an appropriate book that they can read "together"
> during their separation.
> 
> Frankie Godwin, Psy.D.

This reminds me, I've been meaning to suggest that I think all couples
should somehow get two copies of books and read them at the same time.  Long
novels, biographies, whatever - it's so nice to be able to talk to your
partner as you go and some long books take so long to get through that you
can't really talk about them if you read them in succession.  Maybe we could
set up couples book swapping clubs to cut down on the cost.  - diane

#######################
- CHEROKEE WEDDING 

The Herald Free Press (Missouri)
Justin Ballard 
September, 10, 2003


> . . . .  the new couple had one more ceremony to complete. Tihonovich gave
> them a large flat rock and told them to carve their names into it. Kinnard
> then had to throw the rock into the Sac River.
> 
> If they ever want to get a divorce they have to retrieve the rock and bring
> it to the medicine man, who reminded Kinnard that the flood waters get
> pretty high on that river.


A Cherokee wedding 150 years in the making Ceremony first of its kind in
area since 1849

James Jewel Kinnard II and his bride, Bonnie Lou (Chicbonya) Winston,
traveled 150 years back in time when they exchanged wedding vows Saturday,
Sept. 6, in an authentic Cherokee wedding ceremony.

It was a simple outdoor ceremony that hadn't been performed in the Stockton
area since 1849. A law was passed shortly after 1849 that made it legal to
shoot Indians on sight, preventing any kind of public ceremony like the one
Saturday, said Col. Randy Gamel, Indian agent for the Western Territory.

The couple, both Cherokee Indians, went to great lengths to reconstruct and
perform the ceremony. They researched on the Internet and had a lot of help
from local medicine man Al Tihonovich, an Arapaho Indian who officiated the
wedding.

Winston had promised her grandmother, who raised her, that if she ever
remarried the ceremony would be Cherokee.

"I remember my grandmother and great-grandmother who walked the Trail of
Tears," Winston said. "I promised I would have a Cherokee wedding when I was
ready to share my life with someone again."

The May 4 tornado took all her medicine bags and other treasures she had
from her grandmother and other family, which made her four-month engagement
a busy one.

Winston and Kinnard went through a spiritual cleansing and attended sweat
lodges so they would be pure for each other before the ceremony. A Cherokee
teepee made of animal skins was brought in from Green Horn, Colo.

"This couple really put a lot of dedication into this," Tihonovich said.
"There aren't many people who would put this effort into an old wedding. I
am really proud of them. It's a foundation that will help make the
relationship last."

Friends and family held wild flowers as they sat on brightly colored
blankets that covered a large ring of hay bales during the ceremony.

Wearing a hand-made beaded leather dress and leather vest, they exchanged
vows and rings while standing on a 200-year-old family quilt. After their
first kiss as husband and wife, they and their family danced around the
circle shaking hands and sharing hugs.

"What better way to start over than with my people," Winston said. "I have
inherited a lot of nephews and nieces today."

How they met

Winston remembers Kinnard spoke to her first six years ago while at the
Vikings Post south of Stockton. She had seen him a few weeks earlier at
Casey's General Store and knew he was the one for her.

"Four months ago I asked if she would marry me," Kinnard said. "I love her
and I love being with her. We have always known we loved each other. We have
both been married before so it was kind of a leap of faith."

Before heading off to New Orleans for their honeymoon, the new couple had
one more ceremony to complete. Tihonovich gave them a large flat rock and
told them to carve their names into it. Kinnard then had to throw the rock
into the Sac River.

If they ever want to get a divorce they have to retrieve the rock and bring
it to the medicine man, who reminded Kinnard that the flood waters get
pretty high on that river.

"I don't want my heritage to die," Winston said. "That's why I wanted to
stay with the Indian ways."

©Ozarks Newsstand 2003

To see the beautiful wedding photo, go to:
http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=10137291&BRD=1815&PAG=461&dept_id=
516614&rfi=6

######################
- TOUR DE MARRIAGE

Not to beat this one to death, but I like this.."tour de marriage"
- diane 

> Diane ... Like others, I'm disappointed in the Armstrongs. Lance showed the
> world what dedication to training and skill could do in a bicycle race.
> Perhaps if he had put similar energies into marital skills training, he could
> have won the Tour de Marriage as an example for the world as well. It's a much
> more worthy goal and accomplishment.
> 
> Ray

#####################

- INTERNATIONAL MARRIAGE CONFERENCE, Oct 2-4

The International Marriage Conference sponsored by the National Association
of Marriage Enhancement (NAME) will be held in Phoenix, AZ Oct 2-4.
Presenters include Gary and Norma Smalley, Tim Clinton, President of the
American Association of Christian Counselors and Mike and Marylin Phillipps
of the University of the Family. For info: www.marriageconferences.com or
(602)404-2600

####################

- THE COST OF KIDS 
>
>I have seen repeatedly the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but
>this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way.  It's nice,
>really nice!
>
>The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth
>to 18 and came up with $160,140.00 for a middle income family. Talk about
>sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.
>
>But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896 a
>year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.24 a day!  Just
>over a dollar an hour.
>
>Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have children
>if you want to be "rich." It is just the opposite.
>
>What do your get for your $160,140?
>
>Naming rights,--- First, middle, and last!
>
>Glimpses of God everyday.
>
>Giggles under the covers every night.
>
>More love than your heart can hold.
>
>Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
>
>Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
>
>A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.
>
>A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sand castles, and
>skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
>
>Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how
>your stocks performed that day.
>
>For $160,140, you never have to grow up.
>
>You get to fingerprint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning
>bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus.
>
>You have an excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
>watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney Land, and wishing on
>stars.
>
>You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets
>and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in
>clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.
>
>For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck.
>
>You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
>taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling a
>wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball
>team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
>
>You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step, first word,
>first bra, first date, and first time behind the wheel You
>get to be immortal.
>
>You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a
>long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.
>
>You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice,
>communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.
>
>In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God.
>
>You have all the power to heal a booboo, scare away the monsters under the
>bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and
>love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without
>counting the cost.
>
>ENJOY YOUR KIDS AND GRAND KIDS!

And, remember, they're cheaper by the dozen.  - diane


**************************
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