FATHER'S DAY - 6/15/03

[Smartmarriages ®]

subject: FATHER'S DAY - 6/15/03

from: Smart Marriages®

- DON'T UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF A FATHER'S PRESENCE
- FATHER OF THE YEAR CONTEST
- SHARING THE BLAME FOR FATHERLESS KIDS
- FIRST THINGS FIRST: PROMOTING FATHERHOOD AND FAMILIES

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> I talk and talk and talk, and I haven't taught people in 50 years what
> my father taught by example in one week.
> Mario Cuomo 

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- DON'T UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF A FATHER'S PRESENCE
(summary of WSJ article - June 2003)

Worldwide interest in the contribution fathers make to their
children's development inspired research with compelling results:
A father's interaction with his children is even more powerful
than mom's in some cases.

According to researchers, fathers have an important influence
over their children's development.  For instance, the child's
bond with the father at age five was shown to have a bigger
effect on development than the child-mother bond in a study at
Catholic University in Belgium.  Researchers found that:

o   Children less attached to their fathers at age five were,
at age nine, more anxious and withdrawn, less self-
confident, and less likely to be both warmly accepted by
their peer group or well-adjusted at school.

o   A mother-child relationship of similar strength produced
less of a sense of self-worth and less ability to form
close, one-on-one relationships.

A 16-year study of 44 families published by the Society for
Research in Child Development (SRCD) found that encouraging,
stimulating father-child play builds a strong foundation for a
child's ability to form enduring relationships with others later
in life, comparable to the strength of the mother-infant bond.

University of Maryland research has pinpointed work as a factor
that can interfere with healthy father-child bonds:

o   Although it may sound obvious, fathers who work long hours
tend to spend less time with their kids; but the same
isn't true for mothers -- moms working long hours spend
the same amount of time with their children as those with
fewer hours of work.

o   And dads with higher incomes spend less time engaged in
activities with their kids, even after adjusting for the
effects of working long hours.

Source: Sue Shellenbarger, "Move Over, Mom: Research Suggests
Dad's Role Sometimes Matters More," Wall Street Journal, June 12,
2003.

For more on SRCD research
http://www.srcd.org/ <http://www.srcd.org/>

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- FATHER OF THE YEAR CONTEST

As Chairman of the Florida Commission on Responsible Fatherhood, I was
honored this week to participate in our regional "Father of the Year"
contests in Tallahassee, Miami, and Tampa.  It has been a very moving week
to witness students from grades 1-12 read their winning essays about "What
my Father means to me" as their fathers/father figures stood behind them.
It was truly amazing to watch countless strong men reduced to tears as they
listened for the first time to the written, heartfelt expressions of love
and appreciation from their children.  Morgan, a 6th grader, wrote about her
Father this way:  "To the world he is just one person, but to one person he
is the world."  David Zaret, a 10th grader wrote "There is a man in my life
who has been there for me through good and bad timesŠ My father has been the
biggest role model, friend, and influence in my life."  Some of the most
heart wrenching essays were written by children who do NOT have Fathers
involved in their lives.  One 11th grade girl wrote:  "My father?  What
about him? ŠSince the day I was born, I have never had him in my lifeŠIt's
by choice that I do not bear his last name.  For years I tried to force
myself into his life, but after years of rejection I gave upŠ I've learned
to accept it."  Another 3rd grade girl wrote about her father being nice to
the neighbors, but when inside their home, he hit her again and again and
again.  She wrote "he hits me" in virtually every sentence of her essay.  We
reported the father to the child abuse hotline.  Fellow Dads, as we
celebrate Father's Day this weekend, ask yourself this question:  What kind
of essay would my children write about me?
Richard Albertson 
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- SHARING THE BLAME FOR FATHERLESS KIDS
    By Linda Chavez
    CNSNews.com Commentary
    June 11, 2003

This Father's Day, more than one quarter of all children in the United
States will live in homes without fathers. Even this statistic masks the
epidemic of fatherless children in America, however, since many children in
two-parent households live with stepfathers instead of their own.

Who's responsible for the burgeoning rate of fatherless families? It's been
popular in recent years to blame negligent men for abandoning their
children, but a recent federally funded report by Child Trends suggests that
women may be more of the problem than men.

Most Americans agree that children are better off being raised in two-parent
families-and with good reason. Children raised in single-mother households
are more likely to do poorly in school and are twice as likely to drop out
of school or become parents themselves while teenagers. Nonetheless,
significantly more women than men believe that one parent can raise a child
successfully, according to the Child Trends report.

Overall, 42 percent of women, but only 26 percent of men, said that one
parent can bring up a child as well as two parents together. A far greater
number of black women said that single parents were as good as two parents
in raising children -- 64 percent. Not surprisingly, this is roughly the
same percentage of the black population that is now born to single mothers.

Women also appear less likely to stay married "for the sake of the children"
than men.

While attitudes toward divorce have become increasingly tolerant since the
1960s-along with skyrocketing divorce rates over the same period-fewer women
than men believe "when there are children in the family, parents should stay
together even if they don't get along," according to the study. Only 12
percent of women, compared with 20 percent of men, said they agreed with the
statement, while nearly half of both men and women said that "Divorce is
usually the best solution when a couple can't seem to work out their
marriage problems."

Of course divorce doesn't always mean a loss of contact between parent and
child, but, statistically, contact between non-custodial parents (85 percent
of whom are fathers) and their children remains quite limited. Sixty percent
of children see their non-custodial parent at least occasionally, but that
leaves 40 percent who have no contact with the nonresident parent.
Non-custodial parents have contact with their children only 70 days out of
the year, on average, and sometimes only for a few minutes.

The situation is worse for poor and minority children. Barely more than one
out of two black, nonresident fathers (51 percent) saw their children even
one time during the previous year, while only 48 percent of Hispanic,
non-custodial parents maintained any contact with their children, and 47
percent of non-custodial parents living in extreme poverty did so.

Father's Day should be more than an excuse to buy new barbecue grills and
power tools. The holiday began when a Spokane, Wash., woman-who was raised
by her father after her mother's death-set out to get national recognition
for the roles fathers play in the family. Sonora Smart Dodd's campaign to
honor fathers became a national phenomenon in 1924 when President Calvin
Coolidge proclaimed the first Father's Day, and it became a permanent
holiday in 1966 when President Lyndon Johnson declared the third Sunday in
June for its celebration.

As Mrs. Dodd understood, fathers play crucial roles in their children's
lives. Ideally, they teach them love, respect and discipline. A father's
relationship with his daughter is often the best predictor of whether she
will grow up to have a lasting, fulfilling relationship with her own spouse.
A father's relationship with his son is critically important to the
development of self-discipline and a healthy, respectful attitude toward
women.

Like Mother's Day, however, Father's Day has become more a tribute to
Madison Avenue than a true celebration of parenting these days. Instead of
using the day to consume more material goods, wouldn't it be better to spend
the time reflecting on the meaning of fatherhood?

    Copyright 2003, Creators Syndicate, Inc.

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- FIRST THINGS FIRST: PROMOTING FATHERHOOD AND FAMILIES

By Paul M. Weyrich 
CNSNews.com 
Commentary June 12, 2003

> Higher rates of criminal activity, drug use,
> low educational achievement -- afflict children raised in single-parent and
> stepparent homes than two-parent families.
> 
> Fortunately, one community, Chattanooga, Tennessee, is the beneficiary of a
> campaign to restore a culture of marriage that started six years ago, an
> effort that is deserving of national recognition.  (See Reno Institute #912)

As Fathers' Day approaches, it is a good time to take stock of the state of
fatherhood and marriage in this country.

Some quick statistics from the National Fatherhood Initiative's Father Facts
should make clear that neither institution is as healthy as many of us would
like:

* 24 million children are not living with their biological father present.

* A third of all births in 2000 occurred out-of-wedlock.

* About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their
father at all during the past year. Just over a quarter of absent fathers
live in a different state than their children. Half of the children living
in homes without their father present have never even stepped inside their
father's home.

* Single-parent families are five times as likely to be poor as
married-couple families. In 1999, 6.3% of married-couple families with
children lived in poverty. But 31.8% of single-parent families with children
were poor.

My former colleague, Pat Fagan, now with the Heritage Foundation, makes the
point that encouraging young men to marry is really a pretty complex
business. It takes more than just a celebrity to tell young men about the
benefits of marriage to get the guys hitched.

The women they are dating have a great deal to say in how the young men will
act. Young women raised in families where the fathers are present and
involved with the children are more likely to have enough direction and
confidence to abstain from sex. They are much more likely to want a real
marital commitment. If the father is not present, then it's anybody's guess
as to what happens, but, as the statistics above indicate, plenty of couples
-- teens or otherwise - have been guessing wrong.

Clearly, fatherhood is important, and not just for the sake of the mother.
The father's presence matters to the children too, including young women.

Marriage went out in the late 1960s as "free love" was coming in, and we
have been paying the price ever since. The cost is paid in unhappy children,
growing up without one of their parents present -- quite often the fathers
are the ones who are absent.

Families headed by one parent are more likely to be living on the edge
economically and socially, oftentimes creating strained relationships
between parent and children. Higher rates of criminal activity, drug use,
low educational achievement -- afflict children raised in single-parent and
stepparent homes than two-parent families.

Fortunately, one community, Chattanooga, Tennessee, is the beneficiary of a
campaign to restore a culture of marriage that started six years ago, an
effort that is deserving of national recognition.

Back in 1997, civic leaders in Chattanooga were grappling with the problems
of crime, health care, and workers with below average skills. The more they
studied those problems, the more they learned how the breakdown of the
family had aggravated each problem. Indeed, at that time, Chattanooga's
divorce rate was 50% higher than the national average and it had the 5th
highest out-of-wedlock birth rate among the nation's cities.

First Things First was formed with the mission of accomplishing reductions
in the Hamilton (Chattanooga) County divorce and out-of-wedlock birth rates
by 30% and to increase involvement of fathers in raising children by a
similar percentage.

Mobilizing churches and synagogues, civic organizations, businesses, the
medical community, and local government, First Things First has conducted
campaigns to promote character education, teen pregnancy prevention,
marriage education, divorce mediation, and fathering classes.

The results? Hamilton County witnessed a 21% decline in divorce filings over
six years. Divorce rates plunged 16.7%. Nearly 150 churches now require
premarital counseling before performing weddings in the expectation that the
earlier significant differences between couples are recognized and
addressed, the better it will be for the marriages should the couples decide
to go forward. Naturally, there are those couples who will realize it is
better to break off an engagement rather than a marriage. That's good.

But there are those couples who have been married, only to contemplate
divorce once the thrill of the first few months or years fade. Thanks to
First Things First's efforts, more emphasis is being placed on divorce
mediation to try to keep bickering married couples together and out of
divorce court.

Teen out-of-wedlock births declined by 21% too. Public agencies are now
starting to tell women that they are endangering themselves and their
children by bringing babies into the world out-of-wedlock. The value-neutral
message by the social service professionals is being jettisoned.

First Things First emphasizes that the more the bonds between unwed fathers
and their children can be built early, the more likely it is that the father
and mother will remain involved and possibly even marry. Mothers are
encouraged to include the fathers in raising the newborns. A "Boot Camp for
New Dads" trains new fathers in how best to take care of their newborns.

Julie Baumgardner, the executive director of First Things First told
Philanthropy magazine that the "polling research we consulted told us that
individuals felt ill-equipped to build strong marriages, but that families
were hungry to do that."

Thanks to First Things First, rather than simply accept the adverse
consequences of the sexual revolution, Chattanooga is actively working to
restore the importance of marriage, family life, and fatherhood. That's good
news. First Things First's comprehensive effort in tackling divorce,
out-of-wedlock pregnancies while promoting fathering is worth emulating in
other communities too.

Americans need to relearn what our parents and grandparents knew: that
traditional family values are functional values. First Things First realizes
that strengthening family life and traditional values are keys to improving
education and to reducing the problems of crime, drug and alcohol
dependency, poor health, and poverty.

There's one more success story from this program that's worth telling. First
Things First acknowledges that two of their board members resigned. Was it
because of a scandal? Not at all. The men realized they needed to spend more
time with their families.

(Paul M. Weyrich is chairman and CEO of the Free Congress Foundation.)

Copyright 2003, Free Congress Foundation
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