Oprah & Fatherhood/Fla Legislation/Child Birth/Marriage gap survey-1/03

Tue Jan 28 11:18:20 EST 2003

subject: Oprah & Fathers/Fla Legislation/Childbirth/Marriage gap survey-1/03

from: Smart Marriages®

- SET YOUR VCR: OPRAH AND FATHERHOOD: WED JAN 29
- CHILD-BIRTH EDUCATION PROGRAMS:
- SEX-STARVED: 
- FLORIDA LEGISLATIVE ACTION:
- SURVEY STUDIES GAP IN MARRIAGE

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- SET YOUR VCR: OPRAH AND FATHERHOOD: WED JAN 29

Oprah talks about Fatherhood, again!

Tomorrow, Jan 29th, National Fatherhood Initiative President Roland Warren
will appear on Oprah in a follow-up to a show "The Secret Thoughts of
Fathers" that aired in Oct. Because of an overwhelmingly response (Oprah
said it was one of the "best shows" she had done in 17 years!), they're
doing tomorrow's follow-up "Mothers React to the Secret Thoughts of
Fathers."  Check local listings for airtime.
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- CHILD-BIRTH EDUCATION PROGRAMS:
Hi Diane,

I'm developing partnerships with the 2 local childbirth education programs
in Flagstaff.  The concept is to add 5-8 hours of marriage skills training
onto the basic childbirth education classes.  It makes so much sense because
most everyone who has ever had a first child remembers the challenges to
effective communication that evolved.  The selling point is that this is a
great "teachable moment" and that couples have already commitTed to a class,
so the structure already exists.

We are writing four different grants to fund the program.  We would like to
know: Who is already doing this?  How is it working?  How many hours is the
skill training?  Does anyone have outcome data?  What do the program evals
look like?  Are there other effective selling points/marketing strategies?

928 779 5118 #2 or Skills at couplesworkshopflag.com.

Thanks,  Bob Tures

Note: I just talked to Bob and he is aware of Pam Jordan's Becoming Parents
Program and of Alan Hawkins Marriage Moments Program - two childbirth
education programs that have been and will, again, this year be featured at
Smart Marriages.  However, he's interested in any applications of these
programs and/or any other programs.  Please contact Bob directly and copy an
email to me.  - diane
###################

- SEX-STARVED: 

> Diane, I am so glad that someone is finally dispelling the myth that it is
> 'always' the man that wants the sex and getting rejected!  That is not how it
> is in my marriage and I would guess not how it is for a number of marriages,
> more than we might realize!  I am not sure where it got started that women do
> not have a sex drive and never want to have sex.  This has been a problem in
> my marriage, me wanting more and my husband wanting less.  Thanks for opening
> the door of communication for such an intimate and difficult topic to discuss
> by so many......KL, a sex-starved newslist subscriber

After her appearance this morning on The Today Show, the book was at #9 on
amazon.com - amazing.  - diane
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- FLORIDA LEGISLATIVE ACTION:

Diane,

Senator Evelyn Lynn, Chair of the Children and Families Committee, has
prefiled a bill broadening Florida's Commission on Responsible Fatherhood
into the Commission on Marriage and Family Support Initiatives.

You can view the bill text at
http://www.flsenate.gov/data/session/2003/Senate/bills/billtext/pdf/s0480.pd
f.  If clicking on the link doesn't work, cut and paste the whole link into
your browser address bar.

I will keep you abreast of progress.

Matthew D. Munyon, Executive Director
Florida's Commission on Responsible Fatherhood
(850) 488-4952 ext. 133
mmunyon at ounce.org
www.floridafathers.org

####################
- SURVEY STUDIES GAP IN MARRIAGE

Reader's Digest/John Gottman study.

Associated press - January, 2003
      Survey studies gap in marriage

      Love and sex are more important to a happy marriage for men in their
late 50s and early 60s than at any other time in their lives, a new survey
says. Unfortunately for them, that's just when intimacy becomes less
important to women.

      The survey, being published in the February 2003 issue of Reader's
Digest, found that between the ages of 57 and 64 men become more attentive
to their wives while women, finally freed from family responsibilities, find
more goals outside of marriage.

      "The guys are saying, 'Now I get it. I want more intimacy,'" said John
Gottman, a marriage expert who analyzed polling data for the magazine. "And
the women saying, 'Sorry, bub, I've already done that. I've got my own goals
now.'" 

      A 60-year-old New York woman in the survey said she was finally
getting the chance to travel, but her retired husband didn't want to. "What
am I supposed to do? Stay home?" she asked. "Life's too short."

      The nationwide telephone survey was conducted in June for the
Chappaqua-based magazine by the Ipsos-NPD research group, which randomly
chose 500 married men and 500 married women, but no couples. Questions were
designed to determine how happy their marriages were and find out about
specific behavior and attitudes.

      Gottman, who teaches at the University of Washington and is the author
of "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," then compared the
answers to find the relationship between marital happiness and particular
behavior and attitudes.

      Women in the 57-to-64 age group rated good sex at 46 on a scale of 100
for its importance to a happy marriage. Men rated it 62. For the 44-to-56
age group, the importance of sex got a 66 from women and a 54 from men.

      The differences smooth out somewhat in later years. The importance of
sex drops for men.

      For both sexes, spending time alone together is more important after
age 65 than in the first years of marriage. Also, arguments no longer carry
the sting they do for younger couples.

      "We let off steam and then a few minutes later start talking to each
other as if nothing happened," said a 73-year-old woman from Connecticut.
"Now that we're older, we don't hold a grudge."

      (The Associated Press)

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