**READ: Gores' new book offers something old, little new - 11/24/02

[Smartmarriages ®]

subject: **READ: Gores' new book offers something old, little new - 11/24/02

from: Smart Marriages®


> So one would expect that the Gores would offer an enlightened perspective on
> marriage and how to strengthen it; on children, and how best to raise them;
> on family commitment, and how best to ensure it. One would expect that
> they'd engage the continuing debate on marriage that has even moved to
> liberal quarters.

> It's not fair to make too much of one book, especially one introduced in an
> obviously political context. But the Gores' sins of omission are shared by
> others on the left unwilling to say what we know: That healthy marriages are
> still the very best way to raise children, and that society has an
> obligation to support this basic family arrangement for the sake of future
> generations.
> 
> The definition of family offered by the Gores is so all-embracing it is
> almost stripped of meaning. A family must be more than "a group of two or
> more individuals joined at the heart" - the phrase that runs through these
> uplifting pages like a sweet refrain and provides the title for the book. If
> families are only "the people about whom you care most in the world,
> regardless of their legal or biological relationship to you," then the
> institution becomes a flimsy, flexible shadow of itself.

> But in the end, a society has to say what it values and stand up for what it
> says. So do its leaders.

The Philadelphia Enquirer
Sunday, Nov. 24, 2002

Gores' new book offers something old, little new
By Jane Eisner

There's a point early in their new book about the transformation of the
American family when Al and Tipper Gore tiptoe toward revelation.

They write that "what's still especially difficult for too many people is
letting go of the idea that the primary purpose of MARRIAGE is personal
fulfillment."

The emphasis on the word marriage is all mine. Definitely not theirs.

Joined at the Heart is a 400-plus-page work that introduces earnest,
admirable families of every shape and stripe and manages to avoid engaging
the hottest, most important topic in family life today: marriage.

Now, say what you will about the Gores. They are no Johnny-come-latelys to
the family issue. For years, they've hosted an annual Family Re-Union that
draws scholars and real folks from around the country. Tipper championed
warning labels on music recordings long before such labels gained
acceptance. As vice president, Al launched a bold fatherhood initiative when
few liberals were embracing the idea.

They understand that the family is not just a unit but a system - and that
when one part of this fragile, complex social machinery is stressed or
broken, the strain is shared by all and the consequence echoes beyond the
four walls of home.

So one would expect that the Gores would offer an enlightened perspective on
marriage and how to strengthen it; on children, and how best to raise them;
on family commitment, and how best to ensure it. One would expect that
they'd engage the continuing debate on marriage that has even moved to
liberal quarters.

One would hope for this not only because Gore is (now, anyway) the leading
Democratic candidate for president, but also because the nation needs and
deserves a robust political conversation rather than the echo chamber that
too often passes for it in Washington.

Alas, they only tiptoed to the shoreline and wouldn't venture off dry,
comfortable land. I guess the water was too cold, the plunge too
intimidating. New thinking would have been required and old assumptions left
behind.

It's not fair to make too much of one book, especially one introduced in an
obviously political context. But the Gores' sins of omission are shared by
others on the left unwilling to say what we know: That healthy marriages are
still the very best way to raise children, and that society has an
obligation to support this basic family arrangement for the sake of future
generations.

The definition of family offered by the Gores is so all-embracing it is
almost stripped of meaning. A family must be more than "a group of two or
more individuals joined at the heart" - the phrase that runs through these
uplifting pages like a sweet refrain and provides the title for the book. If
families are only "the people about whom you care most in the world,
regardless of their legal or biological relationship to you," then the
institution becomes a flimsy, flexible shadow of itself.

We've got to recognize that the legal, social and moral bonds of marriage
serve a communal purpose by encouraging men and women to fulfill their
responsibilities toward each other, their children, and their community, and
rewarding them when they do so. This is why cohabiting couples do not last
together as long as married ones. There's more than a piece of paper
involved.

And there are judgments to be made. Yes, the reasons for the high divorce
rate, the troubling increase in children born to unwed mothers, and the
growing sense that marriage is an irrelevant institution go beyond
individual behaviors and choices. The Gores do a great service by
sympathetically recounting the struggles of many families to do the right
thing against formidable economic and social odds.

But in the end, a society has to say what it values and stand up for what it
says. So do its leaders. For years now, conservatives have framed the
family/marriage debate without adequately understanding the obstacles that
many Americans face - especially the poor. Liberals have shied away from the
conversation, for fear of - what? Offending someone? Shaking up some tightly
held assumptions?

If anything needs to be joined at the heart, it is this conversation. As the
Gores write: "Ultimately, the decision we make as a nation concerning the
importance of families will come down to judgments about values." We
underestimate the value of healthy marriages to family life and social
organization at our peril.


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