eHarmony/Middle Class Lens/Onion/Movies? - 6/02

[Smartmarriages ®]

subject: eHarmony/Middle Class Lens/Onion/Movies?  - 6/02

from: Smart Marriages


eHARMONY: 

I joined eHarmony for 3 months earlier this year.
Never got close to talking with or meeting anyone.
Exchanged some email for a while with a few women,
but the conundrum is always that people lived hours
if not plane rides away.

I see that the people in the article flew out to
meet each other, which I still find amazing that
they were able to build a long-distance relationship.
I wonder if these people are the exceptions.
It's hard to imagine that very many people can
afford to fly all over the country to date someone,
let alone have the time to do that.

- jerome

##################

> Dianne,
> 
> The "onion" is a satire site...this "cancer scare" story is a joke.
> 
> Kent

I KNOW....but it's so clever....I think it must have been written by one of
us.  Dontcha think?   It includes all kinds of behaviors to make marriage
work, and all the ones that make it fail.  Anyway, when three people in a
row send me the same article I figure I should share it with the list.
  - diane 

> Its fiction. The Onion is famous for satire. They are outrageously funny but I
> seldom read their stuff. I'll never forget this one. Thanks again for passing
> it on. I'm glad the listserve is still functioning even as the conference prep
> is heating up to white hot.  I can tell the conferences are always getting
> better and better.
> 
> John Williams

#####################

MIDDLE CLASS MARRIGE LENS:
Dear Diane, 
I was offended by the narrow scope and oversimplification of the
problems low-income people face in marriage presented in Linda Chavez's
article in the _The Jewish World Review_ on June 19, 2002.  If we are going
to help people in poverty build and maintain stronger unions, we must stop
viewing their lives through a middle class lens.

Research has shown that low-income couples must contend with multiple
barriers to successful relationships, such as partners with drug, alcohol,
and gambling addictions, infidelity, domestic violence, and last but
certainly not least, an inadequate amount of of economic resources.  This is
not to suggest that middle or upper-income couples do not face such issues,
but it has been found that people in poverty face them at much higher rates
and often do not have the financial and social supports to help them
effectively overcome these issues.

Chavez suggests that the differences are as simple as "He favored paisley
shirts and moccasins, while I still wore white gloves and herringbone
tweeds." Or, "he liked politics; I liked literature. But despite our
differences, large and small, we made it."  It's nice to see that Chavez and
her husband were able to overcome these monumental differences, but for a
couple in abject poverty it may read something like this: "He's addicted
heroin, and I can't read."

So as Chavez and many others hail the President's initiative to have more
poor people get and stay married and denounce a culture that no longer
values marriage, let us try to remember that that it is a different world
out there for some people.  Chavez stated that "[i]f we're to do anything
about reversing these trends, we need to understand more about what makes
for a good and lasting marriage." This is good advice; I hope she--and the
Bush Administration--follows it instead of continuing to project middle
class values on an entire population that faces a different reality.

Sincerely, 
Stacey Bouchet 
University of Maryland, Baltimore County Policy
Sciences, 
Doctoral Student & Former TANF Recipient sbouch1 at umbc.edu

################
AFRICAN AMERICAN MARRIAGE MOVIES?

Dear Diane and Smartmarriage Folks,

I've just started working with an African-American church singles group and
I'm looking for ideas on good movies that could serve as a basis for sound
marriage and relationship education. There's single moms and dads there,
mostly 20 somethings and mostly female. I need some good examples of
preparing well for marriage, dating intelligently and all the rest.

(My first attempt was a few minutes of "The Preacher's Wife," when Whitney
Houston and Denzel Washington start getting a little too cozy and Whitney's
mom warns her about going too far. It illustrated that Christians struggle
with wayward affections.)

I enjoyed the marriage movies session at the conference last year. Any good
equivalents of "The Story of Us" for this crowd? Thanks.

John R. Williams
IEF/Center for Character and Culture
jrwill at internationalcharacter.org


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