cartoons/requests for studies & housing/Mossholder/McManus - 1/30/02

Smartmarriages ® cmfce at
Wed Jan 30 22:49:43 EST 2002

subject: cartoons/requests/Mossholder/McManus - 1/30/02

from: Smart Marriages

Two cartoons from the Jan 28 New Yorker magazine:

Husband sits at his computer screen.  Wife stands, holding a pistol with
both hands and aims it at him, saying, "Step away from the screen, and hold
up your end of the conversation."

 - - - - - -
Man and women sitting in restaurant.  Women looking angry and incredulous.
Man is saying, "I never said 'I love you.' I said 'I love ya.' Big


I am a doctoral student in psychology at Southwestern Baptist Theological
Seminary. I am entering the dissertation phase and plan to do a study
examining the effects of Family Life Education courses on college students'
attitudes toward marriage and premarital counseling. I am collecting
information and your website has been very helpful. However, what I need are
journal articles citing STUDIES examining similar concepts.  Can anyone out
there help? 
Preston Crowe
pccrowe at

If you can help Preston, also copy me please. Scott Gardner, I'd think your
research would be pertinent. BYU must have something on this, too. - diane
Feb 12, 6PM, Scott Haltzman, MD, will present a free lecture: "Give Cupid a
Chance - Five Relationship-Boosting Ways to Shoot Love's Arrow Back Into the
Heart of Your Marriage" at the Providence Marriott (Orms St). Plus free
romantic gifts for everyone.  For info: (401) 247-9100 or

Scott will present a seminar 'for men only' at Smart Marriages - "Win Your
Wife's Heart Forever".

Dear Dianne
I have received with much interest your news letter for the past 2 years.
Although I am writing from South Africa and a lot of the legislative
information has not meant much, I have used many of the other articles as
resources in my work in our church. (Pastors wife!)

I have a request and I wonder if you could post it for me. I have a friend
who is a Principle of a school here is S.A. - he is attending a Principles
conference in San Antonio Texas from 5 - 10 April and he would love to stay
with a Christian family over that time. Is there anyone who would be able to
host him over this period. It is especially difficult for South African
visiting the USA as our currency is very weak against the Dollar and having
to pay for hotel accommodation would severely stretch the schools budget.
I can be contacted at dmacd at

- - - - - -  - -

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Norm Bales, Editor
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By Mikal Frazier, LMFT, LPC

"No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have
preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the
prize." (1 Corinthians 9:27)

Last Thursday my husband left early in the morning to go to
Nicaragua on a seven-day mission trip.  On the Tuesday evening before
I was looking over my e-mails and read something that made me
terribly sad and also spurred me on to act.  So I did.  I asked Jim
(my husband) to lunch on Wednesday, my treat.   We go out to eat
often, but it is usually not my treat, that is out of  the part of
the budget that I manage.  You see, something that means a lot to my
husband is when I do something for him, like an act of service type
thing.  Treating him to lunch or dinner is one of those things he
dearly loves for me to do, and I do it rarely.  But that pattern is
changing.  I am committing to doing this much more frequently.

The e-mail that spurred this change came from the Smart Marriages
website.  This e-mail reported the fall of a leader in marriage
ministry.  His name is Ray Mossholder.  Some considered him the
"father of Christian marriage ministries," (
Newsletter (01/17/02).  Mossholder is 64 years old.  He has been
married for 42 years.  A statement that shuts down his website at says, "Over the past three decades more than
11,000 divorces have been canceled and over 100,000 people have put
their trust in Jesus Christ during Marriage and Singles Plus
seminars around the world."  Marriage Plus Ministries is the work
Mossholder began in 1971.

For three decades this man with his wife at his side has taught
others how NOT to do exactly what he has chosen to do.  I feel fairly
certain Mr. Mossholder has heard many disillusioned spouses who
planned to leave a marriage say, "No, there is no one else.  I do
have a good friend."  I believe he has heard that because I have
heard that too many times.  And every time I have heard that, somehow
or other that good friend "becomes" the next romantic interest.  Mr.
Mossholder said the same thing.  He said he had a "close friendship."
 Yet he declared this "other woman" was not the problem in his
marriage.  But they do plan to marry when her divorce becomes final.

How totally tragic!  He is 64 years old.  He has been married for 42
years.  He has taught others about Godly marriages for 30 years.  He
and Mrs. Mossholder have three children and eight grandchildren.
Any of these facts should be enough to do everything to make a
marriage work.  His age is enough reason.  He should have gained
enough wisdom and learned from much experience how to lean on the
Lord in the tough times.  Forty-two years represent an extensive
shared history that will be a literal tearing asunder.  God is the
answer for failing marriage and he has taught this for 30 years.
There are three grown children he is still a role model for.  This
fact alone is enough reason to work through any difficulty.  He has
eight grandchildren. If you think your own children must now answer
for themselves, what about the precious grandchildren who are also
going to learn from their grandfather?  The cost is too great.

I often tell couples who have been married several years that now
they must make the nice things happen.  When they first met and those
first sparks flew in the relationship, the nice things seemed to just
fall out of the sky.  The time comes for all of us when we must
choose to make the nice things happen.  We must choose to nurture our
marriages. Even those of use who teach others about healthy
relationships must not fail to enrich our own at every opportunity.
It is obviously possible to teach others well and take our eyes off
the mark for our own relationship.

I plan to take Jim out more often, express appreciation more
frequently, and find a dozen and more other ways to nurture this

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