Potential wives??? - 8/22/02

Thu Aug 22 16:11:51 EDT 2002

subject: Potential wives??? - 8/22/02

from: Smart Marriages

I sent you the original USA Today article on this fall-in-love project
launched by the editor of Psychology Today. Sending this follow-up so we can
all stay up-to-date on his *progress*.  Also see the next post, a
follow-up by Willard Harley who promised at his Smart Marriage keynote
session to keep us posted on his project designed to get singles married
within two years using a *community* approach.  - diane
- - - - - -  - - -
This clip is from the USA Today article below:

> He hopes that many newly met couples would sign a non-binding agreement
> similar to the one he proposes, pledging to work toward several goals. Those
> include learning to communicate, express deep feelings, go to intensive
> couples counseling and read extensively about love.

> He and his chosen lady will write about their success story and how to
> duplicate it.
> 
> The project will include the advice of John Gray, author of Men Are From
> Mars, Women Are From Venus, who has agreed to be a counselor for Epstein and
> his new love partner.

1,000-plus women would enjoy life as his potential wife

By Karen S. Peterson, USA TODAY

Be careful what you wish for.

Publicly looking for love has turned into something of a "nightmare" for
Robert Epstein, the editor in chief of Psychology Today who published a
request in May for a woman to learn to love him and write a book with him
about the process.

Arranged marriages are really not a bad idea, says Epstein, 49. One can
learn to love a specific person and stand a better shot at happiness than
someone relying on a "burst of passion," he says.

More than 1,000 women have responded ‹ one with a $1,200 plane ticket and
invitation to her private island to get acquainted, others with their Ph.D.
theses that allegedly prove they can write. Two women from India suggested
he pick them because they understand arranged marriages.

"I am overwhelmed by the reaction. This whole thing is a complete shock,"
Epstein says.

He also has not had a date in months. "I'm a busy guy to begin with, and
this has just added 12 more layers" to his life.

The pressure is on to make a choice within weeks, not months. He needs a
co-star as well as a co-author. The contract for a TV network reality series
based on mindfully falling in love has already been signed. And a deal for a
TV documentary on his search should be consummated within days. Attention
from the media is in full throttle.

The deluge of responses shows, he says, "there is a tremendous need" for a
new way to look at love. His approach is so popular "because we are so very
bad" at finding someone in today's meet market.

Although he says he is a serious guy, associated with the Cambridge Center
for Behavioral Studies and with 11 books to his credit, all this came about
almost on a whim. "This was just an idea that popped into my head," he says.
A few days before the May/June issue of the magazine went to press, he
replaced his editorial with a new one saying the belief that there is a
one-and-only person with whom we will live happily ever after is a "myth."
He asked for a woman to date him exclusively for an agreed-upon time, go to
couples counseling to get to know each other, and consciously fall in love,
with a book and possibly wedding bells in mind. "I believe in marriage, and
that would be the best and most romantic outcome."

He is back with some further thoughts in a follow-up editorial in the
magazine's September/October issue, now arriving on newsstands.
"The strong interest that people are showing suggests that many in the
Western world are fed up with our naive approach to love and romance and are
desperate for viable alternatives," he writes. "Have I found one?"
He hopes that many newly met couples would sign a non-binding agreement
similar to the one he proposes, pledging to work toward several goals. Those
include learning to communicate, express deep feelings, go to intensive
couples counseling and read extensively about love.

He and his chosen lady will write about their success story and how to
duplicate it.

The project will include the advice of John Gray, author of Men Are From
Mars, Women Are From Venus, who has agreed to be a counselor for Epstein and
his new love partner.

Presumably Epstein, who is divorced, will also write about how to include
his four children, who live with him part time, in his experiment. He does
not expect that to be "a major problem. They are very sweet kids."

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