replies/updates/Murphy Brown/Christian PAIRS and PREP -4/02

Sun Apr 21 16:26:42 EDT 2002

subject: replies/updates/Murphy Brown/Christian PAIRS and PREP -4/02

from: Smart Marriages

TANF REAUTHORIZATION MOVING ALONG:

The Herger TANF reauthorization legislation cleared the House Ways and Means
Subcommittee on Human Resources on Thursday, April 18th.  The bill was
approved with the marriage money/language intact and will go to the full
Committee for consideration before the end of the month.  And, then there's
the Senate.  It's a long, slow process.

To read the bill, go to:
http://www.house.gov/ways_means/fullcomm/107cong/hr4090/hr4090chairamdt.pdf

For the marriage support provisions see pp 13-15.  (It's a pdf and takes a
while to load.)  - diane

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COVANANT MARRIAGE: OKLAHOMA
Diane,
I just got off the phone with a reporter from Oklahoma.  She says that
their covenant marriage bill just passed the senate judiciary committee,
is headed to the floor for a vote, they expect passage soon and that Gov.
Keating is likely to sign.  Stay tuned.
Alan Hawkins 
#################
CONTINUUM OF CARE: 
Hey Diane,
Just want to give you an update from Jacksonville.  Our CMP is moving along
with clergy and politicians getting involved.  More than 100 singles are
attending our Monday night How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk class.  Week number
four is tomorrow and I am taping every session.   And it's led some of the
singles into some of our other educational classes.
I'm teaching Christian PAIRS on Wednesday nights to about 10 couples which
is also going very well. And, I've made videos of two couples whose
marriages were nearly over (one couple was separated more than 18 months)
when they went through our "continuum of care" and put their marriages back
together.  Both couples are now training with our Center to be peer
counselors so they can help others.  I should be able to use some of these
video clips at the presentation at Smart Marriages to illustrate the full
continuum of services a congregation can offer. Looking forward to DC!

Rick Marks
darbyfbc at fbcjax.com

At Smart Marriages, Rick will present a Friday keynote session on the
Continuum of Care he offers at his church in Jacksonville, Florida and will
teach a Christian PAIRS workshop with Lori Gordon on Saturday.  Those of you
who take the 3-day PAIRS pre-conference training can attend this workshop
(#502) and add the Christian PAIRS program to your repertoire.  Manuals are
also available for Catholic and Jewish PAIRS.  Rick will also take part in
the daily clergy/laity breakfasts Thurs, Fri & Sat mornings to share ideas
about what works and doesn't in congregations. - diane
#################
IN LIEU OF GIFTS:

And more from Rick Marks - this in a reply to the Edward Santana Grace post
about the grateful newlyweds who asked for donations to the marriage
ministry in lieu of wedding gifts.

Ed,  
We had a similar thing happen.  A couple separated for about 20 months went
through our continuum of care model.  It has taken them almost 10 months
worth of hard work but they're solidly back together.  The wife actually got
about $4500.00 back from her divorce lawyer.  She tithed the money ($450.00)
to our Center for Family Ministry!  She told me that not only did we save
her marriage, but we saved her a life of resentment and bitterness.  Both
Tracy and Dwight are now learning how to help other couples in distress.

Lets keep up the good work.

Richard "Rick" Marks, Ph.D.

################
REGISTRATION QUESTION:
> Diane,
> I am completing my registration for the conference and have a
> question.
> 
> I want to gain certification to teach the Christian PREP course at my church.
> CPREP is offered in a one-day institute on Monday but it says that the Monday
> training only qualifies you to present the one-day version of CPREP and that
> full CPREP training takes 3 days.   How may days of the pre-conf PREP seminar
> are required? Is Monday the only way to get the Christian dimension?
> 
> I had hoped to take RE on Monday and Tuesday, post conference.
> Let me know how to proceed and allocate my time.
> 
> I am elated that our schedule will finally mesh and allow us to come.  I look
> forward to meeting you and to the energizing mix of the networking and idea
> sharing.  I am working on getting several from our county who are working on
> launching a county wide effort to come, as well and folks from our church
> where we are also launching a marriage ministry.

> Blessings.  
> Kathy Goodrich
> 
> 
So glad you will finally make it to the conference.

Here's how the PREP training and certification it works.  To be certified to
teach the official PREP course, you have to take the full 3-day pre-conf
training (Tues, Wed, & Thurs - July 9, 10, 11).  Once you have that training
and certification as a PREP instructor, then you can purchase the
book/workbooks for ANY of the other PREP courses and also teach those
versions - i.e. CPREP, Becoming Parents, For Better or For Worse, Empty Nest
Prep, Af Am Prep, etc.  Vice versa does not apply.....that is, you can NOT
take the adapted courses and be certified to teach the official PREP course.
In other words, if you take the 3-day Becoming Parents Program (which is
based on and incorporates the PREP course in its curriculum) you are
certified to teach the 3-day Becoming Parents Program, but you can't
advertise and teach the regular PREP course for couples.  If you take the
1-day CPREP, you can advertise and teach a 1-day version of CPREP, but you
can't teach the full 3-day version of CPREP or teach regular PREP.  So, best
to take the 3-day PREP certification training and then, if you want, take
the Monday one-day version of CPREP which will serve as a review of what you
learned in the three-day training plus will demonstrate the scriptural
applications.  Or, you can simply take the PREP 3-day training and purchase
the CPREP workbooks and add the scriptural, biblical adaptations that way.
That would then free you up to take something else post conference.  You're
running into the number one complaint at the conference - having just one
body and not being able to take everything on the menu at once.

- diane  
########################
MURPHY BROWN: 
Diane,

I got behind in my reading, so I apologize for being late in making this
comment re:  "New Day Dawning? In the struggle over the family, foundations
made the difference" By David Popenoe.

The article overall was excellent.  I just want to make a big deal about one
thing:  Murphy Brown.

For the life of me I never did understand why Murphy got picked on.  If you
see the original shows the story line is this:  she is divorced, her
ex-husband comes back into her life, she gets pregnant, he wants to stay
divorced and not be a father so Murphy decides to keep the baby and raise
him by herself.  She had not been remarried up to this time (and I don't
believe that her ex was remarried either) so the fact that they came
together should have been a positive thing.

The fact that she got pregnant and chose to raise the child (instead of
getting an abortion!) should have made her a heroine.  The ex-husband is the
one who should have been pilloried for being an irresponsible father.
Murphy chose to make the best of the situation, including hiring a male
nanny for the boy.

Thanks.  I always did want to get that off my chest.

Emmy Bea
California

I'm sharing this one because I'll bet a lot of you were like me.  I'd never
seen the show and assumed Murphy must have decided to have a baby on her
own, decided she didn't have time for marriage, and went to a sperm bank or
something similar.  I appreciate hearing the story line - putting the
pregnancy in context.  - diane
####################
SINGLE MOTHERS SHARED HOUSING:

Diane,
We all want to see people get into good marriages, but I have to say that
single parents going in together is a great idea. My wife and I shared homes
with other couples for years; it was a great support system for when I was
away and it had a beneficial impact on my marriage. For single moms, I'm
sure it prevents getting into marriages for the wrong reasons and it makes
for wiser parental decisions too.
John R Williams
International Education Foundation

################
POOR SINGLE MOTHERS:
Diane, In the interview conducted by the Seattle Times with four single
mothers it seems that the women misunderstand the Bush initiative,
indicated by a statement, "For $440 a month, the typical welfare grant,
does the government have a right to tell you who should be in your
home?"  I've read Wade Horn interviews that make it perfectly clear that
the initiative is educational for those who want it, and would not be
coercive.  How and why is this misinformation being disseminated?  Is
there some way to improve on the accuracy of the message so that people
do not feel frightened, resentful, and oppressed?  Sandra

Sandra G. Bender, Ph.D.
Executive Director
The Marriage Coalition
Cleveland Heights, OH 44118
216-371-1063
###################
CONFERENCE PROMO: 

This is taken from the National Institute of Relationship Enhancement (NIRE)
e-newsletter.  I'm sharing so you can all glean ideas for how to help
promote the Smart Marriages conference in your own publications.  We can't
change the world unless we reach it!  Thanks NIRE!

Also, remember to take conference brochures with you to any conferences or
workshops you attend.  I'll send you a box, just let me know.
- diane 

Smart Marriages Conference July 11-14

In July people who believe good personal relationships, satisfying
marriage, and happiness itself are matters of learning and practice will
gather in Arlington, Virginia for the 6th SMART MARRIAGES Conference. The
conference this year will be held at the Crystal Gateway Marriott Hotel
July 11-14, with pre-conference and post conference workshops stretching
the learning opportunities from July 9 through July 17.

The greats of marriage and family skills training will be there. Our own
Bernard Guerney, Stephen Covey, John Gottman and 16 other national
leaders will make plenary presentations. There are 14 training
certification programs before the conference and 15 afterwards, providing
thorough training in everything from our own RE to Family Wellness to
Creating a Marriage Savers Church. At the conference itself there are
workshops describing literally every aspect of skills for couples and
families as well as several workshops aimed at increasing practice and
skills, such as How to Develop and Market a Marriage Learning Center, or
working with particular groups, such as Fragile Families. Altogether you
can gain 69.75 CE credits during this remarkable 9 days.

An added feature is public sessions on Saturday evening and Sunday
afternoon in which the founders of programs will illustrate how they work
with consumers. Watch the experts do their magic!

Detailed information about the conference can be found at the Smart
Marriages website:  www.smartmarriages.com   You may register online, by
fax, or regular mail. Registration fee is $295 by May 20, $345 after that,
with extra discounts for spouse or student registration, and extra fees for
the banquet and CE certificates. Check the website or get out the brochure
you've most likely received in the mail.

The conference has become so popular that Diane Sollee, Chair, suggests you
register by April 25 to assure you will be able to attend all sessions you
want.

I would really like to encourage RE folks to attend. There is something
about the synergy which is created when that many people gather in one
place at one time who all believe in the tremendous power of seeing
relationships as matters of art and science, rather than fate or luck. You
meet people from all over who are excited about how they change lives by
teaching skills. You make instant friends. Every conversation is an
opportunity to feel supported in your work and learn something new.

NIRE staff will have workshops at the conference and conduct a 2 day
Program Leader Training July 15 & 16. This program leader training will
enable participants to lead RE Skills Training groups. It is open to both
professionals and lay people who want to create change in the world by
teaching skills.

NIRE will also have a table. We want you to stop by and visit us. If you've
always had questions for Bernie, Louise, Rob, or even me and would like to
just have time to talk with us, this is your perfect chance. Because we are
not always presenting, we get a chance to simply get to know great people.
So come have lunch or dinner with some of us and have some great
conversation.

Diane Sollee, chair of the Smart Marriages Conference, has put together a
marvelous smorgasbord of opportunities. Her enthusiasm for the conference
is catching. When asked for a comment, she talked about what she loves
about the conference:

"The most gratifying aspect for me are the reactions of those who attend.
People can't seem to say enough about how much they enjoy the program and
the chance to discuss ideas with like-minded colleagues about how to get
the courses to the public. The only complaints seem to be that I didn't
tell them to bring their spouse, or that the program is just too rich, too
tempting, and that they've gone to every single event and they're totally
fried by the end of it."

Diane also shared a few of the evaluations from last year:

"I have been attending professional conferences for the past 22 years
(AAMFT, PAMFT, APC, Networker, etc, etc,). This is the first
year I've attended Smart Marriages. It has been by far the best,
most balanced, positive, challenging, and professionally
helpful conference I have attended. I'll be back next year. "
- Carol Young Schreck, MFT

"The best aspect for me is the atmosphere of respect for a variety
of ideas, approaches, professional backgrounds and chosen modes
of involvement in marriage education."
- Richard Kindred, PhD

"Thank you for a conference that changed my life, my marriage and my
congregation."
- Diane Loberger

"Some of the best social scientists & clinicians in one place at one time -
very impressive and educational!"
- Mary McGinnis, LMHC

"I've found more answers in two days than I have in two years of therapy."
- Kristen Lee Mead, stepmother

"First time I have attended EVERY event at a conference - in body and
spirit! Looking forward to the next one. "
- Miriam Davis, LPC

To SUBSCRIBE or UNSUBSCRIBE, or change your address,
visit http://www.smartmarriages.com  Click Newsletter. Enter your
address in the appropriate box and proceed.

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This newslist shares information on marriage, divorce and  educational
approaches.  Opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by members of the
Coalition.

Newsletter archive - to read ALL posts to the newsletter:
http://archives.his.com/smartmarriages/index.html#start

6th annual Smart Marriages conference/Washington, DC
July 9 - 16, 2002  http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html

List your program in the Directory of Classes at www.smartmarriages.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW,   Washington, DC 20015-1961
www.smartmarriages.com  202-362-3332
cmfce at smartmarriages.com

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