replies: Hairdressers/digest/tool/poor - 11/21/01

Wed Nov 21 10:14:15 EST 2001

subject: replies: Hairdressers/digest/tool/poor - 11/21/01

from: Smart Marriages

ENLISTING HAIRDRESSERS:

Hi Diane,
This is so cool!! I would encourage any on the list that are doing marriage
education to get their promotional information into the styling salons of
their community. In 1992 after being trained in PREP, I contacted a number
of salons in the area and distributed brochures and cards. I also put them
on my mailing list for a quarterly newsletter with easy to read articles on
marriage and relationships. I received a number of referrals through those
contacts, some were the stylists themselves. So even if the stylists won't
be trained to do the work, they are usually happy to have a place to suggest
to the gals who want help. The next step is to find those places where guys
talk about their relationships, maybe at the corner bar or the golf course?
    Thanks for your great work and keep it up.
Mark Zier
Puyallup, WA

################
NEWSLIST DIGEST? 
Diane, 
Is it possible to receive a Digest form of the posts?
Because there are so many of them I can't keep up
with them in  my mailbox! Sorry, and thanks,
KCH

No, no digest is available - however, the archive is the next best thing.
It isn't sent to you, but you can unsubscribe from the list and then check
the archive periodically - once a week, once a month, etc. - what suits you.

To unsubscribe, go to www.smartmarriages.com, click newslist and follow
along. 

To check the archive, click archive from the smartmarriages home page.  Book
mark it for easy access.  - diane
############
WEDDING FOCUS:
On 11/20/2001 you sent an article on weddings that said:

> Patty Walsh, of Waterbury, Conn., was inspired to spend $6,000 more on her
> wedding, padding an initial budget of $14,000.

What's wrong with this picture???
The emphasis has become more on the "wedding" than on the "marriage." No
wonder marriages are in trouble - when they begin with this kind of
emphasis. 

Couples would be giving their marriages a much better chance of succeeding
in they invested lots more time/effort into preparing for the marriage - and
much less money/time/effort in preparing for the wedding.

Just thinking out loud....

Peggy Vaughan
http://www.dearpeggy.com
############
COUPLE COMMUNICATION TOOL:
For Carrie
Your tool is great for reasonable folks, and so many of us are reasonable
folks and work with reasonable folks.  Thanks for taking the time to write
it up so all of us can understand it and pass it on!
Judith Coche, Ph.D.
The Couples School
www.thecochecenter.com
#############
OOMS/PARKE ALTERNATIVE VIEW ON POOR AND MARRIAGE:
BRAVO. 
Finally a voice of reason and intelligence is heard on the subject of
marriage among adults who receive government support. My stomach turns every
time I've read in this forum another self promoting ideologue spouting some
white bread solution to problems that are obviously complex and resistant to
instant makeover but get the headlines that generate a knee jerk response in
order to sell the book, program, or vote.
My ears are wide open, as is my heart, to the case that Theodora Ooms and
Mary Parke make on behalf of adults who lead multifaceted, conflicted lives
that belie the easy one word (marriage) solution. They so eloquently
described what I, as a non professional, guessed at but didn't have the
facts and figures to back up.
Theodora and Mary have redeemed my belief in the courage, honesty, integrity
and compassion of those who work on behalf of struggling individuals in our
society and the ability of Smart Marriages to represent more than just one
note in this symphony of issues we call marriage. Amen, to their point of
view, which honors the individual and holds them accountable for their own
choices.
Right on, ladies.
Peggy Joyce
Letting Go Foundation
Portland, OR
pjoyce at lettinggofoundation.org

Diane: 
Don't people realize that the Fragile Families approach does not work?  What
evidence do these scholars have that the Fragile Families approach does any
good whatsoever?  Even Ron Mincy is having some second thoughts on the
issue. 

Given how much better kids on average do in intact, married households
versus  cohabiting and single-parent households, what is wrong with
encouraging couples who are interested in marriage get some help or a
friendly reference to marriage material/counselors?

To say that because we don't have enough data regarding marriage programs is
not reason for inaction--indeed, it should encourage the states to
experiment with various approaches and have attached to such efforts
vigorous research compenents so we can learn what works.

Rob Siedlecki

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6th annual Smart Marriages conference/Washington, DC
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Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW,   Washington, DC 20015-1961
www.smartmarriages.com  202-362-3332
cmfce at smartmarriages.com

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