replies - divorce, Gray, Gottman, modern maturity, etc

Smartmarriages © cmfce at
Tue Sep 12 22:09:05 EDT 2000

subject: replies - divorce, Gray, Gottman, modern maturity, etc

from: Smart Marriages

Re the fighting divorce resources page:

Diane, I too would like to see such a reource  - a page of courses and
literature aimed at avoiding divorce.

Insurance companies won't pay for couples counseling.  "We don't insure
marriages." They told me.  So the therapy is surreptitiously billed as
individual counseling with spouse attending.  But they will pay for therapy
for everyone once you are divorced.  Interesting.

Thanks.  CL

The link is now on the smart marriages web site - last item in 2nd
column...."fighting an unwanted divorce" ___________________

> When are children no longer considered children when one is contemplating
> divorce?  My "children" are 27 (not at home), 26 and 20 (both at home). K. J.
> in IL
Well, there's the classic joke. The couple, married 60 years, shuffle in for
a divorce.  The lawyer says, "why, after all these years, are you getting
divorced?!" They said, "We had to wait for the children to die." It's only
hurts when you laugh....

Or, think about explaining it to your grandkids.  "Why don't you and
grampa/gramma live in the same house?"  Tell them at Christmas, that's when
it usually first dawns on them.  Explain how love dies.

Or, ask your kids.  When are you no longer considered to be their
parents....  - diane sollee


Diane, Thank you for posting Ed's web site and John Crouch's site.  Please
post below information on John's open discussion site:

"A Divorce Reform Discussion Board exists at the following URL:

If your message has been refused by the Smart Marriages list, please post it
on the list above which is not moderated or edited.

Casey Parker, CANDLE ********************
 Dear John: 
For decades, NCHS 
adjusted raw divorce data for the number of divorces they expected to come
in after the preliminary filings.  Apparently, states sent in incomplete
numbers initially and would file more divorces later.  In 1988, the last
time the adjustment was computed, it was a 14% adjustment.  They have used
that number every year through 1997, which was 1,163,000 divorces.  In 1998,
NCHS said the number was under 1 million!  I did not believe it, and asked
them to tell me which states had big drops.  They could not identify one!
Sheepishly, they called later and said they forgot to make the adjustment.
Making it one final time, they said there were 1,135,000 divorces in 1998.
But they said they would not make the adjustment in 1999.  So expect to see
an apparent 15% drop in the "divorce rate." One problem is that fewer states
are reporting results at all.  Texas, for example, stopped in 1998.  The
reason is that NCHS used to pay the states for the data, and now it does not
do so. And there is no one NO ONE working full time on divorce/marriage data
at NCHS.  There used to be 5 people.  So I do not trust NCHS data after
Mike McManus

Good morning Diane,
We received the Sept/Oct issue of
Modern Maturity in yesterday's snail mail.  We were surpised to see an
article featured on the cover titled "Marriage Impossible-Four Couples Who
Chose To Accept The Assignment." The article describes the struggles of four
couples, who are each totally opposites of each other and how they overcame
those issues and maintain a strong healthy marriage: 1.  Political opposites
Mary Matalin & James Carville (James was mastermind of Clinton's 1992
campaign.  Mary was George Bush's 1992 deputy campaign manager) 2.
Religious opposites Cokie & Steve Roberts (Catholic & Jewish) 3.
Racial/cultural opposites Susie Money & Gilly Grant (American & Jamaican) 4.
Cultural opposites Robert Butterworth & Yelena Malysheva (American &
Russian) The article quotes John Gottman and mentions a book co-authored by
Cokie & Steve Roberts titled "From This Day Forward," that offers a look
into their interfaith marriage.
Dick & Carol Cronk


Hi Diane, 
I just thought I would point out, because of all the controversy
that seems to exist, that Wade Horn's "rule" is exactly what John Gray has
been saying for years. How about a Gender workshop at the conference on
 Rita DeMaria

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