Rituals/McManus schedule/replies

Sat Sep 2 18:31:35 EDT 2000

subject: Rituals/McManus schedule/replies

from: Smart Marriages 

ANNIVERSARY MARRIAGE RITUAL:
Here's another beautiful marriage ritual.  To read many others,
or for guidelines on adding yours, visit http:www.smartmarriages.com and 
click
on Marriage Rituals.  

Here's a ritual that my husband and I have been sharing for the 22 years 
of 
our marriage.  We have kept a diary of our anniversaries every year.  
After 
the kids are in bed on our anniversary, we pull out the diary, light the 
wedding candle that was on the altar of the church when we married, and 
reread the diary together.  In it, we've recorded what we did to 
celebrate 
the day, any highlights of the previous year, changes that have come to 
our 
family (like the birth of our kids, moves, and so forth).  It's a nice 
way 
for us to see the ebbs and flows of our relationship, and to remember how 
we've been blessed in all of it.  It takes us a little longer each year 
to 
read the diary (by the 50th, we figure we'll need to start at about 2:00 
in 
the afternoon), but I can't imagine doing the anniversary without it.

Martha and Dana Flemming
___________________
Blaine Fowers book, Beyond the Myth of Marital Happiness: How Embracing 
the Virtues of Loyalty, Generosity, Justice, and Courage can Strengthen 
Your Relationship, is
now available in bookstores and on amazon.com.  See the listing on the 
web site
on the Books by the Experts page.   Jossey-Bass Publishers  He presented
on this topic at the Denver conference and received very favorable 
reviews.  
For a tape of this session, call 800-241-7785 and order tape #750-703
___________________
LORI GORDON REPLY:
Regarding the McManus column on Making Marriage a Political Issue

Diane, 
Why is it so impossible to get across that Relationship Education is 
where 
its at?  And only with that will marriages hold up.  Not with greater tax 
advantages or condemnation of fatherless children.  And why won't 
politicians 
and government fund Relationship Education?  The most basic core issue 
isn't 
being addressed.  Nor funded.  Why do we have to struggle so to make the 
most 
obvious basic needed learning happen?  Everytime I teach, people are 
thrilled, 
kids eat it up, teachers love it.  What do we have to do to make it 
happen so
that the knowledge goes out there?
Lori Gordon
__________________
DIVORCE VIEWPOINT: 
Hello:
		I am likely to be divorced soon because of an affair my husband is 
still having.  I wish that my state observed its own divorce laws, as he 
has no legal grounds to divorce me - New York does not have 
\"irreconcilable differences\" but has, instead, stretched the 
\"cruelty\" grounds to mean that it is cruel to be married if you no 
longer wish to be...  I am interested in any movement to preserve 
marriage and reduce divorce rates!  Thank you for being here...
_______________
MCMANUS TRAVEL SCHEDULE: 
    The governors of three states -- Arkansas, New Mexico, and Texas -- 
are 
among those hosting events for Mike and Harriet this fall.  Mike and 
Harriet
will teach and train at all the following events - all of which are 
open to the public.  Note that schedules
are subject to change. Check with the person listed or with Marriage 
Savers for updated information at 301-469-5870.
For full information and descriptions on each event see 
www.marriagesavers.org.

    Sept. 12: Portland, OR: two-hour session 
with Portland area pastors and Oregon leaders of Community Marriage 
Policies 
across the state. Call Tom Dressell 503 655-1489. 

    Sept. 21-24: Kansas City, MO: The American 
Assembly will gather 100 national leaders to develop a consensus on how 
to strengthen marriage with both private and public sector.

    Sept. 26: Little Rock, AR: Governor Mike Huckabee is gathering the 
state's top religious leaders to consider supporting 
the planting of Community Marriage Policies across the state.   
Contact Chris Pyle 501 682-2345.

Sept. 27-28: Hot Springs, AR:  two-day training to create Marriage Saver 
Congregations  Call Jim Gilley 318 631-6240.

    Sept. 29-30, Mena, AR: organize a Community Marriage Covenant and 
train 
clergy to create a Marriage Savers Church. Call Frank and Edith Hebert, 
501 394-2162.

    October 2-3: Houston, TX: Governor George Bush's "Faith In Action 
Conference" on how churches can reduce the divorce rate. Call Diana 
Carson, 315 655-5726.

Oct. 19-21: Albuquerque, NM: Gov. Gary E Johnson's Governor's Summit on 
Marriage and Parenting organized by State Sen. Mark Boitano.  Includes 
training to create Marriage Saver 
Congregations Friday night and all day Saturday.  Call Pat Owen, 505 
821-8800.

Oct. 27-28: Philadelphia suburbs (Montgomery County) Leaders of PAIRS 
will organize a Community Marriage Policy®. Call Rita DeMaria, 215 
643-7659.

Nov. 8-11, Louisiana Family Forum, affiliated with Focus on the Family, 
signing Shreveport, Monroe and Ruston Community Marriage  Covenants, 
includes Marriage Savers training Friday night and all day Saturday.  
Call Rev. Gene Mills or Judge Darrell White at 225 344-8533.

    Dec. 1-2: Washington, DC: Fourth National Training in How to Create a 
Marriage Savers Congregation.  Featured speakers/trainers: George Gallup, 
Jr.,
 Dr. Barbara Markey, Mike & Harriet McManus, Father Dick and Phyllis 
McGinnis, 
Joe & Michelle Williams, Rev. Dick Dunn, Rev. Jeff Meyers and LeRoy 
Sullivan, 
Ann Gries and Richard Albertson. Pastors are encouraged to bring 3 Mentor 
Couples to be trained as a team to both events.  Those interested in 
being certified to be National 
Marriage Savers Trainers must attend this semi-annual two day training. 
To register: 301 469-5870. 

Feb. 9-10: Chattanooga Marriage Savers training for clergy and Mentor 
Couples in how to create a Marriage Savers Congregation.  Call 
Julie Baumgardner, First Things First, 423 267-5383. Divorces have 
already 
fallen 19% since clergy there adopted a Chattanooga Marriage Policy. 

__________________
WHY IT DIDN'T LAST: 
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And You Wonder *Why* It Didn't Last

She married him because he was such a "strong man"
She divorced him because he was such a "dominating male."

He married her because she was so "fragile and petite."
He divorced her because she was so "weak and helpless."

She married him because "he knows how to provide a good living."
She divorced him because "all he thinks about is business."

He married her because "she reminds me of my mother."
He divorced her because "she's getting more like her mother every day."

She married him because he was "happy and romantic."
She divorced him because he was "shiftless and fun-loving."

He married her because she was "steady and sensible."
He divorced her because she was "boring and dull."

She married him because he was "the life of the party."
She divorced him because "he never wants to come home from a party."
_________________

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The 4th Annual Smart Marriages conference was held
June 27 - July 4, 2000 in DENVER. Tapes of all workshops & keynotes are
available (90 min audiotapes $10, videos $25) at 800-241-7785 or  
tapes at playbacknow.com

The 5th annual conference dates & location will be announced
on the newsletter as soon as they are available.    

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Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd. NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
www.smartmarriages.com  202-362-3332  