Inventories: Predicting Marital Satisfaction - 3/31/00

Fri Mar 31 12:56:37 EST 2000

from: Smart Marriages 

My goodness!  This article has to win the prize for most
errors per square inch.  Yet, it's interesting and helpful.  
Maybe we should have a contest and see who can find
the most mistakes. Of course, there are the clear
factual mistakes and then there are matters of interpretation.
Which would make it hard to determine the winner. So 
I'll just list the factual mistakes I've spotted
and let you hash out
the others at the Denver conference in the workshop that compares
and contrasts the three major inventories - 
FOCCUS, RELATE & PREPARE/ENRICH.  The course developers
- Markey, Stahmann, and Olson - will be present to answer 
questions in session, #307 "Premarital Inventories: A 
User's Guide," chaired by Jeff Larson. 

The piece closes with a quiz out of the Gottman/Carrere shop and
also gives a link to an on-line relationship quiz on
a site headquartered in Canada. - diane

-diane

March 31 2000 

Julian Lee reports on the new PMT (pre-marital tests) 
Compatibility: can you test for it?

TAKE THE RELATIONSHIP TEST

     The age-old adage 'marry in haste, repent at leisure' could be
     consigned to the dustbin if a clutch of new American-style tests
     designed to evaluate a couple's chances of a happy marriage find
     their way onto the Internet in the UK. 

     All couples have to do now, apparently, is answer a number of
     multiple choice questions to find out if are they are truly 
compatible. If
     you score a high rating then your marriage is likely to endure, 
should
     your score be low then you've got some talking to do. 

     It's worked in America where the tests have, in some areas, reduced
     the rate of divorce, which, according to the University of Wisconsin,
     currently stands at more than 52 per cent of all first marriages. In
     Modesto, California, for example, divorces have dropped by 40
     per cent since such tests were introduced a decade ago. The state
     of Louisiana has even gone so far as to make the exam compulsory
     for couples intending to marry. (#1)

     To date more than a million American couples - each couple paying
     $10 for the basic questionnaire - have taken part and the method,
     which involves couples answering more than 100 questions and
     then analysing the results to resolve any potential flashpoints in 
the
     future, is gradually gaining ground in the UK. (#2)

     The tests carry brand names such as Prepare, Enrich and most
     recently Foccus, and were developed by American academics in
     the 1980s. Barbara Markey, a psychologist, founded Prepare and
     Enrich in 1985, and is a director of the marriage and family 
practice at
     Creighton University, Omaha, Nebraska. The Foccus model is the
     brainchild of David Olson, a professor of family social science at
     Minnesota University. 

     Now the tests are being administered to British couples preparing
     for marriage. Although it is early days (for the best results couples
     have to do the test at the beginning of their marriage plans), church
     groups are adopting the system. 

     Chris Grimshaw of the Totnes Community Family Trust has been
     running Foccus for three months and the ten couples that have taken
     the test (he prefers to call it an inventory as the word test 
suggests
     participants can either pass or fail) have resolved their differences
     and proceeded with their marriage plans. Mr Grimshaw, who is a
     trained counsellor, says the tests have saved him time that would be
     otherwise spent directing questions to the couples directly. 

     Could such systems work online? Grimshaw says the tests work as
     a good 'X-Ray' of a relationship and he would welcome the test
     being available via the Internet. 

     Nick Gulliford, who checks scores for Foccus in the UK and acts as
     the organisation's chief representative, said: "I think it's 
inevitable      that
     such tests will be available online but nothing has been decided yet.
     I think it would be a very popular idea." 

     The Rev Dr Peter Brown, the UK agent for Prepare, confirmed that
     ways were being explored to allow people to take the test online.
     "The problem is you have to ensure that people come to the
     questionnaire fresh. Those people who have got the biggest
     problems are quite likely to be those who will try to get a sneak
     preview." 

     Only this week a new system developed by scientists at the
     University of Washington, and available for trial to readers of The
     Times today, claimed it too is able to predict 90 per cent accuracy 
of
     a relationship's chance of survival. 

     Yet, despite such results, some of Britain's best known providers of
     pre-marital advice have expressed dismay or, in the case of the
     Church of England, rejected such tests. 

     Mr Gulliford claims he offered to licence the system to the Church of
     England's board for social responsibility two months ago but the
     offer was declined. "The Church is not an organisation but a
     federation and they cannot impose things. Each parish has to make
     its own decisions but I thought it would have been a good idea to
     have it recommended by Church House," he said. The Church of
     England was unavailable for comment yesterday. 

     Meanwhile Julia Cole, a counsellor with Relate, the UK's largest
     marriage guidance organisation, says she would be worried if
     couples were simply given the results of the test, which could often
     be quite disturbing, and then told to get on with it. She added that 
it
     would be a "worrying prospect" if such systems were to go online. 

     "If you are not prepared for the answers then you could be quite
     devastated. People need support when they are trying to come to
     terms with something. If a test just tells you that you've probably 
got
     three years [in your marriage] and you thought it was for life then
     you'd be pretty flattened." 

#1 - Louisiana does not make the tests compulsory for any one who wants
to marry.  No state does.  Covenants and Community Marriage Policies 
suggest that the inventories be taken.

#2 - The tests aren't all $10.  See the links below for prices which 
vary. 

#3 - PREPARE/ENRICH was developed by David Olson.  Barbara Markey 
developed 
FOCCUS.  RELATE is out of Brigham Young University and there are plans for
it to be available on-line later this spring.   

#4 - The article is confusing in that RELATE is both the name of the major
marriage counseling organization in England and is also the 
name of one of the American inventories.  The article didn't include
the link to the RELATE inventory.  I'll add that.   

          Links 

     A Canadian site that offers an online test with instant results 
allowing
     you to assess your compatibility. To date this is the only online
     'inventory test': http://www.queendom.com/tests/rel_sat.html

     For more information on the Foccus test: http://www.foccusinc.com/

     For a sample of the Prepare test:
     http://www.lifeinnovation.com/strengthquiz.html

     For the RELATE inventory:
     http://relate.byu.edu 

     Relate agency: http://www.relate.org.uk/ 

Take the relationship test:

Compiled by Sybil Carrère, Ph.D. University of Washington The following 
questionnaire can help you assess whether you are developing unhealthy 
communication patterns with your partner or whether the friendship in 
your relationship is intact. 

 TRUE  FALSE  

1 When you think back to the first time you met your partner you remember 
all the details (time, location, what your partner was wearing ,what 
he/she said)  

2 The two of you are pretty independent and have many activities or 
sports you participate in separately 

 3 It is hard to say exactly what it was that attracted you to your 
partner  

4 There are some behaviors your partner has you wish you could change  

5 Your partner loves to go on dates and do other romantic things 

 6 Your partner would remember the exact date and circumstances of when 
you first met 

7 The two of you have had some tough things happen in your relationship 
that were not under your control 

8 You find yourselves finishing each other sentences frequently  

9 You could name the person your partner admires most.  

10 Your partner is your very best friend  

11 Your partner probably wishes you would wait longer to get married  

12 Your partner frequently compliments you and tells you he/she loves you 

13 You decided to get married because it was the logical next step in 
your relationship  

14 When you and your partner argue you both can get defensive  

15 You both think good communication is important and you emphasise it in 
your relationship 

16 Sometimes when the two of you argue you can get sarcastic with each 
other  

17 Sometimes you have had to struggle to make this relationship work  

18 You and your partner have pet names for each other  

19 Sometimes things happened between you and your partner that make you 
feel depressed 

20 You and your partner have the same beliefs, values and goals 

 How to work out your score:  

You get one point for marking True on each of the following questions: 
1, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 12, 15, 18 and 20. 

You get one point for marking False on each of the following questions: 
2, 3, 4, 7, 11, 13, 14, 16, 17 and 19. 

WHAT YOUR SCORE MEANS  

Scores of 16-20. Congratulations! You and your partner are building a 
strong friendship and bond with each other. Your feelings of affection 
and admiration for each other, the emphasis you put on knowing about what 
is important to each other and your sense of unity all will help you 
through the rough spots in your relationship. 

Scores of 10-15. You have some good things going for you in your 
relationship but you need to work on building and strengthening your 
friendship. Happy couples have a deep sense of fondness and admiration 
for each other. This fondness and admiration helps them discount the 
times when their partner may be grumpy or thoughtless. Happy couples also 
tend to put the relationship first and really think of themselves as a 
unit. Knowing about each others' world is a real priority for happy 
couples. They tend to know and care about little details such as what 
kind of day you had at work, how your relationships are going with your 
family and friends and other things that matter to you. Take more time 
with your partner to know about what is important to each of you. 
Remember to make your relationship a top priority. When you argue, and 
all couples argue, remember it is the relationship that should win the 
argument. 

Scores below 10. It is time to take a hard look at your relationship to 
see what you can do to improve it. Your relationship needs intensive care 
if you and your partner don't feel fondness and admiration for each 
other, if you tend to feel negative and depressed about your interactions 
and if you don't feel as if you both take the time to really get to know 
what matters to each of you. 

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