Sweet nothings help marriages stick - Gottman/USA Today

Thu Mar 30 17:31:03 EST 2000

from: Smart Marriages 

Sweet nothings help marriages stick 

How newlyweds talk to each other, more than what they actually say, can 
predict which couples will divorce with 87% accuracy, new 
government-sponsored research says. The results of the 10-year study from 
the University of Washington, Seattle, add to the growing body of 
research sponsored by the National Institute of Mental Health that seeks 
to identify what saves marriages. Interviewed within six months of 
marriage, couples who will endure already see each other "through 
rose-colored glasses," study co-author Sybil Carrere says. Those who will 
divorce already see each other "through fogged lenses," seeming cynical 
and unable to say good things about each other. Strong patterns emerged 
that suggested divorce later: UW psychology professor John Gottman 
co-authored this marriage study and many others. He has found that key 
predictors of divorce include a husband's unwillingness to be influenced 
by his wife; and the wife starting quarrels "harshly and with hostility." 

March 30, 2000

Sweet nothings help marriages stick 

By Karen S. Peterson, USA TODAY 

How newlyweds talk to each other, more than what they actually say, can 
predict which couples will divorce with 87% accuracy, new 
government-sponsored research says. 

The results of the 10-year study from the University of Washington, 
Seattle, add to the growing body of research sponsored by the National 
Institute of Mental Health that seeks to identify what saves marriages. 

Interviewed within six months of marriage, couples who will endure 
already see each other "through rose-colored glasses," study co-author 
Sybil Carrere says. "Their behavior toward each other is positive." Those 
who will divorce already see each other "through fogged lenses," seeming 
cynical and unable to say good things about each other. 

Researchers followed 95 couples in the Seattle area for seven to nine 
years, beginning six months into their marriages. The initial hour-long 
interview together probed their relationship, their parents' union and 
their philosophy of marriage.

More than what was actually said, researchers logged "if they expressed 
fondness and admiration for their partner, if they talked about 
themselves as a unit, if they finished each other's sentences, referenced 
each other when they told a story, and whether what came to mind was 
pleasant," Carrere says. 

Strong patterns emerged that suggested divorce later: 16 couples have 
split in the study so far. UW psychology professor John Gottman 
co-authored this marriage study and many others. He has found that key 
predictors of divorce include a husband's unwillingness to be influenced 
by his wife, who is often the one trying to solve marital problems; and 
the wife starting quarrels "harshly" and with hostility. Those tend to 
escalate into bigger conflicts. 

**************************
This FREE online newsletter shares information on marriage, divorce and 
skills-based educational approaches.  Opinions expressed are not 
necessarily shared by members of the Coalition.

To SUBSCRIBE or UNSUBSCRIBE to the list, mail majordomo at his.com
Leave the subject line empty. In the body of the 
message type: subscribe smartmarriages or unsubscribe smartmarriages 
(do this on the first line, do not skip a space at the top)

- to CHANGE YOUR ADDRESS, follow the directions to unsubscribe your old 
address and subscribe your new address.  

- this is a moderated list.  When you send a reply message it is read by 
Diane Sollee, director, only.  

Newsletter archive - all past posts to the newsletter:
http://archives.his.com/smartmarriages/index.html#start 

4th Annual Smart Marriages conference/June 29 - July 2, 2000, DENVER  
http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html 
for registration, hotel and travel information.
up to 57 hours CEU -APA, SW, MFT, NBCC, CFLE

List your program in the Directory of Providers at:
 http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html 

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd. NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332  (FAX 202-362-0973)   Email: cmfce at smartmarriages.com 