Scott Stanley on assessing couple commitment -3/00
owner-smartmarriages
owner-smartmarriages
Wed Mar 29 16:01:29 EST 2000
from: Smart Marriages
Michelle Weiner-Davis wrote: I NEVER ask
about my client's level of commitment for working on their marriage in
the beginning.
Thought I'd toss in my two cents on all of this. I think there is much
to be
said for what many were saying in these posts. I think MWD is very
correct
here if we take what she's saying to mean that some couples cannot be
(wisely)
asked up front to make hard, total commitment. While I obviously believe
in
the power of commitment, for some couples who are very damaged, going
right
at this with them having to declare it outright can cause you to lose a
couple who might have made it. Here is what i try to do:
1) I think the key in these notes is to be trying to ASSESS the
commitment of
the couple early on. and if the commitment varies by partner. there is
much
one can usually gauge this on based on behavior in the spouses
themselves.
alternatively, you can directly assess aspects of commitment levels using
forms (i have short forms in books like Fighting for Your Marriage or A
Lasting Promise. i can paste in a message a short but potent form of
dedication here if people would like). at any rate, asking couples even
directly about commitment level to me is not as dangerous as asking a
fragile
couple to declare total commitment at that moment. in my view, people
can
tolerate being asked about it or answering questions on forms. what i
avoid
is pushing for total declaration of it with very distressed couples.
2) which gets me to point two. for very distressed couples, what i
usually
do is this: i acknowledge the difficulties and the challenge of
commitment
for them at this point. BUT, i make it clear that no progress is usually
made in an environment of total unpredictability and fragility. so, i
push
this way: "look, one thing i am sure of is that you have no chance if
you
are going to discuss divorce daily while at the same time trying to
invest in
ways to turn this around. those are not compatible behaviors. if you
really
want to give this marriage a shot, you need to AT THE LEAST, make a
limited
time commitment to give it your best. you need a break from the active
divorce talk and threats where you can both, in good faith, give it your
best
effort. you might want to agree to be as committed as you can for a
period of
months, and during that time, really try hard to turn things around. at
the
end of that time, we can discuss again commitment and what you are trying
to
do here. that can at least stretch your time frame for investing from
the
day to day of divorce talk right now."
a lot of times, couples can commit to the latter while they will not
commit
to the long long term. but the shorter term commitment to really try and
to
suspend active talking and action re divorce can give them time to slow
down
and give some effort a chance to work.
Scott Stanley
Folks, this is a short form measure of my dedication construct. An even
shorter version is in the books, but this is pretty short enough. what
follows are the items then the scoring then some referencing for it. You
have
my permission to make and use copies of this (not to publish it anywhere)
in
your work. Clinically, i often do not even bother to score it, rather, i
eyeball the responses in comparison of husbands to wives. i usually do
NOT
share feedback with the couple directly based on this form. In fact, I'd
recommend telling them that you do not plan to share scores or any
responses
on this items between the two of them. That way, you can use the info
for
clinical purposes of getting a sense where the partners are at but not
have
them worried about the other seeing their responses. Since there is not
a
direct question about affairs here, i think that is a pretty safe
strategy.
People can be seriously thinking about what it would be like to be with
others without being in affairs. those items are VERY sensitive to
current
level of satisfaction. Have at it. Scott
Brief Description:
Stanley's Commitment Inventory (CI, Stanley & Markman, 1992) The CI
assesses
two dimensions of commitment: constraint and dedication. It has high
levels
of internal consistency across a range of samples with alpha coefficients
averaging .82 as well as theoretically consistent factor structures
(e.g.,
Adams & Jones, 1997; Stanley & Markman, 1992; Pramann, 1986) and shows
theoretically consistent relationships with stage of relationship,
relationship adjustment, problem intensity, and various measures of
religiosity (Stanley & Markman, 1992; Stanley, 1986; Pramann, 1986). The
dedication scale used here is a 14 item subset from the six dedication
subscales of the entire CI. This measure has consistently demonstrated
both
reliability and validity in various data sets (e.g., Renick, Blumberg, &
Markman, 1992; Trathen, 1995; Stanley et al., under review; Whitton &
Stanley, 1999).
----------------------------------
the short form of my dedication measure (if you want even shorter still,
see
Fighting for Your Marriage or A Lasting Promise).
RELATIONSHIP SCALE
Please answer each question below by indicating how strongly you agree or
disagree with the idea expressed. You can circle any number from 1 to 7
to
indicate various levels of agreement or disagreement with the idea
expressed.
Please try to respond to each item.
1 = Strongly Disagree
2
3
4 = Neither Agree Nor Disagree
5
6
7 = Strongly Agree
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 My relationship with my partner is more important to me
than
almost anything else in my life.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I want this relationship to stay strong no matter what
rough times we may encounter.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I do not feel compelled to keep all of the
commitments
that I make.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I like to think of my partner and me more in terms of
"us"
and "we" than "me" and "him/her."
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I think a lot about what it would be like to be married
to
(or dating) someone other than my partner.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 My relationship with my partner is clearly part of my
future life plans.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 My career (or job, studies, homemaking, childrearing,
etc.) is more important to me than my relationship with my partner.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 It makes me feel good to sacrifice for my partner.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I do not want to have a strong identity as a couple
with my
partner.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I don't make commitments unless I believe I will keep
them.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Giving something up for my partner is frequently not
worth
the trouble.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 When push comes to shove, my relationship with my
partner
often must take a back seat to other interests of mine.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I am not seriously attracted to anyone other than my
partner.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I may not want to be with my partner a few years from
now.
Version 1.3
Copyright 1986, Scott M. Stanley. Permission granted to copy as is.
----------------------------------------------------
Scoring directions for the form above. Note carefully how to do this.
RELATIONSHIP SCALE KEY FOR DEDICATION SCALE
Reverse scale the items with the "R" in front, and total all items for
the
total dedication score. For reversed items, 1=7, 2=6, 3=5, 4=4, 5=3,
6=2,
7=1.
The mean for males is 86.13 SD 10.25 and for females the mean is 84.51 SD
11.27, in a sample of relatively happy and committed couples. These
items
that now comprise the short form were given in the context of the entire
scale. The short form has been shown to be an excellent predictor of
couple
dropout or completion in a research project of premarital programs.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 My relationship with my partner is more important to me
than almost anything else in my life.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I want this relationship to stay strong no matter what
rough times we may encounter.
R 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I do not feel compelled to keep all of the commitments
that I make.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I like to think of my partner and me more in terms of
"us"
and "we" than "me" and "him/her."
R 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I think a lot about what it would be like to be married
to (or dating) someone other than my partner.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 My relationship with my partner is clearly part of my
future life plans.
R 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 My career (or job, studies, homemaking, childrearing,
etc.) is more important to me than my
relationship
with
my partner.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 It makes me feel good to sacrifice for my partner.
R 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I do not want to have a strong identity as a couple with
my partner.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I don't make commitments unless I believe I will keep
them.
R 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Giving something up for my partner is frequently not
worth the trouble.
R 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 When push comes to shove, my relationship with my
partner
often must take a back seat to other interests of
mine.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I am not seriously attracted to anyone other than my
partner.
R 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 I may not want to be with my partner a few years from
now.
Version 1.3
Copyright 1986, Scott M. Stanley
-----------------------------------------------------
relevant references related to this measure:
Adams, Jeffrey M., & Jones, Warren, H. (1997). The conceptualization
of
marital commitment: An integrative analysis. Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology, 72, 7-1196.
Pramann, R.F. (1986) Commitment to spouse and God: The relationship
among
measures of marital commitment and spiritual maturity. Unpublished
doctoral
dissertation, Western Conservative Baptist Seminary, Portland, Oregon.
Renick, M.J., Blumberg, S., & Markman, H.J. (1992). The Prevention
and
Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP): An empirically-based preventive
intervention program for couples. Family Relations, 41(2), 141-14.
Stanley, S. (1986). Commitment and the maintenance and enhancement
of
relationships. Unpublished doctoral dissertation, University of Denver,
Denver, CO.
Stanley, S.M., & Markman, H.J. (1992). Assessing Commitment in
Personal
Relationships. Journal of Marriage and The Family, 54, 595-608.
Stanley, S.M., Markman, H.J., Prado, L.M., Olmos-Gallo, P.A.,
Tonelli,
L., St. Peters, M., Leber, B.D., Bobulinski, M., Cordova, A., &
Whitton,
S. (Under review). Short term effects of premarital training in a
religious, community based sample.
Trathen, D. W. (1995). A comparison of the effectiveness of two
Christian premarital counseling programs (skills and information-based)
utilized by evangelical Protestant churches. (Doctoral dissertation,
University of Denver, 1995). Dissertation Abstracts International,
56/06-A,
2277.
Whitton, S., Stanley, S., & Markman, H. (1999, November). Sacrifice
in
romantic relationships. Poster session presented at the 33rd Annual
Meeting
for the Association for the Advancement of Behavior Therapy. Toronto.
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