Replies/requests/comments - 3/23/00

[owner-smartmarriages]

from: Smart Marriages

I attended the John Gray IAMFC Distinguished Lecture at the ACA 
conference this 
morning.  He was terrific!  - diane 
_______________________
Keating for President!
At least he'd bring the right subjects to the national discussion.
John R. Williams
___________________________
Diane,
Shouldn't this headline read "Keating Diverts $10 Million From State's
Neediest Families To Tackle Divorce Epidemic Impacting Rich And Poor 
Alike?"
Would this news be terrific if the money was being diverted from capitol
investment incentives, highway funds, or other programs that benefit the
rich and poor in Oklahoma alike?  

Mr. Regier boasts that they have already taken steps to "strengthen
families" by reducing AFDC benefits to unmarried parents by using a
roommate's income to calculate eligibility and benefit amounts.  I'm all 
for
using public funds for promotion of genuine programs which can help 
citizens
become better spouses and parents.  But on the surface this sure seems 
like
shameless grandstanding by Gov. Keating at the expense of his constituents
with the smallest voice, Oklahoma's neediest families. 

Thanks for listening, steve lundy
___________________
Dear Diane:
        The report on rising divorces in Japan, especially among those
married over 30 years was interesting.  However, I question the estimate
that Japan's divorce rate involves one third of its marriages.  According
to the story, there were 225,000 divorces in 1997 in a nation of 126
million.  We are roughly double the size of Japan in population at 272
million.  But we had 1,163,000 divorces in 1997, five times the number in
Japan. 
        That means Japan's divorces per 1,000 people is 1.7, while it is
4.2 in the U.S.  In other words, Japan's divorce rate is 40% of that in 
the
U.S.  If half our marriages fail over time, only about 20% of those in
Japan do so.
        Mike McManus
________________________

Apparently the web site I sent for the International Marriage 
conference in Great Britain in June didn't work.  Here is the
updated address:

  http://www.marjon.ac.uk/marriage. 

The abstracts of papers to be presented 
at the conference are in the process of being added and should be 
available 
at the end of this week.  There will NOT be tapes of the presentations but
the papers from the conference will be published.  I'll let you know
when they are available and how to obtain them.  - diane
____________________________________________________
Can you or your members provide a good resource on parenting 
effectiveness training that has been successful in working with African 
American Families.  There are a great number of resources out there, but 
many 
do not take race and culture into account when discussing parenting.  
Thank 
you for your assistance. - ART
____________________

>A historic piece of marriage legistlation was passed on March 22, 1882 when 
>the President signed a law banning polygamy. Who says marriage can't be 
>regulated?  - Kay Reed
_____________________

Dear Diane,
    Dan and I are very excited about the Denver Smart Marriages 
conference. 
    Our two daughters 16 and 14 years old are coming with us and
will be available to baby sit. They are straight A students and 
experienced sitters. 
     
Would it be possible to announce this to the people who are coming so we 
can get in
touch in advance of the conference to plan schedules. Perhaps on your 
internet newsletter.  They can contact us via by 
phone 615 - 298 - 1169 or email: anchoredmarriage at bellsouth.net
 
$10.00 an hour for the first child and $3.50 for the second.
        
Thanks.
            Marsha and Don Borgeson
            4905 Park Ave.
            Nashville, Tn. 37209
____________________________

<< Diane, 
  A lot of therapists
 start by asking for a commitment/affirmation before beginning therapy,
 instead of taking it for granted that if the couple are in the room they
 are asking for techniques to help them. >>

Diane,
My heart goes out to this woman.  Her therapists should have their 
licenses 
revoked.  It's an outrage that therapists can say they do marital 
therapist 
without having a clue as to how to help people stay together.  I NEVER 
ask 
about my client's level of commitment for working on their marriage in 
the 
beginning.   To ask them whether they're committed to staying to together 
early on would require them evaluating their marriage based on recent 
events. 
I usually assume that people are unhappy with each other or they wouldn't 
be 
in my office. So, duh, why not wait until you've helped them have loving 
interactions and teach them new skills and THEN ask.   In addition to my 
teaching my seminars, this letter keeps me determined to continue to 
train 
therapists to put the "marriage" back in marriage therapy.  If therapists 
say 
they do marital therapy but don't know how to help couples work out their 
differences, they should find new careers.
Michele Weiner-Davis
______________________
Replies to Weiner-Davis "When He's Not in the Mood" article

>Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much for this article.
>
>Now that our children are older, we're past the diapers, bottles and
>things like that stage - my interest in sex has risen dramatically and
>my hubby's has dropped just as much.   It's a relief to read this and
>know we're not alone and there is help out there.
>
>Thank you!!!!
>
>Lorraine H.

Diane:  The Weiner-Davis article "When He's Not in the Mood" is  
excellent!  Thank you for sharing it with us.  Parade did not do a good 
job in summarizing the article.  There is so much more depth to this one. 
 Thanks, thanks, thanks.  Phyllis Koss
____________________

This is a description of the conference written by Patricia Czepiel which 
she sent
to all the Air Force Family Support Centers.  If you have a newslist you 
could send this
to, or a web page on which you could post a notice about the conference, 
you might
want to use Patricia's and adapt it to your audience.  All such help in 
spreading the word
is greatly appreciated.  -diane

Date: Wednesday, March 22, 2000   
Topic: FLE Training Opportunity

For those who may be interested in some outstanding training in Marriage &
Family education, the Smart Marriages, Happy Families Conference is set 
for
29 June through 2 July 2000 in Denver, CO.  The conference features
presentations by the top names in the field, workshops on a wide range of
family & marriage programs, including PREP, PAIRS, 7 Habits of Highly
Effective Families and way more, and one, two and three day pre and post
conference training institutes that can qualify you to teach the programs.
Up to 60 hours worth of CEU's are possible, applicable to CFLE, MSW, MFT,
APA, NBCC, LMHC.  Last year's participants included quite a few folks from
family support, ACS, family advocacy and chaplains from all the branches 
of
service and the reserves.  This year one of the Army MAJCOMS is even 
sending
all their family life folks, and doing a breakout session just for them. 
You
can find information on registration, cost, hotel accomodations, synopsis 
of
courses being offered and more on the web at www.smartmarriages.com,  
click
on the conference details button.  This conference is the best return on
investment our training dollars can buy. See you in Denver!
Tricia Czepiel,  Beale FSC


**************************
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4th Annual Smart Marriages conference/June 29 - July 2, 2000, DENVER  
http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html 
for registration, hotel and travel information.
up to 57 hours CEU -APA, SW, MFT, NBCC, CFLE

List your program in the Directory of Providers at:
 http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html 

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd. NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332  (FAX 202-362-0973)   Email: cmfce at smartmarriages.com