Men and suicide after divorce - 3/15/00
Wed Mar 15 17:34:20 EST 2000
from: Smart Marriages
This article features comments by Howard Markman who will present
related research at the Denver Conference. It also speaks to the
keynote that will be presented by Michele Weiner-Davis, "Walk-Away
Men more likely to commit suicide after divorce, study finds
March 15, 2000 Web MD
By Sarah Yang
Men seeking a good reason to salvage their marriages may want to consider
this: A new study finds that divorced and separated men are two and a
half times more likely to commit suicide than married men.
Divorce, however, doesn't seem to lead more women to commit suicide -- a
surprising finding considering the popular wisdom that women suffer more
than men after a divorce, according to the study, published this week in
the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health.
"We now need to look at the possibility that divorce negatively affects
men, too," said study author Augustine Kposowa, Ph.D., an associate
professor of sociology at the University of California at Riverside.
Women are set back financially, he said, but "the man does not emerge
A variation in coping
The difference, he theorized, lies in how men and women form social
bonds. Men make friends with whom they can hang out, and women make
friends with whom they can share their feelings. "Women are socialized to
have more friends, deeper friendships, and so on. Men are socialized
differently, to be macho, and do not have much deeper friendships. So
when a divorce occurs, women have more of a social support network."
Another reason why men may have problems coping with divorce is that they
not only lose the role of husband, but their fatherly role also often
changes, said Bruce Hillowe, J.D., Ph.D., a family law attorney and a
clinical psychologist in Long Island, New York.
"It's still generally the case that when children are involved, the
mother becomes the custodial parent," said Hillowe. Generally speaking,
"men lose the role of being a father in a way that women do not lose the
role of being a mother."
Compounding the problem: Men often feel like they're responsible for the
failure of a marriage, said Alvin Baraff, Ph.D., an expert on
relationships from a male perspective, and founder and director of Men
Center Counseling in Washington, D.C.
"Typically, the man is shocked at the news that he's going to be
divorced," said Baraff, noting that women initiate the majority of
divorce proceedings. "The woman has also been dropping hints all over the
place for the man, but he just doesn't get it. He never thinks it's as
bad as she does. He's lost not only a wife, he typically loses his
children, home, and money."
Women suffer too
That's not to say divorce is a bed of roses for women, said Howard
Markman, Ph.D., author of "Fighting for Your Marriage" and a psychologist
at The University of Denver. Rather, the findings reflect different
coping styles between the sexes. "Men, in general, in the face of stress,
tend to do more destructive coping, like turn to substance abuse,"
He pointed out that men tend to have a higher suicide rate because they
are more likely to use guns to kill themselves, whereas women attempt
suicide with less lethal methods, such as poisonings or cuts.
Kposowa analyzed data on more than 472,000 people collected from 1979 to
1989. Of that group, 545 people committed suicide, with men outnumbering
Confirming other studies on suicide, Kposowa found that for both sexes,
poverty and age increased the risk of killing oneself -- those 65 and
over have a 55 percent greater risk than people aged 15 to 24. White men
in the study were also 51 percent more likely than African American men
to commit suicide, a finding that may suggest a stronger support network
among men in the black community, Kposowa said.
The study emphasizes the need to adjust the gender roles expected by
society, said Constance Ahrons, Ph.D., author of "The Good Divorce" and a
sociology professor at the University of Southern California. But experts
admit that convincing men to acquaint themselves with their emotional
side can be a hard sell. "Maybe, if we go back to (a younger) age, we can
teach men skills for having friendships," Ahrons said.
Only for the divorced
Unlike prior research on marriage and suicide, this study showed that
widowed and single people weren't at higher risk for suicide.
"With death (of a spouse), I don't think there is that sense of failure
that follows divorce. There's no sense of personal inadequacy," Hillowe
explained. "I guess in (the) case (of divorce) it's not better to have
loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
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