Darling, spend the next 6 to 10 years with me?/Alternatives to Marriage -12/00

Wed Dec 27 16:24:07 EST 2000

subject: Spend the next 6-10 years with me?/Alternatives to Marriage/12/00

from: Smart Marriages

Here are two complimentary articles - one a spoof from the Onion Web Site
and one from USA Today (12/27) under the
heading "2001 People To Watch" on Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller.
Marshall will be part of a workshop panel at Smart Marriages in Orlando.

http://www.theonion.com/onion3646/darling_will_you_spend.html

December 20, 2000 

Darling, will you spend the next six to ten years with me?
By John McNally, The Onion Web site

Darling. We've known each other for more than a year now. During that time,
we've shared so much--our hopes, our dreams, our fears. I know when I met
you I wasn't thinking of starting up a serious relationship, but my
admiration and respect for you quickly blossomed into love. You're my best
friend and my confidant, and I can't imagine spending the better part of the
next decade without you.

I know I've been vague about taking "the next step," but all that has
changed. Your patience, loyalty, and love have made me see the world in an
entirely new light. It's a place where true love can exist. So I ask you,
Julie Bramhall... Will you spend the next six to ten years with me?

I realize it's sudden. We just moved in together three months ago, and I'm
still looking for a better-paying job. But when I look into your eyes, I see
all the things I never used to want. A big wedding. Kids. A house with a
white picket fence that I'll have to move out of in about seven years when
you discover I'm sleeping with my secretary. I never thought I'd say this to
anyone, but you're the only one I want to wake up next to for the rest of my
thirties.

I remember telling you early in our relationship that I never wanted to get
married. But, sometimes, I stay awake after you've fallen asleep and just
look at you and stroke your hair. I can't believe what a lucky man I am.
When the moonlight hits your delicate features just right, I see an angel.
An angel who will turn cold and indifferent to me in five years because of
festering resentment over my drinking. But if I could only capture how you
look on film during those moments, I swear we could make a million dollars.
God, you're so beautiful at this stage of your life.

Did you know that most of my friends are amazed that a woman of your caliber
would even be going out with me, much less be interested in marrying me?
They're always talking about how smart, funny, and drop-dead gorgeous you
are. I have no choice but to agree. When I take a step back and look at
things, there's no reason someone so luminous should be interested in a guy
like me. Of course, I always point out to them that your looks will be
pretty well faded by 2008. But when I think how stunning you are now, I can
only shake my head in disbelief.

Marriage is a big step to make, I know. But when I think of all the memories
we've shared together, it makes me want a medium amount more. Do you
remember that time we stumbled onto the bridge in Georgia overlooking a
moonlit river, and we just held each other close, watching the waves gently
lap on the shore? What about all the Sundays we lay in bed together until
early afternoon? I cherish these memories, and I want to share more until
our relationship is reduced to screaming fights, endless hours of legal
battles, and an attempt on your part to stab me with a potato peeler.

If you asked me two years ago if I was ever going to want kids, I would have
looked at you like you were crazy. But sometimes, when I'm walking with you
hand in hand, I imagine us pushing a stroller. And I like that image. I see
us with two kids, a boy and a girl. That would be perfect. They could hold
each other up after I'm gone.

I really think you'd make an incredible mother, Julie. And I think you'll
eventually make a great single mother, too. You've got that inner strength.

You don't have to answer right away if you don't want to. It's a big
decision, and I wouldn't want you to take it lightly. Think it over. Talk to
your friends and family. I already asked your father for your hand in
marriage, and he gave his blessing. But before you answer, you should know
that I truly do love you and want to spend nearly a decade with you. Without
you, my life is incomplete. At least, until I meet our daughter's dance
instructor.

So, please, Julie Bramhall... Say you'll grow early middle-aged with me.

__________________________

USA Today December 27, 2000
Page 8D

2001 People to Watch

Marshall Miller Fighter for unwed

By Karen S. Peterson

Who could possibly oppose a movement that seeks to strengthen marriage and
cut the divorce rate?

Marshall Miller does. His predilection to challenge marriage as the gold
standard of relationships offends many. It also garners Miller a growing
amount of national attention: So far, he has been quoted in 100 media
outlets. The number will grow in 2001 as he plans a national conference on
issues facing non-married people.

Miller and Dorian Solot, his longtime live-in partner, founded the
Alternatives to Marriage Project
(ATMP) in 1998. The current focus of the non-profit group is responding to
the growing national ''marriage movement,'' which the couple say regards
marriage as the only acceptable lifestyle for couples, attacks divorce
''with a message of shame'' and deplores living together.

Miller and Solot, who are in their late 20s, say the marriage movement
endorses the traditional family only, while the ATMP celebrates diversity.
''We have unmarried couples, singles not in relationships, divorced people,
stepfamilies, gay and lesbian couples who can't legally marry, people who
live together with and without children,'' he says. ''We need to recognize
and validate all kinds of families and to support
(government) policies that recognize all kinds, not only married couples.''

The marriage movement takes quite another view, trying to stop what it calls
the ''divorce revolution.'' Various factions promote solutions such as
''covenant marriages,'' which make divorce harder; changes in divorce laws;
and cheaper marriage licenses for those who take relationships courses. The
varied blocs got together in Denver in June to publish a declaration of
principles.

The ATMP quickly came out with a statement supporting all kinds of families,
signed by 500 experts
and everyday folks. The group now has members in 49 states (South Dakota is
the holdout). 

Miller debated representatives of the marriage movement at a November
conference of 2,000 marital therapists in Denver. He also debated Maggie
Gallagher, one of that movement's prominent authors, at the National Press
Club the same month. Solot focuses on running the organization and gathering
the research on legal, financial and social issues posted on the group's Web
site (www.unmarried.org).

Solot says the group represents 11 million Americans living with unmarried
partners ''whose lives don't fit the white-picket-fence model. I feel like
we have reached a critical mass of unmarrieds in this country who are
speaking up about their needs.''

The couple's own legal needs were not met when they moved in together eight
years ago. One landlord refused to rent to an unmarried couple. The two
could not get joint tenants' insurance.

''And we just got this pressure from everybody to get married, from
relatives and even acquaintances,'' Miller says.

They looked for some organization that supported unmarrieds and ended up
starting their own. The two expect increasing attention for their cause
during the next year. ''I see our organization growing more as the word
continues to get out,'' Miller says. ''My hope for 2001 is that our culture
continues to change and to accept and celebrate family diversity.''

Miller is a magna cum laude graduate of Brown University; Solot graduated
from Brown with honors. The couple live in the Boston area with their two
cats, Twiga and Allegra.

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