replies/requests for info/divorce curricula/legislation

[Smartmarriages ©]

subject: replies/requests for info/divorce curricula/legislation

from: Smart Marriages

MARRIAGE STRENGTHENING STATE INITIATIVES:

This message is from John Crouch.  He's collecting info on the most
recent legislation and marriage initiatives in each state.  Let's
help him update his list.  - diane sollee

_______
People frequently write to Americans for Divorce Reform to ask what reforms
are being attempted in their own states, and how they can help out.

Since the election, as most states gear up for their legislative sessions,
I have been calling some of you to find out what's going on, and what I
should be telling these people. But my progress has been slow.

I would appreciate it if you all could call me at 703-528-6700, or email me
at crouch at patriot.net or divorcereform at usa.net, to tell me what
legislation, or gubernatorial marriage commissions, etc are being planned in
your states, and who I should refer people to who want to help by
testifying,  writing to their legislators, or in other ways.

John Crouch
Crouch & Crouch Law Offices
2111 Wilson Blvd., Suite 550
Arlington, Virginia 22201-3057
United States | (703) 528-6700
crouch at patriot.net | http://patriot.net/~crouch/
Time Zone: Eastern Standard Time

--------------------
DIVORCE EDUCATION CURRICULUM REQUEST:
>Hi,
>  Michigan's Human Development Area of Expertise is assessing and refining
>it's divorce education curriculum.  We currently primarily use SMILE -
>"Start Making it Livable for Everyone"- a two hour program often offered
>in
>conjunction with the court for divorcing parents.  It's focus is on easing
>the transition for children, but also uses a follow-up newsletter for
>parents.  
>  We are familiar with Parents Forever from Minnesota, but are interested
>in knowing what other programs are out there and their effectiveness.  We
>are also interested in evaluative tools, and videos other than these:
>Listen to the Children" by the Bar Association of Michigan has been
>popular
>here, as has "Tender Places".  Any other recommendations?
>  Thanks so much for your help!
>
>Kay Cummings
>
Dear Ms. Cummings,
    You asked about other programs for divorcing parents, and their
effectiveness. The Children in the Middle program from the Center for
Divorce Education, which I developed with Dr. Jack Arbuthnot, is one of the
few programs that have been found to be effective.  In published studies
with good control groups, the program has shown to reduce parental
conflict, both by parents' and children's reports, to reduce relitigation,
to improve parental communication, and to increase contact time with the
nonresidential parent. For a summary of the research or other information
on this program see http://www.divorce-education.com
    I am glad you are looking for evidence of effectiveness. I encourage you
to look beyond parental satisfaction, as all programs I know of produce
high ratings of satisfaction. However, as the classic Ft. Bragg and Stark
County studies showed, parental satisfaction is unrelated to improvements
in behavior.
Don Gordon
Professor of Psychology
Ohio University
gordon at oak.cats.ohiou.edu
*******************************
TEMPTATION ISLAND - YET ANOTHER NEW FOX SHOW:

Hi Diane -
I am not sure if this is worth bringing up or not - (because there may not
be any way to stop this) - but I am APPALLED at a commercial I saw a few
days ago about a new show coming to FOX in January. It is called "Temptation
Island." It is a new "reality" show that is going to be set (from what I
understand) at some tropical location. The idea of the show is to take
committed couples (I believe 8 of them) and expose them to as much
"temptation" as possible to break their committment to eachother. They plan
on doing this by bringing to the location several attractive, single, men
and women who's MISSION will be to break up these committed couples.!!!!!!!!
You have got to be kidding me!!!!! Television has reached a new low.

All of us that work with adults - both single and couples everyday - KNOW
first hand how much infidelity goes on, and all the marriages/families that
are broken because of affairs . . . and now there is a television show that
will PROMOTE and ENCOURAGE this behavior . . . I am just SICK.!!!!!

Is there any way we get together to get this show stopped??

The scary part is - just like Jerry Springer - this new show will be a
ratings HIT . . . . and the bottom line is MONEY & ratings - both of which
this show will make.  . . . . . .
Thanks for your time -
Jill MacDonald, LPC
Michigan
___________________

COMMENTS ON ARTICLE "WHO WILL CARE FOR THE BOOMERS?"
> What about all the aborted babies who could have taken care of us
> boomers?
> We've killed our caregivers while they were still in our wombs. And we
> will pay and pay and pay the price of that murder.
> No where in this article was this cost of abortion mentioned. I guess
> because the slant was families. But even families have chosen abortion
> when a child didn't come at the "right" time.
> Charles Hurley

 ####
Diane--
I assume this letter is "for real," but I'm not quite certain. At first, I
thought Mr. Hurley was parodying the article. I later realized perhaps he is
serious. I need to say, first of all, that I'm not necessarily for abortion
per se, although I am certainly, pro-choice, so that you realize I'm not
responding to the "choice-abortion" issue itself. I do have trouble with the
argument that children are born in order to be caregivers later or that they
are kept from being caregivers by being aborted. Dr. Wallerstein mentioned
"Karen" in the NYT article, super-responsible and made into a caregiver, and
drew analogies to her own background. It was clear in the article (and I can
only presume that she elaborates in her book) that Dr. Wallerstein doesn't
feel that "route" is healthy (and I agree). I realize the Coalition is made
up of diverse individuals, with many different points of views and
backgrounds. I do, however, think we need to look at the message that's
"given off"--that of wanting it "both ways." If "super-responsibility" when
someone is an adolescent or young adult is not mentally healthy, then
"super-responsiblity" as a embryo or fetus is obviously not mentally
healthy.

Alice Graubart

CMFCE - 
Besides the fact that intelligent, sensitive people can and do disagree on
the complex issue of abortion and a women's right to choose -- and perhaps
more to the point, what any government's role should and should not be --
to proffer the idea in this year 2000 that people may want to have children
solely or mainly for "social security", to have caregivers to take care of
them when they're too sick or too old to take care of themselves -- is
anachronistic and socially regressive.  It strikes me as being quite
solipsistic and downright selfish -- qualities which are the opposite of
what is required for healthy parenting.

People needn't have a rationale for having children or not having children.
They choose to be parents or not.  Like choosing vanilla or chocolate, one
is not better than the other -- just different.  However, for those who do
feel impelled to give a reason for having children  -- this one, having a
caretaker, is right up there with some of the best reasons given by the most
emotionally immature parents I've known and interviewed over the years.

Inclusion of this sort of inflammatory and reactionary rhetoric
significantly detracts from the credibility of smartmarriages.com, cmfce,
and all of the professionals associated with these organizations. The tone
of the writer's remarks is "attack and blame" and does not invite
constructive dialogue.  Perhaps Mr.Hurley would be more at home in the
pro-lifer's online chatroom, or any of the myriad of creative outlets for
exercising his First Amendment rights?  Dear editors, please use some
discernment and common sense.
-Earth Angel

Dear List, 
I'm posting these two responses to represent/acknowledge the many messages
that were generated by this post.  MANY of you noted that this is not the
place to discuss abortion and that it was an entirely inappropriate post for
a marriage education/marriage strengthening list serve.    - diane sollee

_______________
JUST HOW BAD THINGS ARE:

Just cleaning up and found these in my "out box" - notices that were meant
to go out to the list in Sept - still sitting there.  Will send
with the hope that it's better late than never - diane
________________
Dear all,
www.fathersdirect.com is ONLINE
It's Britain's first online magazine for dads, and it's a great website
for fathers around the world.
Please forward this news to all the fathers in your address book and anyone
else who would be interested.
Tom Beardshaw
Fathers Direct

Tom presented at the 1999 Smart Marriages conference.
 
************************
Diane,

I'm doing my dissertation
on mutual needs meeting in marriage--relationship
building techniques. Anyone in particular I
could talk with or ideas from the email list?
 Looking forward to the Orlando conference.
Thanks, Sue Bosold, MS, MA
yourcareerconsultant at yahoo.com

_______________
Diane,
My wife and I recently rented "The Story of Us" and came away wishing that
there was a study guide that we could use in our seminars and in my
counseling. Now Jana proposes to write one! I myself don't have time to
take on the project with her, but I certainly welcome the effort. Please
keep the list informed about her progress.

My only hesitation is that for some audiences, namely churches,
the language in the movie would be offensive. Anyone know of a version of
the movie with bleeped words?
Ken Himes

(note: There will be a workshop session at Orlando conference on using
movies in teaching marriage education - diane)


**************************
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Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW,   Washington, DC 20015-1961
www.smartmarriages.com  202-362-3332
cmfce at smartmarriages.com
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