Marital Strife--You Have To Work At It
cmfce at smartmarriages.com
Tue Aug 29 17:30:03 EDT 2000
subject: Marital Strife--You Have To Work At It
from: Smart Marriages
WHERE do they get these mangled quotes?!
Anyway, when Time Magazine starts doing satirical takeoffs on us,
I guess we've made it. Now all we need is to get on Letterman's
top ten reasons list. - diane
Marital Strife--You Have To Work At It
"We need to get the message out now and tell people before they get
it's O.K. to fight. Right now we're sending people out onto the football
and not telling them the rules." --Diane Sollee, director of the
Marriage, Family and Couples Education, quoted by the Associated Press
AMMO WEEKEND WORKSHOPS
Sharing the fate of all health "trends," the harmonious marriage has gone
way of oat bran and the Atkins diet. What was once regarded as beneficial
proved to be less helpful than advertised or even potentially harmful to
health. Across the country, counselors are being forced to recall "happy"
couples who have learned to see beyond their differences because, if
fighting, research suggests, your marriage is probably in trouble.
The American Marital Munitions Organization was founded on the principle
robust marriage is a rocky one. But just as quarreling couples once
achieve harmony, teaching harmonious couples to embrace discord can be
challenging. Fortunately, ammo recently opened its first "Fight Club" to
America's untroubled yet troubled marital population. Our series of
weekend-vacation workshops not only touches on the Big Five--money, sex,
children, time and in-laws--but, more important, teaches couples to
antagonistic possibilities buried within their most banal interactions.
workshops are limited to an enrollment of eight. The following fall 2000
sessions are currently open for enrollment:
Where Is Jim Morrison's Grave? Pere-Lachaise Cemetery, Paris; Sept. 8-10
Couples will be abandoned in distant corners of the 100-acre cemetery and
instructed to find Jim Morrison's grave in time to shower before their 6
dinner reservations. This workshop aims to release women's deep lack of
for men's poor sense of direction, as well as for men's overconfidence in
ability to get lucky and their unwillingness to ask for help in any
Couples will dine that evening at a three-star Michelin restaurant,
matter what they order, they will be served six courses of variously
offal, and their credit cards, when they attempt to pay, will be denied.
Blackie Hates the Way You Laugh The Colonial Hunting Resort and Spa, Hot
Springs, W.Va.; Sept. 22-24
Each couple is given a dog and a small lunch and is instructed to hike up
nearby mountain of moderate difficulty. They are forbidden to speak to
other directly and must instead communicate through the dog, Blackie, a
poodle. By attributing feelings to a poodle, many people (especially
freed from the guilt and responsibility of claiming emotions as their
years' worth of complaints, injustices and dissatisfactions can be called
surface through the use of a canine medium.
Who Will Cook the Lobster? Acadia National Park, Isle au Haut, Maine;
The couple should not have eaten for 24 hr. before this workshop. The
invisibly wired with a heat-sensitive sound device so that the creature
"screams" each time it is touched. One claw is left unpegged,
both partners are pinched repeatedly. This workshop effectively exposes a
couple's divergent moral compasses and the discrepancies in their survival
instincts and, by extrapolation, the future incompatibility of their
skills, attitudes toward capital punishment and openness to unusual foods.
"They're Not Real!" An Aegean Cruise with Elderly Shipping Tycoon Dmitri
Asoukapolis and His Much Younger Trophy Wife; Aegean Sea, Greece; Oct.
Each couple will be assigned its own stateroom aboard the 200-ft. luxury
Cup. All meals will be enjoyed with the host and his 22-year-old wife
former swimsuit model from Sweden. Annika will wear less and less
the weekend progresses. All other women on board will be required to wear
dresses sewed of a natural hemp material. Feelings of discomfort,
envy should be stirred in both partners, leading to many arguments that
to plague each couple at home in America.
AMMO guarantees that all couples participating in the vacation workshops
learn to flip their "quick switch," so they can access their natural
discord. For those seriously endangered couples who can weather even the
awkward, uncomfortable or humiliating scenario without a hitch, AMMO will
provide an in-house, highly trained marital-combat couple. These surrogate
aggressors will perform demonstrations on such topics as "Did You Throw
Little Yellow Scrap of Paper with the Very Important Phone Number on It?"
"You Know I Prefer Merlot," and work individually with both members of the
couple, helping them channel their rage and irritation toward the
hard-fought-for state of nuptial bliss.
Heidi Julavits is a writer whose first novel, The Mineral Palace, is being
published this month by Putnam
B/W PHOTO: AP COLOR PHOTO
Folder Name: Sollee
Relevance Score on Scale of 100: 84
To review or revise your folder, visit Dow Jones CustomClips or contact
Jones Customer Service by e-mail at custom.news at bis.dowjones.com or by
800-369-7466. (Outside the U.S. and Canada, call 609-452-1511 or contact
local sales representative.)
Copyright (c) 2000 Dow Jones & Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved
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Subject: Sollee: Marital Strife--You Have To Work At It
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Diane Sollee, Director
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