BABIES DESERVE MARRIED PARENTS -9/22/99

[owner-smartmarriages]

from: Smart Marriages


 BABIES DESERVE MARRIED PARENTS  By ROD DREHER 

New York Post/ September 22, 1999

REMEMBER the bad old days, when girls who got pregnant outside of 
marriage were either forcibly married to the guy who got them pregnant, 
or sent away to have the baby and give it up for adoption? 

Turns out folks back then, harsh as they sound to us today, were on to 
something important. 

So says "The Age of Unwed Mothers," a startling new report from the 
Institute for American Values, a think tank. It's a comprehensive review 
of recent studies into the causes and effects of teen pregnancy, one that 
questions our fundamental assumptions about the issue. 

Its eye-opening conclusion? The crisis of illegitimate births is not 
chiefly a problem of undereducated teenagers having unprotected sex. The 
root cause is a society-wide loss of belief in marriage as necessary to 
child-rearing. And we won't stem the tide of fatherless children until we 
regain that faith. 

The report, written by Maggie Gallagher, notes that: 

*Three-fifths of births to unwed mothers are to women in their 20s. And a 
majority of out-of-wedlock births to teenagers are to 18- and 19-year-old 
moms - in other words, adults. 

*More sex education and greater access to contraceptives doesn't slow the 
pregnancy rate. 

*Fewer pregnant teens are getting married. From the 1940s through the 
mid-1970s, just under half of single pregnant women got married before 
their baby was born. By the early 1990s, that figure was down to 16 
percent. 

*Far fewer unmarried women are putting their babies up for adoption, even 
though studies show the outcome is better in the long term for both 
mother and child. 

Unwed moms are by and large not clueless teenagers who need more 
contraceptives or abstinence lectures to keep from having babies, but 
young adults making choices that seem sensible to them given society's 
devaluation of marriage. 

"For a young woman today who does not see marriage as an essential 
support to her motherhood, or who does not foresee much possibility of 
making a good marriage in the future, the decision to become a single 
mother at age 18 or 19 is not hard to understand," Gallagher writes. 

It's not that people don't like marriage. Polls show an overwhelming 
number of young adults want to get married and disapprove of divorce. 

The connection between marriage and babies is more tenuous. Although 
parents say their unwed young daughter's pregnancy would be unacceptable, 
they are quite tolerant if it were someone else's daughter in the same 
situation. And studies show young people today are very permissive about 
the idea of having a baby out of wedlock. 

Gallagher cites studies showing this ambivalence guarantees a higher rate 
of illegitimacy. 

"After all, for unwed childbearing to spread, it is not necessary for 
girls actively to favor unwed childbearing. All that is necessary is for 
them to stop disapproving of it," she writes. 

You get more of what you tolerate, and less of what you discourage. 
Gallagher's report condemns our society for encouraging unwed mothers to 
stay away from the altar and the adoption agency - despite mounting 
evidence showing early marriage is, in most cases, no worse than single 
parenthood, and likely much better for all concerned. 

The report makes a number of recommendations, including ending the 
mainstreaming of pregnant girls in high-school classes. Although 
compassion for unwed moms and their babies is certainly justified, it's 
misplaced and harmful if it encourages people to see unwed mothering as 
just another morally neutral lifestyle option. 

What's far more difficult than passing laws or imposing rules is teaching 
kids who have grown up in a divorce culture that marriage cannot only 
succeed - but, with work and self-sacrifice, it can be a source of 
strength and contentment, and even abiding joy. 

The good news, says Gallagher, is that research shows young people are 
open to moral leadership from adults confident enough to give it. But 
where are the countercultural grown-ups willing to be condemned as 
Medieval mossbacks for teaching kids what was commonly held wisdom two 
generations ago? 



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