Moms Over Miles/Questioning data/S D teen survey - 9/22/99
Wed Sep 22 09:24:48 EDT 1999
from: Smart Marriages
On Wed night Dateline will air a piece on the use of DNA testing to
disprove paternity of a five year old child, born in an intact marriage.
Case went to Penna Supreme
Court, who said, no tests could be introduced in this case. Lynne
>From the Dads at a Distance folks - the new Moms Over Miles activity
I highly recommend it. They sent along a review copy and it's
practical - and affordable.
I even recommend it for moms who are at home.
It's full of ideas. They're working on another
book for couples who have to be separated. - diane sollee
Our Moms Over Miles: An Activities Handbook for Strengthening Long
Relationships is now available. Moms who travel a lot for work or who
be away from their children for any other reason (custody, illness, etc)
will find these 130 activities to be helpful in maintaining and
strengthening relationships with their children from a distance. We are
keeping the prices the same as the
Dads at a Distance book of $4.95 plus $1.55 for S&H with bulk discounts
as $1.95 per copy. They can be ordered by either calling us at (423)
or by sending a check to:
A&E Family Publishers
PO Box 16659
Knoxville, TN 37996
We are also in the process of building the Moms Over Miles website --
check out the progress at http://www.momsovermiles.com
Aaron Larson, Director
Also visit the Daads website at
Scholars on the Smart Marriages were alarmed by the post on expectations.
Here is a comment by Alan Hawkins, Director of Family Studies at BYU,
that sums up the concern expressed in several responses.
Can anyone track down L.M.Boyd?
Diane, I was surprised by the data reported in the message below that
appeared on your listserv today and did some checking:
The University of Michigan's Survey Research Center asked if people
expected to remain married to the same partner all their lives.
percent of women asked and fifty-nine percent of men
said no. They would probably divorce. Source: Newspaper column "Fact and
Fancy," by L. M. Boyd.
Since we often live our expectations, these expectations probably
Peace and grace,
Bill Olewiler, O.S.L.
>From an article in Journal of Marriage and the Family (1989, Vol. 51, No.
4, pp. 873-893) by Univ. of Michigan family demographer Arland Thorton, it
reports that in 1985-86, 66% of young women and 55% of young men reported
that it was "very likely" that they would stay married to the same person
for life. Also, another 21% of young women and 26% of young men said it
was fairly likely that they would stay married to the same person for
That's 87% of young women and 81% of young men who are optimistic about
long-term marriages. Could attitudes have shifted that dramatically in
such short a time? I corresponed with the author of the study. He said
has done some analyses on more recent reports of this question (as yet
unpublished) and found very little change in the 90s. People remain
optimists about first marriages lasting. Let's not let poor journalism
make people think otherwise, especially when we know a lot about how to
make that happen.
Alan Hawkins, BYU
And from another angle in SD:
Monday, September 20, 1999
Local youth say they believe in marriage, family
By Darrel Koehler
Herald Staff Writer - Grand Forks, S.D.
While today's young people aren't heading down the aisle to take their
marriage vows in the numbers they once did nationwide, those surveyed
locally believe in the benefits of the institution.
Based on an unscientific survey of area girls ranging from age 12 to 18,
a majority believe that married people are happier than those who stay
single or simply live together, believe in staying married to the same
person for a lifetime and acknowledge that a good marriage and family
life is important to the well-being of both partners and any children
resulting from the union.
How do the results of this survey compare to national figures?
According to information provided by the National Center for Health
Statistics, a division of the U.S. Department of Health and Human
Services, the marriage rate has generally declined since the early 1980s.
An estimated 2,344,000 marriages were performed in 1996 (the last year
figures are available), or 8.8 per 1,000 population. This figure is less
than 1 percent higher than the 2,336,000 marriages or 8.9 per 1,000
population recorded in 1995.
About 1,150,000 divorces were granted in the United States in 1996, 2
percent fewer than the number for 1995 (1,169,000) and 5 percent fewer
than the all-time high of 1,215,000 in 1992. The divorce rate per 1,000
population in 1966 (4.3) was 2 percent lower than the rate for 1995
(4.4), and was the lowest divorce rate in over two decades.
Here is what local and area teens said:
The oldest individual surveyed is 18 and a freshman in theater arts at
UND. She lives at Grand Forks Air Force Base and has traveled the country
with her family.
She believes that married people are generally happier than those who
live together. She also responded that people should be married for life
unless there is a problem such as cheating by a partner. What is the key
to a good marriage? "Honesty," she said.
The youngest person surveyed was a student at South Middle School, age
12, who said "single people can have as happy lives as those that are
married." She said she agreed that marriage should be a lifetime
commitment. Friendship is the key ingredient in the relationship and
"they (the married couple) should love one another." A good stable
marriage was not only important to the couple, but also for the sake of
A 10th-grader at Red River, age 15, said while she hopes to be married
someday, a single life isn't all that bad either. She said by living
together, the couple may bond closer prior to their marriage. The student
believes in lifelong commitment to marriage. She points out that many
people are married three-quarters of their lives, and it is "important to
be with someone who loves you and share the experience with your
A 10th-grader, also age 15, from the Midway School near Inkster, N.D.,
believes married people are generally happier than those who remain
single. However, she acknowledged that marriage is a decision than can
affect the remainder of your life. While friendship is the most important
ingredient to a successful marriage, she also acknowledges the importance
of loyalty and fidelity.
A Central Valley junior from the Buxton-Reynolds, N.D., area, age 16,
said she believes that being married doesn't necessarily have to be
better than either being single or living together. "Both (single or
living together) lifestyles have their advantages," she said.
She believes marriage is a lifetime commitment and that "there is
somebody out there" for everyone. She ranks friendship, loyalty and
commitment in that order as key ingredients to a successful marriage. She
acknowledged that "a good marriage can make you happy."
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