Moms Over Miles/Questioning data/S D teen survey - 9/22/99

[owner-smartmarriages]

from: Smart Marriages


On Wed night Dateline will air a piece on the use of DNA testing to 
disprove paternity of a five year old child, born in an intact marriage.  
Case went to Penna Supreme 
Court, who said, no tests could be introduced in this case.  Lynne 
Gold-Bikin 
Norristown, Pa
___________________

>From the Dads at a Distance folks - the new Moms Over Miles activity 
book. 
 I highly recommend it.  They sent along a review copy and it's 
beautiful, 
practical - and affordable.  
I even recommend it for moms who are at home.  
It's full of ideas.  They're working on another
book for couples who have to be separated. - diane sollee

Diane,
Our Moms Over Miles: An Activities Handbook for Strengthening Long 
Distance 
Relationships is now available.  Moms who travel a lot for work or who 
have to 
be away from their children for any other reason (custody, illness, etc)
will find these 130 activities to be helpful in maintaining and 
strengthening relationships with their children from a distance.  We are 
keeping the prices the same as the 
Dads at a Distance book of $4.95 plus $1.55 for S&H with bulk discounts 
as low 
as $1.95 per copy.  They can be ordered by either calling us at (423) 
946-4954 
or by sending a check to:

A&E Family Publishers
PO Box 16659
Knoxville, TN 37996

We are also in the process of building the Moms Over Miles website --
check out the progress at http://www.momsovermiles.com

Aaron Larson, Director
Also visit the Daads website at 
http://www.daads.com
_______________
Scholars on the Smart Marriages were alarmed by the post on expectations. 
 
Here is a comment by Alan Hawkins, Director of Family Studies at BYU, 
that sums up the concern expressed in several responses.
 Can anyone track down L.M.Boyd?  

Diane, I was surprised by the data reported in the message below that
appeared on your listserv today and did some checking:
*****************************************************
The University of Michigan's Survey Research Center asked if people
expected to remain married to the same partner all their lives.  
Sixty-four
percent of women asked and fifty-nine percent of men
said no.  They would probably divorce. Source:  Newspaper column "Fact and
Fancy," by L. M. Boyd.

Since we often live our expectations, these expectations probably 
undermine
marriage.
Peace and grace,
Bill Olewiler, O.S.L.
*************************
>From an article in Journal of Marriage and the Family (1989, Vol. 51, No.
4, pp. 873-893) by Univ. of Michigan family demographer Arland Thorton, it
reports that in 1985-86, 66% of young women and 55% of young men reported
that it was "very likely" that they would stay married to the same person
for life.  Also, another 21% of young women and 26% of young men said it
was fairly likely that they would stay married to the same person for 
life.
That's 87% of young women and 81% of young men who are optimistic about
long-term marriages.  Could attitudes have shifted that dramatically in
such short a time?  I corresponed with the author of the study.  He said 
he
has done some analyses on more recent reports of this question (as yet
unpublished) and found very little change in the 90s.  People remain
optimists about first marriages lasting.  Let's not let poor journalism
make people think otherwise, especially when we know a lot about how to
make that happen.

Alan Hawkins, BYU
______________________________________
And from another angle in SD: 

 Monday, September 20, 1999 

Local youth say they believe in marriage, family 

 By Darrel Koehler 

Herald Staff Writer - Grand Forks, S.D. 

While today's young people aren't heading down the aisle to take their 
marriage vows in the numbers they once did nationwide, those surveyed 
locally believe in the benefits of the institution. 

Based on an unscientific survey of area girls ranging from age 12 to 18, 
a majority believe that married people are happier than those who stay 
single or simply live together, believe in staying married to the same 
person for a lifetime and acknowledge that a good marriage and family 
life is important to the well-being of both partners and any children 
resulting from the union. 

How do the results of this survey compare to national figures? 

According to information provided by the National Center for Health 
Statistics, a division of the U.S. Department of Health and Human 
Services, the marriage rate has generally declined since the early 1980s. 

An estimated 2,344,000 marriages were performed in 1996 (the last year 
figures are available), or 8.8 per 1,000 population. This figure is less 
than 1 percent higher than the 2,336,000 marriages or 8.9 per 1,000 
population recorded in 1995. 

About 1,150,000 divorces were granted in the United States in 1996, 2 
percent fewer than the number for 1995 (1,169,000) and 5 percent fewer 
than the all-time high of 1,215,000 in 1992. The divorce rate per 1,000 
population in 1966 (4.3) was 2 percent lower than the rate for 1995 
(4.4), and was the lowest divorce rate in over two decades. 

Here is what local and area teens said: 

The oldest individual surveyed is 18 and a freshman in theater arts at 
UND. She lives at Grand Forks Air Force Base and has traveled the country 
with her family. 

She believes that married people are generally happier than those who 
live together. She also responded that people should be married for life 
unless there is a problem such as cheating by a partner. What is the key 
to a good marriage? "Honesty," she said. 

The youngest person surveyed was a student at South Middle School, age 
12, who said "single people can have as happy lives as those that are 
married." She said she agreed that marriage should be a lifetime 
commitment. Friendship is the key ingredient in the relationship and 
"they (the married couple) should love one another." A good stable 
marriage was not only important to the couple, but also for the sake of 
the children. 

A 10th-grader at Red River, age 15, said while she hopes to be married 
someday, a single life isn't all that bad either. She said by living 
together, the couple may bond closer prior to their marriage. The student 
believes in lifelong commitment to marriage. She points out that many 
people are married three-quarters of their lives, and it is "important to 
be with someone who loves you and share the experience with your 
children." 

A 10th-grader, also age 15, from the Midway School near Inkster, N.D., 
believes married people are generally happier than those who remain 
single. However, she acknowledged that marriage is a decision than can 
affect the remainder of your life. While friendship is the most important 
ingredient to a successful marriage, she also acknowledges the importance 
of loyalty and fidelity. 

A Central Valley junior from the Buxton-Reynolds, N.D., area, age 16, 
said she believes that being married doesn't necessarily have to be 
better than either being single or living together. "Both (single or 
living together) lifestyles have their advantages," she said. 

She believes marriage is a lifetime commitment and that "there is 
somebody out there" for everyone. She ranks friendship, loyalty and 
commitment in that order as key ingredients to a successful marriage. She 
acknowledged that "a good marriage can make you happy." 



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